Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Men Tell All…AKA Hello Whiners!

Seriously. I don’t blame Jillian a bit if she doesn’t pick any of these guys. What a pack of catty little brats. The Men Tell All was basically a bitchfest where all the guys complained about each other. I’m not going to go into it minute by excruciating minute but here are the highlights.

Jillian has a sit down with Chris to talk about all the men. Good lighting and a good dress do wonders for this girl. Based on everything she says about everyone (mostly diplomatic stuff) I think she is setting us all up for saying she chooses no one. Jilly claims that Tanner’s foot fetish was okay with her, that David talking about her butt wasn’t cool and that she felt sick when Ed left. Also…that she saw the good side of Wes and that she thought she’d marry a honkey tonk cowboy.

ABC then shares some behind the scenes footage which is generally lame-O but this time has one of the Harlem Globetrotters dishing out relationship advice. Best line from Special K (the Globetrotter, in case you don’t follow them….does anyone?)…he says “Mike has good hair. See if he’ll cut it for you.” And also Juan “is supposed to be in competition with other guys but he invited us all back to the house.” Hmm.

Then ABC drags out Molly and Jason and we have to hear about how happy they are, blah, blah, blah. They both claim they would marry each other tomorrow yet they still don’t live in the same city. Yeah. Okay. Talk to me when Little Ty wakes up Molly at 4am vomiting ravioli. Then we’ll see how in love you guys are.

Chris Harrison tells us that Reid “had a prior engagement and couldn’t make it.” Uh huh. That’s because poor Reid is coming back to beg for JIlly’s hand. But the rest of the guys were there (except for Wes, who apparently thinks he is being treated unfairly by ABC). What did we learn last night?

1. The two Tanners give each other high fives over having a cool name.

2. Everyone thinks Jake is square (picture me drawing the outline of a square). He is a little squeaky. Like you can totally picture him as a small town preacher on say, The Waltons.

3. Robby is a drunk ass. Robby D!

4. If Dave hasn’t committed homicide yet, I’m pretty sure he will.

5. Dave also thinks that after you compliment a woman on her eyes, her butt is the next logical thing to talk about.

6. Jake said the F word for possibly the first time in his life.

7. The ladies love Jakie Jake. As if you didn’t know.

8. Apparently, fake-drinking a shot goes against “the man code.”

9. “Pulling a Mesnick” means leaning over a hotel balcony and sobbing like a girl with a broken dolly.

10. Jillian gave up her job to be on the show. Yeah. That was really worth it.

Really. There was nothing else interesting going on. I will say that I thought Jesse looked a little worse in this lighting and Mark the Pizza Guy looked a little better. So did Mike Steinberg and Pop-in-Lock Michael, though I still think he is gay and doesn’t know it yet. Also, Jillian used a bit too much of the fake tan this week.

Next week is the big finale. My prediction? ABC leaves us hanging like they did last time. Meaning….Jillian will be conflicted and make her decision on the After The Final Rose Show the next day. I have no proof, just a gut feeling. We shall see…stay tuned…

Have a good Tuesday,

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