Every household needs rules. Our rules include no giants, dinosaurs, dragons, witches or ghosts in the house. Fairies, on the other hand, are quite welcome.
Apparently though, giants keep getting in. You'd think someone would notice them climbing up the stairs of our brownstone but no. Sharks are also becoming something of a problem. Just yesterday, they were circling our dining room table:
A: Put your feet up! We're on a pirate ship and there are sharks around.
Me: Okay.
A: Careful! The shark is biting my feet! Now he's biting my private parts!
Me: Um...
A: Now he's eating my nipples! Those are private parts too!
Me: Hey, how about another chicken finger?
And much later, coincidentally around bedtime, a giant got into the house. Again. I told him to leave and not to come back. We checked her bedroom for any extra ones that might be hiding in the closet. We did find a dragon. I made him leave via the fire escape.
Me: By the way, you know that giants and dragons aren't real.
A: Yes. They are pretend. So are witches. And ghosts. And horses.
Me: Well, horses are real.
A: No.
Me: Yes they are. We've seen them.
A: But they are really big.
Me: Yes.
A: Like giants.
I am starting to see the logic here. Kind of.
A: Don't be afraid of giants and dragons, Mommy. They are just pretend.
Me: Okay.
A: But princesses are real. And fairies too.
Me: Do they ever get in the house?
A: No. They live in Florida.
Of course they do. But in the event they ever make it to Brooklyn, we'll invite them in.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Hello, my sweet city...
I'm back. Not that you care.
You're like that old boyfriend I had once
who barely looked up when I entered the room.
And only gave me a compliment once
and that was on my shoes.
Even though you don't always make me feel good about myself
I'm happy to be back in your big, gray arms.
It's okay, you don't have to hug back
as long as you
don't push me away.
You're like that old boyfriend I had once
who barely looked up when I entered the room.
And only gave me a compliment once
and that was on my shoes.
Even though you don't always make me feel good about myself
I'm happy to be back in your big, gray arms.
It's okay, you don't have to hug back
as long as you
don't push me away.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Just in time for Halloween...
we are being haunted by the ghosts of Bachelors past.
Yes, Jason is engaged. Does he deserve to be on the cover of US Magazine? Probably not. Yet, here he is:
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/jason-mesnick-molly-gave-up-bachelorette-for-me-20092810?utm_source=dailynewsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletter
And more importantly, do you think he's had a nose job? Hmmm....what do you think?
Yes, Jason is engaged. Does he deserve to be on the cover of US Magazine? Probably not. Yet, here he is:
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/jason-mesnick-molly-gave-up-bachelorette-for-me-20092810?utm_source=dailynewsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletter
And more importantly, do you think he's had a nose job? Hmmm....what do you think?
Friday, October 23, 2009
Hypochondriacs unite!
In New York, it's sometimes hard to find your peeps. People who really really get you. Quite by accident, I found a few of mine yesterday. Standing on line at CVS, waiting to get our seasonal flu shots.
Now, you have to know that in order to even know about this flu clinic, you had to be the type who did your homework. The clinic was not listed on the nyc.gov website nor did the helpful folks at 311 know about it. After getting shut out of not one but two flu clinics at Duane Reade, I did some major googling. Which led me to this flu clinic at a CVS on 18th Street. The very last flu clinic at any CVS in Manhattan. My daughter got her flu shot at her doctor, my husband was getting his at work. I was not going to be the lone flu target in the house. So I got there 30 minutes early to lines and total mayhem.
Let me first say, I waited for two hours for my shot. Naturally, everyone on line got to know each other pretty well. Here are some bits and pieces of conversation on line. I would like to add that NONE of this is made up or embellished in any way. This is what I heard, word for word, scribbling down in my little black book:
"I'm going to have to do a lot of flying in the next few months. So I guess I should get a face mask."
"Oh yes. You must get a face mask."
"I wonder which aisle they're on?"
"Oh no. Don't buy the ones here. The best ones are at hardware stores. You know, the respirator kinds."
"Maybe we're all getting each other sick, standing so close together on this line."
"No, they won't give the flu shot to anyone here with symptoms. So everyone here is healthy."
"Or maybe they just appear healthy. And tomorrow they will get symptoms. Isn't that when you are most contagious, just before you get something?"
"Do you think they are Purell-ing between people?"
"They better make it cooler in here or people will start passing out. And then CVS will be in big trouble."
"Yes, they should pass out bottles of water."
"I've been shut out of three different flu clinics already."
"Are you going to get the Swine Flu vaccine?"
"I don't know. But I am going to get the pneumonia vaccine."
"Really? I didn't know it existed."
"I might get the pneumonia vaccine but not swine flu. Because that way if I get swine flu, it won't give me pneumonia."
"I didn't know they made so many different kind of protein bars. Or amino acids. Or protein shakes."
"Yeah. I could really go for a malted."
"My friend stopped eating in restaurants because of the flu."
"Well, if she came here to get vaccinated, she wouldn't have to worry."
"Can we pick which nurse gives us the vaccine? I don't like the look of that one."
"If people are willing to wait on line for a movie or a restaurant, why wouldn't they wait on line for this?"
Ah. I love New York.
Now, you have to know that in order to even know about this flu clinic, you had to be the type who did your homework. The clinic was not listed on the nyc.gov website nor did the helpful folks at 311 know about it. After getting shut out of not one but two flu clinics at Duane Reade, I did some major googling. Which led me to this flu clinic at a CVS on 18th Street. The very last flu clinic at any CVS in Manhattan. My daughter got her flu shot at her doctor, my husband was getting his at work. I was not going to be the lone flu target in the house. So I got there 30 minutes early to lines and total mayhem.
Let me first say, I waited for two hours for my shot. Naturally, everyone on line got to know each other pretty well. Here are some bits and pieces of conversation on line. I would like to add that NONE of this is made up or embellished in any way. This is what I heard, word for word, scribbling down in my little black book:
"I'm going to have to do a lot of flying in the next few months. So I guess I should get a face mask."
"Oh yes. You must get a face mask."
"I wonder which aisle they're on?"
"Oh no. Don't buy the ones here. The best ones are at hardware stores. You know, the respirator kinds."
"Maybe we're all getting each other sick, standing so close together on this line."
"No, they won't give the flu shot to anyone here with symptoms. So everyone here is healthy."
"Or maybe they just appear healthy. And tomorrow they will get symptoms. Isn't that when you are most contagious, just before you get something?"
"Do you think they are Purell-ing between people?"
"They better make it cooler in here or people will start passing out. And then CVS will be in big trouble."
"Yes, they should pass out bottles of water."
"I've been shut out of three different flu clinics already."
"Are you going to get the Swine Flu vaccine?"
"I don't know. But I am going to get the pneumonia vaccine."
"Really? I didn't know it existed."
"I might get the pneumonia vaccine but not swine flu. Because that way if I get swine flu, it won't give me pneumonia."
"I didn't know they made so many different kind of protein bars. Or amino acids. Or protein shakes."
"Yeah. I could really go for a malted."
"My friend stopped eating in restaurants because of the flu."
"Well, if she came here to get vaccinated, she wouldn't have to worry."
"Can we pick which nurse gives us the vaccine? I don't like the look of that one."
"If people are willing to wait on line for a movie or a restaurant, why wouldn't they wait on line for this?"
Ah. I love New York.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Breaking Bachelor News...in case you care...
Jason and Molly are engaged. These two deserve each other.
In case you want to read more, go here:
http://tvwatch.people.com/2009/10/21/jason-mesnick-and-molly-malaney-are-engaged/
In case you want to read more, go here:
http://tvwatch.people.com/2009/10/21/jason-mesnick-and-molly-malaney-are-engaged/
Monday, October 19, 2009
This is why the University of Michigan is superior to UF
I say this because my partner at work (and University of Michigan alumni) just explained to me the concept of the two point conversion. Aha. So that's what everyone means when they talk about "going for two." Got it.
And hence...why she went to the University of Michigan. And I did not.
And hence...why she went to the University of Michigan. And I did not.
It's the sport of kings...
better than diamond rings....football.
Anyone else remember that little ditty from the movie "Wildcats?" Just me? Okay.
So I've been watching football for years. Growing up in Florida..that's what you do. And I went to a big football school....okay, this is an understatement. I went to the currently undefeated, National Championship-winning University of Florida. So obviously, I must know everything there is to know about football. Right? Right?
I will go on the record here and now and say there are a lot of things I don't understand about it. Does this make me sound like an idiot? Possibly. But there are things I just don't get...
1. What are "special teams?" No one has ever given me a straight answer on this.
2. What constitutes "excessive celebrating?" Is it jumping up and down? A fist pump to the air? Chest bumping teammates? I don't get it. Who gets to decide? And also, who cares?
3. What's up with the flags? I never seem to see them when they get thrown. And why do they get thrown? For stuff like "holding?" Isn't it necessary to hold the football in order to make a goal?
4. Why is it impossible to tell if the kicker makes the extra point? Unless it runs right down the middle, who can tell?
5. First down? Third down? Husband has explained this to me but I still don't actually know what this is.
6. How do you know if your team is a running team or a throwing team? And also, why is this important?
My dear college roommate used to try to help me, sitting next to me at Gator games and saying "clap now" but it didn't really help. I can still generally tell who wins the game. Touchdowns are also exceedingly clear. Extra points, not always.
Yes, I want the Gators to win. And the Hurricanes to lose. I even want the Dolphins to win...even if they never do. But the details? Still a bit of a mystery.
Anyone else remember that little ditty from the movie "Wildcats?" Just me? Okay.
So I've been watching football for years. Growing up in Florida..that's what you do. And I went to a big football school....okay, this is an understatement. I went to the currently undefeated, National Championship-winning University of Florida. So obviously, I must know everything there is to know about football. Right? Right?
I will go on the record here and now and say there are a lot of things I don't understand about it. Does this make me sound like an idiot? Possibly. But there are things I just don't get...
1. What are "special teams?" No one has ever given me a straight answer on this.
2. What constitutes "excessive celebrating?" Is it jumping up and down? A fist pump to the air? Chest bumping teammates? I don't get it. Who gets to decide? And also, who cares?
3. What's up with the flags? I never seem to see them when they get thrown. And why do they get thrown? For stuff like "holding?" Isn't it necessary to hold the football in order to make a goal?
4. Why is it impossible to tell if the kicker makes the extra point? Unless it runs right down the middle, who can tell?
5. First down? Third down? Husband has explained this to me but I still don't actually know what this is.
6. How do you know if your team is a running team or a throwing team? And also, why is this important?
My dear college roommate used to try to help me, sitting next to me at Gator games and saying "clap now" but it didn't really help. I can still generally tell who wins the game. Touchdowns are also exceedingly clear. Extra points, not always.
Yes, I want the Gators to win. And the Hurricanes to lose. I even want the Dolphins to win...even if they never do. But the details? Still a bit of a mystery.
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