Friday, July 31, 2009

Anderson Cooper asks Jillian that burning question...

see for yourself:

Thanks Peter Farrell for bringing this to my attention...

Happy Friday and enjoy.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The Reluctant Princess

In case you think I'm talking about my daughter, think again. It's me.

That's because we are going through a princess phase in our house and I'm slightly amused yet horrified at the same time.

Though A. has informed me that she is the queen and I am the princess. At least she aiming to be in the position of authority.

I could handle the pink and the tutus and the fairy wings. But there is just something so insipid about Snow White chirping away "someday my prince will come." And A. gets really annoyed if I try to imitate her, fluttering my eyelashes and gesturing wildly.

"Listen," she will tell me. "Just listen."

And she does. And she loves it. So I will keep my opinions to myself. Or try. Try very hard. Because if this is what she likes, than she deserves to experience it. Let her dream of fluffy dresses and fairy godmothers. And before we know it, she'll be on to horses or dinosaurs or whatever else phase comes next.

In the meantime, the hierarchy is Snow White first, then Arielle (who she calls Marielle) and Cinderella.

"What do the princesses do?" she asks me.

"Well," I say. "Snow White cooks, Arielle swims and Cinderella cleans."

She wrinkles her nose. "What about Sleeping Beauty?"

"She just sleeps."

"I don't like that!"

"Sorry, that's what they do."

It won't be long now. In the meantime, did you know that a wish is a dream your heart makes? When its fast asleep?

Nothing more needs to be said about Jillian and Ed...

so I won't. Except...good luck. And...Reid for Bachelor!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Bachelorette Finale....drama? What drama?

This is how I know I’m a geek. As if there was ever any doubt.

I spent a shameful part of yesterday cruising the Internet, looking for scoop on what might happen on The Bachelorette Finale. One blogger promised that Ed had a girlfriend and there would much drama surrounding this. Another claimed she chose no one. Even Chris Harrison promised “most dramatic season finale ever!”

Ha. I think not.

Certainly not as dramatic as Brad Womack choosing no one. Or Jason picking one and then the other. What happened last night? She picked Ed. Otherwise known as E.D. Code name, Green Shorts. Perhaps if he didn’t wear those so tight, the E.D. wouldn’t be much of a problem.

So last night Jilly brought her family (mom, dad, granny and look-alike cousin) to Hawaii to meet the two remaining guys. I’ll be honest, I missed most of Ed meeting the parents, though I hear he put on a coconut shell bikini and danced with Jilly’s dad. And of course, that he asked for her hand in marriage. I tried to dedicate two whole hours to the show but really, it’s just impossible. At 8pm, Girlfriend and I were having debates over reading Fancy Nancy versus Dora the Explorer and deciding whether or not Hoho the Monkey was an acceptable bedtime substitute for the orange Care Bear. Don’t know what I’m talking about? You might someday…

Anyway, I tuned into Kiptyn attempting to make nice nice with Jilly’s parents. Ah, Kiptyn. Mr. “Nine-pack” (Jilly’s words, not mine….wouldn’t there have to be an even number to be on both sides of the stomach?) There’s nothing technically wrong with Kiptyn. It’s just he’s a bit too…perfect. And I have to say, it seemed like he was phoning it in a bit with Jilly’s family. Either that or he is the most boring person on the planet. Which is entirely possible.

Then Jilly asks her family what they think. Mom and the cousin like Kiptyn. Dad likes Ed. No, Dad loves Ed. Dad wants Jillian to marry Ed. Or maybe Dad wants to marry Ed?

Jilly then pulls her cousin aside for some “girl talk” where she politely tells her that she doesn’t want to rip off Ed’s clothes. Cousin looks at her like, duh. Go for the guy with the nine-pack! Whatever the hell that is.

Next day, off to the Big Island with the two loves of Jilly’s life. First up, date with Ed. Jillian says “Ed and I are a basket full of nerves. There’s a lot of pressure here.” Why? Because Ed talks the talk but he can’t walk the walk. Hope he brought his little blue pill!

First off, Jill and Ed take a helicopter ride into a volcano. Ed seems jealous of all the exploding lava. The two of them make out a lot. He says “I don’t know if it was the volcano that was heating things up but it sure was hot in there.” I’m shaking my head.

Then they land and take a hike to a waterfall, to a secluded spot where they make out some more. I’m fairly certain he is eating Jilly’s chin.

Then Ed busts out the green shorts and they go swimming in the waterfall. He tells Jilly he will never leave her again. And that he wants to take her back to his room. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Jill says, I’m worried he is going to stress out again.

But ABC wants to make it perfectly clear that isn’t the case. Not only do they show Ed and Jill in a darkened bedroom, they actually show the lights going out. In case there was ever any doubt in your mind, they then cut to a shot of an exploding volcano with lava pouring out. I considered throwing things at the television at this point but thought my husband wouldn’t appreciate it.

Next day, next dude. Kiptyn of the fine abs. Jilly and Kiptyn make out on a surfboard, something I wasn’t sure was even possible. Then they’re in the bedroom, making out while holding wine glasses, which is another neat trick. Kiptyn tells her he wants to spend his life with her. Truthfully, JIlly looks a little bored. But she touches his abs and she’s back in business.

Okay. Next morning. Proposal day! JIlly wakes up and says she knows who she wants to be with. In the meantime, Kip and Ed go ring shopping. Kiptyn picks out a nice-looking three carat ring. What the hell, he’s not paying for it. I don’t remember much about it but thought it was nice, if a bit bling-y. Ed picked out a pear-shaped diamond that frankly, looked a little mafia wife to me. You may disagree with me but it is possible to have too many diamonds.

Jilly dresses in a bridesmaidy looking pink dress. She even does a ridiculous little twirl in front of the mirror. Who does that? Besides Cinderella. She tells Chris Harrison she is nervous. He says “you know what you have to do” and escorts her onto this weird platform with water on either side. It would only be cool if they had sharks in the water.

And who’s out of the limo first?? Why, it’s Kiptyn! Now, Kiptyn has never been dumped before. So he kind of assumes he’s going to win this thing. The abs have never been turned down before. Kiptyn grabs Jilly’s hands and start telling her all the reasons why he wants to marry her. Jilly starts to cry and says she has fallen for someone else. Kiptyn immediately gets pretty business-like and says, well, Ed’s a lucky man. He practically shakes her hand. Kip seems a bit more teary in the limo but I never really bought it.

And then…you assume the next limo will pull up. Instead, it’s a cab. Out steps Reid in a suit with sneakers. He’s here to save the day, to keep Jillian from dealing with a lifetime of E.D. He tells us a bunch of times “that he had to pull multiple strings to get here.” Uh huh. Right. Like the ABC producers weren’t rubbing their hands together with glee.

Jillian sees him and puts her hand on her heart. They hug and I am distracted by something weird on Jillian’s elbow. And then I notice her foundation isn’t well-blended. Sorry, I totally have ADD sometimes.

Jill puts her head on Reid’s head as he says “I was an idiot. I came back to tell you I loved you.” She says “I was falling in love with you, I missed everything we had.” Does this sound like someone who should accept a proposal from someone else? I think not! Reid goes on and says “I’m like a four year old, I love you this much.” She says “I let you go because you couldn’t tell me how you felt.”

And then Reid gets down on one knee and proposes and she looks kind of happy. Then she realizes she is supposed to be getting a proposal from Ed and pulls Reid off his knees and says “I need to think about this.” He says “what do you need to think about/” She says “I was thinking I was going to spend the rest of my life with someone else today.”

And that folks, is exactly why this season should have ended with no proposal accepted. But I think Jilly found it hard to resist.

So Jilly goes inside to ponder Reid and Reid waits outside, sweating like a…what do people sweat like? I almost said racehorse but that is something else.

It seems like Jilly contemplates a long time but I noticed they put one shot of her up several times so…who knows. Chris Harrison decides to help her out.

Chris: Where’s your gut?

Jilly: How am I supposed to make a decision like this?

Chris: Because you just know. Are you excited by the prospect of Ed proposing? Then you know what you need to do.

So JIlly marches out and tells Reid no. Jillian walks him and his sad sneakers out. Reid keeps saying it doesn’t make sense and “some people are better in this situation than others.” Reid is back in the cab, saying he has no regrets but it just doesn’t make sense sense and that he was too late.

And then Ed shows with his purple tie and a pear-shaped diamond. Jillian practically tackles him when he proposes. She is cheering and jumps into his arms. I think for a moment that she might do a split. There is happy music as we see a montage of the Ed/Jilly love story. In case you’re wondering what to buy them for their wedding, might I suggest a lifetime supply of the little blue pill?

And that’s it, folks. Season’s over! Unless you count tonight…which is After the Final Rose. My guess is they bring back Reid to be the next bachelor. We shall see!

Thanks for tuning into the blog. Come back and visit sometime.


Most dramatic season finale ever?

Ugh....I don't think so.

Talk about hype. Unless Jillian dumps poor Ed on television tonight, I think we can safely say last night's show ended with a whimper. And a kinda of ugly pear-shaped diamond.

Ed? Really? Good luck with that.

More to come.


Monday, July 27, 2009

Let the train wreck begin!

It's finale time! The show starts at 8. I still predict that Jillian pulls a Brad Womack. We shall see.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

This is just wrong...

but funny. Check out this spoof of the Bachelorette:

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Men Tell All…AKA Hello Whiners!

Seriously. I don’t blame Jillian a bit if she doesn’t pick any of these guys. What a pack of catty little brats. The Men Tell All was basically a bitchfest where all the guys complained about each other. I’m not going to go into it minute by excruciating minute but here are the highlights.

Jillian has a sit down with Chris to talk about all the men. Good lighting and a good dress do wonders for this girl. Based on everything she says about everyone (mostly diplomatic stuff) I think she is setting us all up for saying she chooses no one. Jilly claims that Tanner’s foot fetish was okay with her, that David talking about her butt wasn’t cool and that she felt sick when Ed left. Also…that she saw the good side of Wes and that she thought she’d marry a honkey tonk cowboy.

ABC then shares some behind the scenes footage which is generally lame-O but this time has one of the Harlem Globetrotters dishing out relationship advice. Best line from Special K (the Globetrotter, in case you don’t follow them….does anyone?)…he says “Mike has good hair. See if he’ll cut it for you.” And also Juan “is supposed to be in competition with other guys but he invited us all back to the house.” Hmm.

Then ABC drags out Molly and Jason and we have to hear about how happy they are, blah, blah, blah. They both claim they would marry each other tomorrow yet they still don’t live in the same city. Yeah. Okay. Talk to me when Little Ty wakes up Molly at 4am vomiting ravioli. Then we’ll see how in love you guys are.

Chris Harrison tells us that Reid “had a prior engagement and couldn’t make it.” Uh huh. That’s because poor Reid is coming back to beg for JIlly’s hand. But the rest of the guys were there (except for Wes, who apparently thinks he is being treated unfairly by ABC). What did we learn last night?

1. The two Tanners give each other high fives over having a cool name.

2. Everyone thinks Jake is square (picture me drawing the outline of a square). He is a little squeaky. Like you can totally picture him as a small town preacher on say, The Waltons.

3. Robby is a drunk ass. Robby D!

4. If Dave hasn’t committed homicide yet, I’m pretty sure he will.

5. Dave also thinks that after you compliment a woman on her eyes, her butt is the next logical thing to talk about.

6. Jake said the F word for possibly the first time in his life.

7. The ladies love Jakie Jake. As if you didn’t know.

8. Apparently, fake-drinking a shot goes against “the man code.”

9. “Pulling a Mesnick” means leaning over a hotel balcony and sobbing like a girl with a broken dolly.

10. Jillian gave up her job to be on the show. Yeah. That was really worth it.

Really. There was nothing else interesting going on. I will say that I thought Jesse looked a little worse in this lighting and Mark the Pizza Guy looked a little better. So did Mike Steinberg and Pop-in-Lock Michael, though I still think he is gay and doesn’t know it yet. Also, Jillian used a bit too much of the fake tan this week.

Next week is the big finale. My prediction? ABC leaves us hanging like they did last time. Meaning….Jillian will be conflicted and make her decision on the After The Final Rose Show the next day. I have no proof, just a gut feeling. We shall see…stay tuned…

Have a good Tuesday,

"You're an awful human."

And they say girls are catty? These guys were just as bad. Good times on The Men Tell All. Though I will put it on the record that I don't think Jillian chooses any of them. There. I've said it.

More to come...

Monday, July 20, 2009

Two hour of the Men Tell All? are they going to stretch this one out?

My predictions:

Dave is mean.

Juan is wussy.

Michael cries.

Tanner talks about feet.

But it you want to see for yourself, it starts at 8pm.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Bachelorette Round-Up "I'm not just a pilot..."

So I’m back from vacation and still living in post-vacation non-reality. Which means I am going to attempt to accentuate the positive. Being in places like Vermont will do that to a person. Forgive me. I’m sure it will only last another day or two.

The positive: I caught most of last night’s show. The reality: I only missed the first fifteen minutes but that was the entire length of Kimptyn’s date with Jillian. Damn!

Oh well. I’m sure it was just more shots of his crazy abs and pointy ears. Was that positive? I’m trying here, folks. Don’t worry, I promise not to turn into one of those people who says things like “Smile! Friday’s almost here!”

Okay. So I tune in just in time for Jilly’s date with Reid. They are going on a helicopter ride. Reid is excited because he’s never been on one. Well, who has? Mostly cops, I would imagine. At least those are the kinds of helicopters we always see in my neighborhood. Reid and Jilly are like making out the whole time. Always a good sign in my book, if you can’t keep your hands off each other. Guess the helicopter pilot thinks so too because that’s when he tells them that “not only is he a pilot but an ordained minister, too.” Jillian grins. Reid begins to sweat. And thus, begins the problem with this date.

The positive: they’re in Hawaii. Yay! The negative: Jilly wants Reid to say he loves and her and will propose soon. Uh oh.

Call me unromantic but…I think a proposal at the end of this has always been a bad idea. Just pick someone and date them in the real world. Saying you will marry someone after six weeks of non-exclusive dating is silly. Jilly doesn’t seem to agree and really presses Reid on the subject.

JILL: Did I freak you out when I talked about marriage?


JILL: So what’s going on in your head?

REID: Well it’s all been very fast. It feels rushed. I don’t want to see you with other guys.

Which is a good sign, right? If a guy doesn’t want to share you? But that night, Jillian continues the full court press.

JILL (PICKING A BUG OFF OF REID LIKE ONE OF THOSE MONKEYS YOU SEE ON ANIMAL PLANET): So are you ready to propose at the end of this?

REID: Maybe. Possibly.

JILL: You’re like the Magic Eight Ball right now. All signs point to…

Reid continues to hem and haw. Jilly really wants that ring. Instead, she pulls out the fantasy suite card. Reid thinks it’s a good idea. Well, duh. He tells Jillian he is not good at the L word. Poor thing can’t even get the word out.

Next shot (after the huge light-up sign of THE WESTIN HOTEL….and now a word from our sponsor!)….is Jilly and Reid in a very bubbly bath holding up champagne. Could it be more staged? Could Reid look more embarrassed? Could anyone be more humiliated? Which leads us to our next date…

Ed. Or E.D. as we shall now call him. Why? Because our friend needs the little blue pill. Viva Viagra, my friend! Here is an example of how you can do everything right, say everything right but it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that schwing. I’m not sure if I should be horrified or amused that ABC decided to be straight up with this. Okay, last erection pun, I promise. Maybe.

So Ed and Jilly ride a catamaran. She straddles him underwater. He surprises her by flying in his parents to meet her. Jilly LOVES his parents. OMG, you guys love to play cards? I LOVE TO PLAY CARDS! So much enthusiasm, I wanted to….stop, stop, stop. Must be positive for a few more hours.

So Ed’s mom and dad look a little stunned to be on television. His father says, “What the hell are we doing here?” His dad is pissed he left his job to chase some girl on tv. Meanwhile, Jilly does her best to cozy up to Mom, even telling her she “did a great job raising him.” Come on. Could you possibly kiss up more? And then Ed’s dad and Jilly talk and he gets all choked up, saying “I’ve never seen Ed put his feelings on his shirt sleeves.” Oh dear. This is getting corny, here.

Alone time at last! Ed tells Jilly she is perfect for him. Jilly comes out in only a low-cut white sweater because really, what says romance more than a sweater? Then she busts out some oil, ABC turns on the soft core porn music and she straddles him. All right, ABC…way to be subtle. They do that camera shot through the window that lets you know it’s loving time. And then…uh oh. A light goes on in the bedroom!

Jilly says the loving feeling wasn’t there.

Oh sure, the loving feeling like you love your teddy bear was there. But not the kind that makes you want to get sweaty.

Birds do it. Bees do it. But Ed…he can’t do it.

It might have been the most humiliating thing ABC’s shown us in Bachelor/Bachelorette history. And that’s saying something.

JIlly has a sit down with Chris. He asks her about E.D. and his ED. Chris says “pressure has affected the physical part of the relationship.” She nods soberly. And then…woo-hoo! Each guy sends Jilly a video message. Pretty non-memorable except for E.D. who lays it on thick, saying he loves her and wants to propose. Seriously, she’s not going to fall for that, is she? Is she?

Rose ceremony time. Ed thinks it’s a good idea to bust out a lavender jacket, blue shirt and white pants. Because no woman can resist that.

And the first rose goes to Kimpton.

And the second goes to….ED?????

Really? The guy you said you had no chemistry with? Really??? Just because he’s willing to show up with a ring….one that ABC is paying for?

Uh, okay. I could say more but I’m being positive this week.

In the meantime, poor Reid. He looks really sad. She tells him they are at different places in their life. In the limo, he says I was falling in love with her. I screwed up and should have told her how I was feeling sooner. Meanwhile, Jilly sobs. Ed tries to comfort her, holding her in his arms. Apparently, that part of his body works.

Next week, it’s the Men Tell All Show. Expect lots of foot jokes from Tanner.

That’s all, folks. Happy Tuesday.


"I'm not just a pilot, I'm an ordained minister."

Seriously folks, Jillian should have taken the opportunity to marry Reid in the helicopter. Instead, she dumped him for a man with “performance” issues. Yeah. That’ll last.

More to come later.

Monday, July 13, 2009

I'm baaaaaack....

Sorry been so lame about the Bachelorette blog this season. Between my flu (not swine) and my vacation (it's over...sigh....)...there's been no time. But I'm back. I really am.

Tonight. In Hawaii. Minus Wes.


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

No Bachelorette Blog this week...

sorry. No can do. Leaving for vacation tomorrow and work's too busy. Plus the day after always feels Why bother?

Sorry guys. I never usually skip but my sinuses feel like they are about to explode so I'm not feeling terribly funny right now.

Have a good day,