Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Mouse...your days are numbered...you rat bastard.

Every once in a while, just when I think he's left the premises, I find one lone mouse turd to remind me that he has not. And it's never in the same place.

Yes, this is the ramblings of a crazy person.

And yes, the turd does exist. Just to prove it, I showed it to my husband. On a Clorox wipe.

I might have to blow up the brownstone. But I will get this mouse.

And when I do, I'm mailing it to the owner of Chick-Fil-A.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Why everything good has to be so bad

Of course, I always knew Chick-Fil-A wasn't REALLY good for me. I mean, it's hard to make a case for the health benefits of chicken nuggets and waffle fries. But it's oh-so-yummy. And they don't have it in NYC, which makes it all the more appealing when I go home to Florida. I actually make it a point to go, if you can believe it.

And so....when I was Facebooking (aka procrastinating) today, I discovered that Chick-Fil-A was giving away free food on Labor Day. So I decided to do some free advertising for them and post that in my status update. It's not like I was doing it for myself....considering they don't even sell it here.

Lo and behold, one of my facebook friends alerts me that the owner of Chick-Fil-A is actually a fundamentalist who fires people who are gay, passes out anti-abortion literature and gives money to all Republican causes. This sets me out on a search about the man, Samuel Truett Cathy. It seems that all of this appears to be true. In as much as you can find these sorts of things on the Internet. Mind you, it all seemed pretty consistent. And to boot, some Chick-Fil-A chains give out literature on the santity of marriage, etc. Because nothing goes better with chicken nuggets than some rhetoric.

Mind you, this guy has every right to run his business how he likes (such as keeping the doors shut on Sunday). However, he does not have a right to fire gays or non-Christians And as for the literature, well...he can pass it out. But I am also within my rights not to patronize places that try to force their ideas down my throat. And also to let everyone know about it.

And so...the next time I go down to Florida, I will instead visit my second-favorite Southern chain, Pollo Tropical, home of some of the best fried plantains in the world. And the chicken nuggets and waffle fries? I won't even miss them.


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Monday, August 18, 2008

Reflections on body glitter

Someone asked today if glitter was toxic. After all, what's it made of? Metal? And people (usually kids) wipe it all over themselves? Should there be a ban on glitter?

If that happens, then the Russian gymnasts are screwed. Has anyone noticed the liberal use of body glitter in the Olympics? Should it fall under banned substances? I mean, they put it in their hair. No lipstick, but body glitter. Hmmm.

Anyone else notice this?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Strange happenings at the park

So I have a critter connection. It's not like I talk to the animals or anything. It's just that for some reason, animals always find me whether I want them to or not.

When I lived in Florida, my dad always joked that all the animals and reptiles would show up to welcome me home. There was the time I was lying on the carpet in my room and a frog jumped up next to me. I also once stepped on a frog on my way to the bus stop, causing my grandmother to purchase a small flashlight the family called "the frog light" to prevent other such mishaps. I won't even talk about how many flying bugs have appeared in my bedroom or the lizard that lived in my shower.

This trend continued once I moved to New York. Seemed impossible that wildlife could find me in the city but it happened. My first year was plagued by mice infestation, topped off my accidental execution of a mouse in a toaster. Getting a cat seemed to solve this problem for a while though there was one time when a grasshopper invaded my apartment in Chelsea. The cat did all he could to get it but it only set off more chirps than anyone should ever have to hear in her lifetime. And I won't even talk about my recent mouse infestation for fear they might hear me and come back. They're probably reading my blog right now and laughing.

Of course, living so close to Prospect Park, I've seen my fair share of critters. Prospect Park has bats and I've seen t but thus far, they have not truly come looking for me. The birds, however, can get a bit nervy. Yesterday, as I pushed A on the swings she kept pointing and saying "birds." I was like "yes, lots of birds" and kept pushing. But she seemed rather insistent and then said "seat!" I looked over at her stroller and four or five little birds had invaded and were munching out on whatever wayward crumbs she had left in there. I tried to shoo them away and they persisted. They were like, duuuude. We're having brunch.

It gets better. After some hearty playtime, A. and I sit down on the bench for a snack. A bee comes up behind her. I try to stay calm but naturally I don't. I decide to move her away from the bee. The bee follows. I walk her across the park to another bench and I swear, that @#$%! bee is right behind me. And I then I realize the bee wants her granola bar. I throw the bar on the ground. The bee is like, cool and leaves us alone.

I'm telling you, I am never going to the jungle. Ever. The lions will sniff us out in half a second.

I swear I hear a mouse chuckling.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I know I have no right to blog about my high school reunion....

since I didn't go. But still. I've got something to say.

I've seen all the pictures. Some are good, some are bad, some are frightening. Some make me wish I went, others...not so much. In any case, I'm glad for facebook because as it turns out, it's like attending a reunion every day of your life. Plus it has all the pictures from the reunion which is all you really need anyway.

And so...based solely on the pictures and reports from several undisclosed sources, here are a few lessons learned from CCHS Class of '88 Reunion. Don't worry, no names or anything.

1. Do not go to reunion red as a lobster. This is not a good look. It was not a good look for Prom. And 20 years later, it only serves to make you look older than you are. And very, very shiny.

2. Just because you have breasts does not mean the rest of the world needs to see them. I'm not saying this as a prude. I'm saying. It's been 20 years. Even with the best of bras...and there are good ones out there....time takes its toll. Put those puppies away. They've had plenty of years to play in the sun.

3. If you really do have a government job that is TOP SECRET and HIGHLY CLASSIFIED, don't tell everyone about it. I'm sure that defeats the purpose. Come up with a really impressive lie. Our government is good at that, they can probably help you out in that area.

4. Steroids. Wasn't a great look in high school. An even worse idea now. Plus try to buy a shirt in your size. Thank you.

5. If you must brag about how much money you make, attempt to be subtle about it. Like say, wear really nice shoes. Everyone will get the picture. Actual dollar amounts are just pathetic.

6. If you really hated everyone in high school, don't tell everyone about it. Just don't go to the reunion. Not that I'm including myself in this category...

7. Don't assume that everyone wants to hear your life story. They don't. Put it to you this way...do you want to hear theirs?

I'm sure I'll think of more. But this should be enough to make everyone from high school dislike me.

Have a good night.

Monday, August 4, 2008

The pornographic virus

that's what I think I have.

It's called coxsackie virus and no, it's not a sexually transmitted disease. It's something kids pick up in pools and give to their unsuspecting parents.

A. is fine but she wasn't three days ago. A mystery fever appeared and disappeared. We thought it was teething. She also wasn't eating much. We thought it was the excitement of her cousins. Apparently, we were wrong.

Yesterday, I hate a mystery fever and weird muscle aches. Today I have odd stuff in my mouth. My friend mentions this weird virus. I look it up and yup. That's what I've got.

Fun times.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

My fingers hurt

yet I'm still typing. What is wrong with this picture?

Anyone ever have a fever and achy fingers/toes? I am resisting the temptation to look up symptoms on the internet and get myself crazy. But if anyone has ever had this particular ailment, let me know.

In the meantime, while I am glad to be back after a vacation to North Carolina, I have to say, coming back to the dirt of NYC is always a bit of a shock. One day I suppose I will live somewhere where I don't first have to go looking for mouse droppings before I unpack my bags. Is it possible I am getting too old for the grit? A sure sign that middle age is right around the corner.

Too tired to blog about my thoughts on my high school reunion pictures. Probably not fair to blog about something I didn't attend but that's never stopped me before.

Okay. That is all. My sore digits are saying goodnight.