Cough, cough continued...

Actually, I should call it cough, cough, puke.

Poor baby.

Did you know you could cough so much you puke? Neither did I. This is A's new thing. Poor bug.

Hopefully, if we just lay low this weekend, she'll be on the mend.

Aren't blogs so lovely? I'm assuming you (the plural invisible you who I'm assuming is reading this) cares. How completely self-absorbed I am.

Cough, cough

Okay. It's almost June. Which means it's almost summer. So why is everyone in my house still sick?

A. picked something up last week and gave it to Husband and me. This is nothing new, we get sick oh, about every three weeks or so it seems. But I thought cold/flu season was over. Apparently not.

Now Husband and I are on the mend but A. is still coughing up a lung. It got so bad today our babysitter took her to the doctor. Nothing really wrong except a bad cold...unless she starts doing this weird breathing thing and then we must rush her IMMEDIATELY TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. Oh great. How am I supposed to know what a weird breathing thing is? I am not qualified to diagnose weird breathing things. I am not qualified to diagnose anything except bad commercials.

Ever since I've had a baby...I've started to think that maybe I should have studied medicine. It's the only way to be truly prepared for parenthood. Never mind that I barely passed math/science. Still. I should have sucked it up and studied harder.

So. Girlie is home with the nanny, relaxing after her doctor visit. I hear her say something in the background. I ask what she's saying. Nanny says "oh, she just said, I want mommy. Isn't it great she's speaking in sentences now?"

Yeah. Great. Really, really great.

Cough, cough.

Bachelor Round-UP..."Tommy Lasorta is an expert in relationships..."

So last night's show was a full two hours? Who knew? Certainly not me and certainly not my husband shrieks in horror when he sees it is on tv for that length of time. Yipee! I suggested he watch it with me. He suggested that he would "rather stuff staples under his nails." Okay then. Just me, the television and the phantom mice that I'm convinced are stalking me.

Chris the Dork Harrison announces to the guys that while Deanna gets to live in a fabulous mansion, the guys will be in the servants' quarters out back. 3 guys will get to be invited up to live there with her each week, if they get a rose. Their servants' quarters aren't too terrible...except for the barrack-like bunk beds and the outdoor shower. The only shower in the whole house. Seriously. ABC is really desperate to save this show...trying to show as much of these guys' skin as possible...Twilley mentions the shrinkage issue. Second time shrinkage has come up on this show before. Do men really sit around worrying about this?

Jesse, Jeremy and Rich already are living the high life with Deanna. Just to review...Jesse is the Snowboarding Dude, Rich is the somewhat cute science nerd and Jeremy is well, Everyone Hates Jeremy. He's a lawyer from Dallas and he doesn't seem all that bad but I can't decide if he's cute or not. Sometimes he is...good jawline. Sometimes no...beady eyes. Huh.

Oh and by the way...scratch what I said before about Boston accents being the worst ever. Thanks to Fred the Lawyer on the this show...Chicago accents win. Hands down. Didn't even know a person could sound like this. It's like, he's putting it on or something. Maybe he is.

First date is a group date with Secret Dad Jason, Ryan the Big V, Twilley, Paul from Canada, Chicago Fred, Science guy and Sean the Martial Arts guy. They are going to some underground magic club in LA. How lame. Magic shows are right up there with circuses and parades for me. Should be fun only...they're not.

The magician in this show makes Deanna disappear with Jason. They have a very deep chat about salsa and the song PYT (singing Na-na-na!). Of course, Jason neglects to mention he has a child. Again. This is going to come back to bite him...

Then Deanna has some alone time with Martial Arts Dude Sean. Sean's eyes are incredibly close together, making him look instantly evil. The best part of the conversation is that a player piano in the background keeps playing songs in reaction to whatever Sean is saying. Basically, the piano is scoring their conversation. It's quite funny, really. Only Sean doesn't think so. You get the feeling he would karate chop it in half, given the opportunity.

Ryan the Big V spends all of his one-on-one time talking about himself and why he's so special. Deanna didn't look like she was doing any talking at all, except to say "I'm afraid I might corrupt you." He says he believe in faith, family and football. Hmm...in that order? I'm getting the feeling that Big V acts all nice but deep down is very full of himself. Lots of pent-up rage and.....other stuff.

For some reason, all the guys do magic tricks for Deanna. Only Twilley puts on a play that actually has five acts. No one looks amused. Let me tell you what I think of Twilley. You know that guy in high school who thought he was funnier than he really was and very loud? You know, the one you wanted to punch? Twilley.

Paulie the Candian tells Deanna that despite being 23, he is ready to be married. Oh and by the way, he's already been engaged. He hugs Deanna which takes her by surprise, sort of like he's an overeager pup. But then she gives him the first impression rose. Huh? Okay. Clearly ABC is keeping him around for something.

Okay. First-one-on=one date goes to Graham. Not a surprise since you could tell Deanna really likes him, calling him "a hotter than crap Southern guy." He is definitely a tall drink of water. They ride to the beach in a convertible and act all cute on the beach trying to fly a kite. Then Graham tells her he just got out of a relationship but he wants to be happy and make a connection.

For some reason, this freaks out Deanna. First of all, Graham tells her this is the first relationship he's ever been in and he's in his 30's so that says something. Secondly, she is worried he just wants to be in a relationship and doesn't care if it's with her. So she gets all stand-offish until Graham tells her to get closer. She eventually gives him a rose and they smooch. Not so surprising. I've decided I think Graham is cute in a Pink Panther kind of a way.

So then they are back at the mansion and saying goodbye. Twilley is lurking in the bushes, spying on them. He says he gets the feeling that Deanna "does not have a case of the Twilleys." Neither do I and if I ever do, I will get an antibotic to get rid of it. He pops out, a leaf still on his head and tells her how much his friends and family would love her. She nods and looks around, plotting her getaway.

Next day...a baseball date. The boys are psyched. Chris, Big Chef Robert, Football Coach Brian, Jesse the Snowboard Dude, Ron the Barber, Eric the Greek and Everybody hates Jeremy are all going to dodger stadium. But that's not all Tommy Lasorda is there too. He gives lots of pep talks about believing in yourself. What the hell is Tommy Larsorda doing on this show? Very confusing. Does he know he is there?

It starts with them forcing Chris to sing the National Anthem. I use the word "sing" loosely. Holy cow, is he bad. Like Roseanne Barr bad. Only Roseanne Barr knew the words. Chris doesn't. To add insult to injury...he was a minor league ball player! Which means he had lots of opportunity to hear it! What the hell?

Then there is a homerun derby. Ten swings, whoever gets the most homeruns gets alone time with Deanna.

Ron the Barber gets two homes. Greek Dude gets one. Football Coach Brian gets two. Jesse the Snowboarder gets one. Our supposed pro ball player Chris strikes out. Booooo! I love how Tommy Lasorda gives him hell for this. Chef Robert makes some comment about how "if we had a challenge in the kitchen, the dance floor or in the bedroom, I'd be in my element." Dude. This guy needs to leave. Take your big pink self and go home.

Everybody hates Jeremy hits 6 homeruns which excites Deanna. She grabs him by the hand and drags him off to the dugout. Here Jeremy tells her both his parents have passed away. You can tell this makes her like him even more, since they now have something in common. Deanna gives him a rose...which the other guys have to watch via the Jumbotron. Hee-hee.

Tommy Lasorda meanwhile is giving Deanna relationship advice, something about a crystal ball?

Rose ceremony time...there is some brouhaha over Jeremy hogging Deanna time. Ryan the Big V calls him the D-word. So much for Mr. Faith/Family guy.

Who's in? Well, Jeremy, Graham and Canadian Paul are safe. The other who get to stay are

Ron the Barber
Jesse the Dude
Chef Robert
Brian the Coach
Jason the Secret DAd
Chicago Fred
Sean Hi-yaa!
Richard the Geek
Twilley? What the heck????

Chris the not so pro-ball player, Greek Eric and Ryan the Big V are out. The Big V gets kind of nasty in the end, even though he says "he was voted most friendly in 8th grade." Dude, you're still living off that past glory? Time to move on, friend. He didn't seem so friendly as he kicked a puppy on the way out.

And there we have it. Another week.

Later,
N

"Tommy Lasorta is an expert in relationships..."

Yes, I'm talking about the legendary baseball coach. No, that is probably not how his name is spelled. But whatever.

For some reason, he was on The Bachelorette last night. I kinda liked the guy. Overall, good show.

More to come later.

Nan

The Ugly Name Contest

Okay. So I know my name is Nanette and therefore I have no right to talk about weird names. But I just have to say...there seems to be a contest going on at my local playground on who can name their kid the weirdest/ugliest/worst name.

Yes, yes, I know. Naming is very personal and I have no right to criticize. Lots of people might not like my daughter's name. But I don't think it's the kind of name that sounds like someone dared you to do it.

It seems like a badge of honor these days to come up with a name no one else has thought of. Only...in doing so...kids are being tortured with truly horrific monikers. The only comfort in this is that so many people are doing it, they'll be in good company.

Today's hilarious name I overheard? Sequoia. Yes, that's right, like the tree. No, the family did not appear to be of Native American descent. Others I have heard recently include Birch, Isadore (for a boy), Dorothy, Cyrus, Clover, Mamie, Memphis- Grace (seriously) and Drexil. Of course, I have probably just outed myself and no one will talk to me on the playground after this post. Actually, hardly anyone does anyway...who knew the playground would have as many cliques as high school?

I'm not saying you should name your kid Jack or Max or Olivia. Not at all; I welcome hearing something other than the top ten names. It's just it seems that lately...there's a lot of names out there that may have seemed like a good idea at the time but your kid is going to hate you for later. There's a fine line between unusual and just plain ridiculous.

Just another one of my many opinions...

Don't forget...Bachelorette on Monday night

I know it seems like a long time from now but I doubt most of you will be online this weekend. And don't forget to join the online group...it's called Bachelorettes Anonymous and the password in nanifesto.

Have a great weekend.

Nan

Umbrella etiquette...does it exist?

Now that I'm pretty sure it's been raining for 40 days and 40 nights here in New York, that is the question. Seriously.

Am I the only person in this city who tries to be polite and not bonk people coming in the other direction with their umbrella? There is something about being under an umbrella that makes people feel anonymous enough to smash into other people with them. If you have anger issues, take it out some other way, I say. Sheesh.

And by the way, don't care how big you are. No one in this city needs one of those massive golf-sized umbrellas. Come on, people.

Carry on. And be kind to your fellow commuters on the rainy commute home.

A girl and a mouse turd

It repulses me even to write it. But that is what I am.

Husband is out for a work thing. Baby is (surprisingly) asleep and staying that way. I decide to do the unthinkable and clean. And what am I rewarded with? A $#@$! mouse turd.

You start to play games with yourself. Perhaps it's a bit of burnt rice. A tiny bit of dirt. But deep down, you know. You just do.

Can I just tell you how much I miss my cat right now?

So I do what any logical person would do. I spend an hour crawling on the ground looking for any minute tiny crack between the baseboards and the floor and stuffing it with tinfoil (yes I know all about steel wool but we don't have any right now and anyhow, those metal shards would probably wind up in our daughter's tummy). In case you're wondering, in brownstone building, there are plenty of those cracks. And now any slight creak I hear I'm convinced is the creepy mouse (and probably his whole mouse posse) coming to get me.

Waaaaa.

I'm going to sit here and think un-mouse-like thoughts.

Bachelorette Rose Ceremony Game is up!

Come join our group! The name of the group is Bachelorettes Anonymous and it's a private group, thank you very much. But anyone reading this is welcome to join. The password is nanifesto. See you guys there!

"I'm not a master of seduction but I'm working on my degree..." The 1st Bachelorette Round-Up...

There were so many bad quotes last night I swear I could have added another two or three.

I have to say, I am so excited by last night's show because it's going to be soooo cheesy. Starting with Deaaaaana (dude, your name is Deanna, get over it) and her free gold lame dresses from ABS. Last time I wore a gold lame dress it was my sister's bat mitzvah. The whole lot of us were in gold lame and black, even Dad sporting the gold lame bowtie/cumberbund combo. That's what happens when you let a 16-year-old (me) art direct an event. But what's Deaaaana's excuse? My guess is they were trying to make her look like a Greek goddess. Uhhh. Nice try. But no.

Okay. So. The show starts with ABC telling us Deanna's backstory of how she got dumped by Brad the Cad. They even go so far as to say "when it broke Deanna's heart...it broke America." No, it most certainly did not. Even Ellen is plugging for her.

So this time...THE TABLES ARE TURNED! Deanna gets to be the big meanie and break someone else's heart. Our dork host Chris Harrison tells us "they got THOUSANDS of letters from single guys who want to meet Deanna." Really? Okay. Then this should be a pretty decent bunch of dudes, right? I sit upright, pen in hand, ready to take notes.

And then we actually see the guys. You know that sound that Debbie Downer makes on Saturday Night Live? Waah- WAHHH.
There we have it.

There is weird push-up guy doing martial arts. There is Jon the resort manager who spends hours gelling his fake blonde hair. There is baby-faced virgin Ryan singing "my G-d and I go in the fields together....." I'm telling you. This is a pretty sorry pack. But...gotta look on the bright side. Lots of room for comedy here.

We then see Deanna as she's about to meet all the men. She is all gussied up in her very shiny gown with her very shiny lipgloss and seems awfully nervous. And that's when I realize. Girlfriend is not cut out for a starring role. Sure, she's fine making snarky remarks as a bit player but in the spotlight...not so much. You need a cheeseball like Trista who eats up the camera. Oh dear. Let's hope she gets better. And while we're at it..,..let's discuss her eyebrows, please. Put. the. tweezers. down. It's okay, I get it, I've got Mediterranean blood too; we're a hairy bunch. But don't overcompensate with the waxing/tweezing; it not only looks bad, it looks dated. And I don't mean in an ironic way, like Dita Von Teese.

Okay...so...this is Deanna's "fairy tale" (her words, not mine.) Let's meet the princes, shall we?

1. Brian. Lots of grey hair. Not a terrible face but a high school football coach. Doesn't look outwardly like a meathead but probably is one.

2. Paul. A short Canadian. My take on Canadian men...they're a bit soft. They try to make up for it by getting tattoos etc. but they are a little wimpy. Plus they have a chip on their shoulder about Canada.

3. Graham. A pro basketball player who can't button his jacket. She finds this endearing. I notice he didn't mention what team he plays for; does this mean he plays in Europe or something? Though he could play for the Knicks since no one bothers watching them.

4. Sean. Oy vey. Just too much. He's the martial arts guy. More on him later. Lots of hair. Just terrible.

5. Rich. The cute science teacher. He's playing the dork card and it's working for him. Honestly, I thought he was cute but I will also pick a geek over a meathead any day. This guy's a keeper.

6. Jason. The single dad. Of course, she doesn't actually know this yet. He's kind of cute though I sensed something very needy in him. Could become a little stalker-y, I think.

7. Spero. Who is this creature? He has weird glasses, weird eyes. I think they just needed a guy and they threw an ABC intern in there.

8. Jesse. Duuuude. A snowboarder. In a really ugly jacket.

9. Jon. Scary blonde spiked hair man. He scares me.

10. Chris. A big guy from Texas. Is there any other kind?

11. Brian the network consultant. He seemed promising but then he made her touch his abs later. Plus he twirls her around so he can check out her butt.

12. Jeffrey. Cute black guy from Orlando. We literally never see him again.

13. Donato. A sales rep from South Carolina. He reminds me of the guy in the fraternity who got creepy when he drank to much. Which he did.

14. Ryan. The virginal football player. A baby face on a big body. He lets her know right off the bat that he's strong in his faith.

15. Blayn aka Twilley. Seriously, this guy should have a piece of wheat between his teeth. Total hick from Oklahoma. I don't say that bc he's from Oklahoma but because he looks like something out of Deliverance.

16. Ron. He left his coat in the car. A hairdresser from Kansas City. Kind of a serious sort.

17. Patrick...a finance guy with longish hair.

18. Luke. An oyster farmer. Only he looks like an accountant. When she asks him to say something funny, he says "you look great." Crickets. Next!

19. Eric. He immediately starts talking Greek, thinking this means he's in. She did the same thing so she can't criticize.

20. Robert the chef. Very tall and bulky and pink.

21. Chandler. The preppy dude from Virginia. Straight out of a Ralph Lauren ad. He kisses her hand. He's not completely horrible.

22. Greg. The personal trainer from NYC. Can you say 'roid rage? He loses it later.

23. Fred. A lawyer from Chicago with the biggest Chicago accent ever.

24. Patrick...a big tall marketing guy.

25. Jeremy. A cute lawyer from Dallas. A little slick for my taste but he has a nice jawline. She doesn't want him to go inside which is always a good sign.

Okay. So. So much went on, I'll just give you the highlights. Jenni from the Bachelor show comes back to help Deanna weed through all the guys. She gives her first of three impression roses to Jeremy, the cute lawyer. She then spends time with Ryan, who hogs the blanket while she freezes and Spero hands her his coat. Deanna spends most of the night blinking, anyone else notice that?

Robert cooks up some crab for her. Luke the oyster guy gives her a pearl necklace. Donato propositions Jenny, wanting him to sit on his oversized lap. Eric tries to woo her with his special Greek powers. Sean the martial arts guy kicks a lemon off Jesse the snowboarder's head ("don't hurt me dog"). This plan backfires since she gives the rose to Jesse, not Sean. Chandler gets out a duck caller and starts blowing it at Deanna, who is not impressed. Brian busts out his abs of steel and forces her to touch them. Paul the Canadian does his country proud by stripping down to his skivvies which he's had embroidered with Deanna's name. O, Canada!

Meanwhile, Graham manages to get Dee alone and woos her with his tales of owning bars and starting a children's charity. Deanna, step away from the bar owner!

Rose ceremony time. Some pretty surprising choices. The producers must be making her keep some weirdos around. Jesse, Jeremy and Rich are safe.

Rose #1 Ron...very serious divorced dude.

Rose #2 Graham

Rose #3 Eric

Rose #4 Robert

Rose #5 Sean...ew! No!

Rose #6 Ryan

Rose #7 Chris...who was this guy?

Rose #8 Paul

Rose #9 Fred

Rose #10 Twilley....are you kidding me?

Rose #11 Jason. This guy seems a little crazy to me.

Rose #12 Brian the football coach from Texas.

A lot of guys are sent packing, including Chandler the duck boy and Luke the oyster dude. But the angriest one is Greg the Roid monster. He gets nuts, ripping off his shirt like the incredible hulk, showing off his tats and says "I will rise from action...I'm a wild boy, talking about coyotes..." and then let's out a blood-curdling howl into the night. So glad he'll be returning to the streets of New York where we can all appreciate him here.

So. There you have it. The first show! How exciting. By the way, the rose ceremony is supposedly on its way so I'll keep you posted. Have a good night!

N

"Good Lord...my name is on some dude's booty..."

Yes folks, it's going to be one of those seasons.

First of all, if I were Deanna, I would be like, see
ya. Quite a pack of meatheads. A personal trainer?
A football coach? A martial arts instructor?
Seriously. Why not just add televangelist? It's
like a running list of people I don't want to have a
conversation with, let alone date.

Anyway, the full update to come. It's going to be
interesting, that's for sure.

Final Bachelor Round-Up....better late than never...

So I finally watched the finale last night. Was I the only one who felt like it was kind of rushed and not very surprising?

It starts out with Chelsea going to London to meet Matt's parents. But first, Matt takes her to the London Eye, which has to be the most touristy place on earth. Chelsea says she has to show Matt's parents "she's the best" which is a kind of an odd statement to make but she's a jock girl so maybe that's just her way of speaking. Chelsea worries that everyone will be "proper" so she dresses for the occasion in...a not very impressive shirt and jeans. C'mon girl, step it up a bit. Mom reminds me of Camilla Parker-Bowles. Dad doesn't say much. Matt has a beady-eyed brother named Simon who never shuts up. Simon says about Chelsea "I was very taken with her...she was quite beautiful." And Simon is....not so beautiful. Obviously, he is lusting after his brother's sloppy seconds.

So..Mom says "Chelsea's done a good sell job on herself but I don't know her well enough to know if she's sincere." Mom asks Chelsea if she's holding back. I decide I like Matt's mom. She gets it and I thought she was a snappy dresser. Holy cow, I'm getting all British after watching the show....soon I'll be peppering the blog with phrases like "lovely" and "let's go on holiday." Matt says putting this whole thing together is like a jigsaw puzzle. Huh?? He kisses Chelsea good-bye and tells her "I adore you honey." She says "bye Baby." Pretty chummy for a girl he's going to dump soon. Anyway...

Next day, Shayne is here to meet the rents. She runs up to him and practically tackles him. That is why he likes this girl; she doesn't exactly play hard to get. He takes Shayne on a double decker bus ride through the city where her writers provide her with insights such as "don't they get bored standing around?" about the beefeaters. She'd do a lot better if she stopped trying to replace Jessica Simpson as a dumb blonde...

So Shayne arrives to meet the parents and instantly sniveling Simon doesn't approve. Seriously, the guy looks like a cartoon version of a villian with the shifty eyes and weird eyebrows. He says something snotty about her being a bleached blonde. Shayne does manage to win over the rest of the family, making a joke about being 12 and saying that she and Matt "understand each other."

Simon then gets her alone and tells her that he originally didn't understand why Matt was attracted to her but she proved him wrong. Mom tells Shayne she feels really at ease with her. Shayne admits to her that her parents have been "remarried a few times." Oh boy, do tell. Like how many times? This seems like an interesting area to delve into....c'mon producers! But no, they skim right over that. Instead, we have alone time with Matt and Mom where she tries to help him figure out who to pick. Matt says he is most at ease with Shayne but has the most passion for Chelsea. Both mom and dad then tell Matt that they think Shayne is most sincere. Sniveling Simon says that Chelsea is. What do you know, Simon. Go pluck your eyebrows.

Okay. Back to Barbados so that the Hilton can get their money's worth. Matt has yet another date with each girl to make up his mind. Dude...you cannot possibly be struggling with this if you're planning to propose the next day. First up, date with Chelsea. He blindfolds her and takes her to a helicopter. When she sees the helicopter, she seriously begins freaking out, she's so excited. Dude. It's a helicopter. Big whop.

So she and Matt jet off to a private beach. Lots of crashing waves and romantic cheesy music. Only problem? Chelsea. At some point, she high-fives Matt and he looks like he wants to make out. This girl does not like Matt. I'm actually convinced she likes girls. Just a feeling. Although they do make out in the hallway and she pushes him out the door. Matt says "she's incredible....everything I've ever wanted." Huh. Not sure your fiance will be happy to hear that tomorrow...

Next day...his date with Shayne. She again practically tackles him. Shayne is wearing a dress that makes her look like a linebacker. I don't get it. Sometimes she seems small, other times, pretty bulky. Girlfriend needs a stylist to help her with that.

Matty and Shayne go parasailing. Shayne says she is " floating around like an angel dreaming of the man that I love." Are you kidding me? Who talks like this? Later that night, she gives him a toy monkey and a picture of her on the beach writing "I love you" in the sand. Matt tells her he is falling in love with her too.

Okay. Next up...you've seen it all before. Standard Bachelor fare. Matt is all torn and goes looking at engagement rings anyway. The girls spend forever getting ready and admiring themselves in the mirror. We hear Matt talking about how different they are, Chelsea buzzing with energy and Shayne very warm and sincere. And the first limo arrives...the person getting the big heave-ho...and it's....Chelsea. Surprise, surprise.

She is dressed like a Greek something or other but still walks like a softball player. No grace, Girlfriend. Matt goes into his whole speech about how amazing she is BUT....you're not the one. Chelsea doesn't really cry and gets a little pissy. As Matt walks her out, he keeps saying he will miss her until Chelsea says that Shayne "is the falsest one here." Then Matt gets all pissy and says "she's isn't...not the person I know. And if you think I'd wind up with a false person here, then you don't know me at all." Then he walks her butt back to the limo and slams the door, though still telling her he'll miss her. Confusing. They do the depressing drive around while Chelsea mopes. Okay. Enough already.

Shayne comes out of the limo in a short yellow dress and seems really freaked out. Matt says something like "When I saw you, I thought you were too good to be true. There's been love, kisses and monkey. I came here to find someone for the rest of my life and I know you'll always be there for me." Then he gets down on one knew and Shayne totally loses it. It's the day she's been practicing for all her life. Notice she doesn't cry....because that would ruin the make-up of course. But she does show a ton of enthusiasm, yelling "I love you" a lot. And in the end, her writers give her a great line (it sounds like something out of a Julia Roberts movie so you know she didn't come up with it)...she says "you can't look at another woman for the rest of our lives because you've already looked at enough during our relationship." Ha, ha. So clever.

Okay. There it is folks. And just in time, too because The Bachelorette starts tonight. We see lots of clips of men fighting over Deanna and calling her a Greek goddess. Uh, no. Don't think so. But beauty's in the eye of the beholder, right?

Still no rose ceremony so enjoy the show tonight!

Nan

Do people with big eyes see better?

This has to be the case. Because I have a big nose and therefore I smell things better.

Some might view this as a blessing but it's not. Particularly as I discussed before on the subway. And now as it turns out, airplanes too.

I had a middle seat on the way to Vancouver. And as soon as I sat down, I knew it would be a long flight. Someone was stinky. It seemed impossible...both people on each side of me looked professional and middle aged and well showered. But then I realized the smell was like...bad breath. And the well-dressed red-haired man next to me was sleeping with his mouth open. Dear Lord. It is a 5 hour flight. Would it be wrong to place a piece of mint gum in his mouth? I'm sure he'd appreciate it. Can people with bad breath taste it? They must.

I seriously chewed gum the whole time trying to block out his saliva. Didn't work. When he finally woke up, he shut his mouth but by then, the smell was stuck in my nostrils.

I promise. Last blog about smelly people. Unless someone really overwhelms me.

n

Mix tape? Who needs a mix tape?

Okay..so...I finally watched the Bachelor finale. They certainly delivered on the romance aspect, ad nauseum. But ...happy ending. For now. More on this tomorrow when I have time to digest it...

In the meantime...I went to Bachelorette website on ABC and there's no rose ceremony game as of yet. But you can make your own mix tape. Seriously...why would you want to do that when you can download music whever you want? I'll keep you posted if the online rose game shows up but in case it doesn't...DON'T FORGET THE BACHELORETTE SHOW STARTS TOMORROW NIGHT! 2 HOUR SPECIAL. 9/8 CENTRAL TIME. Be there or be square. Etc, etc.

Okay. I need to get off the computer and go back to my room before I start hearing weird noises and convince myself it's mice.

Watch the bloggy blog tomorrow. And if the rose ceremony pops up, I'll email you.

n>
>
>

What do you think is the world's most annoying accent...discuss amonst yourselves...

We're watching Gone Baby Gone right now...Boston accents totally bug me. People can say what they want about New York accents...I'll take it anytime over Boston. Opinions?

You know that last post about loving Canada?

Scratch that.

I went to great lengths to get online so I could watch the Bachelor finale only to be told by @#$% ABC THAT YOU MUST BE IN THE US TO WATCH THE EPISODES ONLINE! I mean, WTF? Isn't Canada practically the US anyway? If we wanted it, we'd just take it. And if it was a little warmer, we would probably consider it.

Anyway...no Bachelor finale for me. Which ultimately means...no Bachelor for you. I'm so sorry. I can write it when I return to the States but that won't be until this weekend and frankly, I doubt you'll still be interested.

Do you know a cannon goes off here every night at 9PM? Strange.

Anyhow...I do have a treat for you since I can't bring you the update. You may have seen it yourself online but in case you haven't, take a peek. Thanks Catherine Henley for sending it. Basically, Shayne is posing for Girls Gone Wild magazine. She's not naked but she may as well be. Take a peek:

http://www.dlisted.com/node/25891

And by the way, thanks to everyone who emailed me about The Bachelorette starting next week...so haven't heard the last of me! That's right folks...Deanna is back, looking for a man. Discuss amongst yourselves. My theory is...it will be a good show bc really...Deanna not as nice as everyone thinks she is. Which always makes for a good time.

Again...so sorry about not being able to write this last column. Totally anti-climatic. If someone else wants to write a "guest" column on the finale, let me know and I'll pass it along/post on the bloggy.

Thanks for another great season, guys!

N

Why I love Canada

Yes, I know I need to write my Bachelor Round-Up but first I have to watch it. I got to Vancouver yesterday afternoon after much travel hassles...two hours on the runway before take-off and then an hour after we landed PLUS 1.5 hours going through immigration. Okay. So I could have been in Italy with this amount of travel time. But...I love it here because Canada is so very...Canadian.

First of all, front page news in the local paper yesterday..."Tears Roll When Monkey Dies." Yes guys, this is front page news...the local favorite at the zoo died. My other favorite thing? The local health food store gives you a token if you don't use a plastic bag. You can use the token to donate and they'll donate to their favorite charity. You have a choice between some garden fund, a feral cat fund and homeless people with AIDS. Is it disturbing that the cats seem to be winning? I gave it to the people because I think people should trump cats and flowers (well, most people).

Why I also love Canada...sushi. And the fact that they actually wrap up the miso soup separately from the sushi. A basic concept but one that gets skipped in the US.

And then there is Coffee Crisp. World's best candy bar you can't find in the states. No crap chocolate here. Just the good stuff. The single best reason to come here...because it sure ain't the weather. Rain, rain...go away? Please? At some point?

I'll be back later with the Bachelor Round-Up...

n

So I did watch "The Girls Tell All..."

and I have to say, it wasn't nearly as confrontational as my family. I was not impressed. Much more exciting? The argument this weekend between my dad and my great aunt.

Great Aunt: You're such a crank. You must have eaten crabcakes for breakfast. Did you take your crab pills or something?

Dad: Oh yeah? At least I don't wear sandpaper underwear like you do.



Seriously. Can't make this stuff up.

Marci, if you're reading this...don't tell Mom and Dad I posted it.

And by the way...my assessment of The Girls Tell All is this. Way. Too. Much. Self-Tanning.

And...I think the Bachelor will pick Shayne because he's all spiffed up with a David Beckham haircut. Me likey!

Don't forget to get your picks in for next week!

N

I had a fight with a sand flea...

And the sand flea won. Seriously. I am eaten alive.

Other than that, my sister's wedding went off without a hitch. More details to come. And more Bachelor details. But first, I must get back to work and pretend I do something for a living.

Later.