Okay. So. I'm back.... though I never got to watch much of the group date. Or the end of the date with Kipton. But last night, I did manage to catch the super-awkward attempted kiss by David.
Now. David’s got problems. He’s got crazy eyes. The only possible reason why she could possibly be keeping him around are the producers. Like seriously, I’m not sure he hasn’t killed someone yet.
The worst part is, David’s the type who assumes you want him to kiss you. Ever met one of those? You already know he’s a bully with the guys, turns out he is with women too. He insists Jillian wants to kiss him. She’s like, um…no. And he’s like, you totally want me. Girlfriend is giving the Heisman…but he still keeps going for it. And then he has the nerve to like, inappropriately touch her shirt. I believe a couple of you told me he also slapped her on the butt. At that point, I would take the rose and swat him across the face with it. David, who apparently is familiar with the river called Denial, says “she’s holding back…she’s testing me and I love it.” Jillian in turn gives the rose to Jesse the wine maker.
Next up, a two-on-one date, meaning one guy goes home and one stays. The date is with Mike, the confident Speedo guy and Mark the…hmmm. I barely remember Mark. Why? Because he’s a member of the spiky-hair brigade and he looks like ten other guys in the house. Mike lays it out on the line with Jillian, running over to her and scooping her up, holding her hand in the helicopter and telling Jillian there isn’t anything he would do to make her happy. Mostly, Mark sits there with his mouth open, not saying much. When Jillian says she wouldn’t be okay if she didn’t find a mate, Mark says he’d be fine buying a dog and moving to Alaska.
So who do you think the rose goes to? Hmmm…let’ s think about this for a moment. Who is the suitable mate here? Yup. You’ve got it. Mark, the guy who will be happy in his igloo with a view of Russia. Naturally.
Back to the mildewy hotel. It’s cocktail party night. Jillian spends some alone time with Reid and his totally cool glasses. I can’t tell you how much better I think he looks with them. Just more interesting. They smooch. And you know what? These two actually look like a couple.
Unlike our friend Wes. Wes doesn’t have many friends in the house. Jake says “there is the side to Wes that she sees and the one the rest of us see.” For some reason, Jillian insists upon making out with him. Tanner tells Jake that Wes has a girlfriend. Of course, Tanner has a boyfriend...so who is he to talk?
Unfortunately, Tanner makes the mistake of telling Jillian that one of the guys has a girlfriend. This sends Jilly into a tailspin. The rose ceremony consists of the most ridiculous stand-off in Bachelor history. Chris tells everyone the rumor that someone has a girlfriend and everyone spends most of the time denying and it telling everyone else around them “to man up” and admit it. Scintillating television, I gotta tell ya. Of course, no one admits jack squat.
The only good news? Crazy-eyed David and Juan are out. Juan declares that he and Jillian “will be friends forever.” David is , well, angry. He whispers to Jillian, “why?” Because you’re a psycho, dude. He still thinks the reason he’s out is because “someone threw him under the bus.” Yes. You did.
Tune in next week when it appears that Jillian continues to badger Tanner into telling her who has the girlfriend. Could this be the end of Wes? “You know love don’t come eeeasssyy…”
P.S. My apologies for any typos...it's late and I'm tired.