No Giants in the House

Every household needs rules. Our rules include no giants, dinosaurs, dragons, witches or ghosts in the house. Fairies, on the other hand, are quite welcome.

Apparently though, giants keep getting in. You'd think someone would notice them climbing up the stairs of our brownstone but no. Sharks are also becoming something of a problem. Just yesterday, they were circling our dining room table:

A: Put your feet up! We're on a pirate ship and there are sharks around.

Me: Okay.

A: Careful! The shark is biting my feet! Now he's biting my private parts!

Me: Um...

A: Now he's eating my nipples! Those are private parts too!

Me: Hey, how about another chicken finger?

And much later, coincidentally around bedtime, a giant got into the house. Again. I told him to leave and not to come back. We checked her bedroom for any extra ones that might be hiding in the closet. We did find a dragon. I made him leave via the fire escape.

Me: By the way, you know that giants and dragons aren't real.

A: Yes. They are pretend. So are witches. And ghosts. And horses.

Me: Well, horses are real.

A: No.

Me: Yes they are. We've seen them.

A: But they are really big.

Me: Yes.

A: Like giants.

I am starting to see the logic here. Kind of.

A: Don't be afraid of giants and dragons, Mommy. They are just pretend.

Me: Okay.

A: But princesses are real. And fairies too.

Me: Do they ever get in the house?

A: No. They live in Florida.

Of course they do. But in the event they ever make it to Brooklyn, we'll invite them in.

Hello, my sweet city...

I'm back. Not that you care.

You're like that old boyfriend I had once

who barely looked up when I entered the room.

And only gave me a compliment once

and that was on my shoes.

Even though you don't always make me feel good about myself

I'm happy to be back in your big, gray arms.

It's okay, you don't have to hug back

as long as you

don't push me away.