Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Bachelor Round-Up..."Sometimes a tree has to get knocked down before it can bear fruit..."

Okay so...just getting around to writing this now. And of course, HIllary is on tv about to concede the nomination. Please oh please let Obama give her the vice presidency...what a dream ticket that would be. So I'm a little distracted as we speak. But...I will try to be amusing and patriotic at the same time.

Last night started with Chris our Invisible Host reminding us that there will be one group date and two one-on-ones. And of course, if you don't get a rose on the one-on-one...you know the deal. Blah blah blah. Rich the Geek is first up with a one-on-one date. He says "his stomach dropped." Uh oh. Homie knows he's probably on his way out. He packs his bags and hopes for the best.

And what does he get? The most stereotypically romantic date ever. Dinner on top of a building and then a romantic ride in a carriage around town. Geek Boy has the most ridiculous sunburn ever. Looks like a lobster and it ain't pretty. He has a serious chat with Deanna about...

Okay...HIllary is not conceding? Huh? I'm confused. Sorry but I think it's time. She is now plugging her website. WTF?

Back to the Bachelorette...which we all know is just as important as the election. Anyway, Deanna does a lot of blinking and says to the camera "I need to see if I can think of Rich as more than a friend." Oh boy. My feeling is always...if you have to ask, you already know the answer. Right in the middle of the romantic carriage ride, it hits Deanna that he is not the one. So she orders the driver to pull to the side of the road and dump off Rich. Seriously. Seems like she could have sucked it up until the end of the ride but no, she leaves him curbside. Seriously. Oh, she's nice about it and all. But still. Poor kid has to get out right there.

The men are all shocked Rich is leaving. They get over it quickly to go on their western date. Everyone is going except Jason, who will get his own one-on-one. The guys get all suited up in Western duds and ABC treats us to the music of the Good, Bad and the Ugly. No cliches here, none at all. I have my own version of the Good, Bad and the Ugly. The Good...Jesse. The Bad...Twilley, ick. And the Ugly...sorry but...Paul.

We can tell Deanna really likes this date. She thinks of herself as a country girl, yee-haw! All of a sudden her slight Southern accent intensifies and she sounds like Hoss on Bonanza. She says "Don't y'all look niiiiiice." And then she says "we're fixin' to do some line dancing." I inwardly shudder and keep watching. I'm fixin' to vomit.

Line dancing. Who created this? Naturally, all the guys suck. Deanna of course, does not. Why? BECAUSE SHE'S KNOWN ABOUT THIS DATE AND HAS HAD WEEKS TO PRACTICE.

Then they all go ride a mechanical bull. Jesse the Snowboarder does it best, go figure. And then Deanna gets on and all the guys slobber, visions of Urban Cowboy dancing in their heads. Only she decides to play a little trick on them and pretend to fall. Whoever comes to her rescue first...wins! And the winner is...Jesse the Snowboarder. He seems like her complete opposite but they seem to get along well. Jesse says something about wanting to be in a relationship where he can fart in bed. Anyone else catch this?

Meanwhile, Ron and Jeremy trade snarky remarks by the campfire. Now, Ron is a most unpleasant sort. I know he's a hairdresser so you'd think he'd be a people person but he's just not. He does fancy himself a philsopher and gives lots of unsolicited advice. Confirming my opinion that most of time, everyone should just mind their own beeswax.

Deanna calls Ron out for giving Jeremy a hard time. Ron tells her the issue is just between the two of them. Then Deanna has alone time with Jeremy and acts like a giddy teenager. Graham and Fred do a sneak attack on them to break them up, much to her dismay.

Then Deanna has some alone time with Robert who says he felt big chemistry with her the first night and now that he's talking to her, he can't feel his fingers. Deanna likes this concept and gives him a rose for it.

Next day, a reach for the stars date with Jason. They are going to an an observatory to watch the stars and eat dinner. In the middle of it all, he tells her about his kid. Deanna momentarily looks as though she's smelled something bad but then she seems fine with it and they make out.

All rightie. Next day, Deanna has a surprise for the guys. She's taking them to meet her good friend Ellen Degeneres. Oh yes. I'm sure these two are just besties, going out and shopping for v-neck green sweaters together (have you noticed how often D wears them?) Ellen makes the guys dance and take off their pants. She pretends to be excited by this. She then consults with Deanna, telling her what she thinks of the guys. She says she thinks Graham is scared and Jesse is funny and Fred is cool. She gets to give out one of the roses and presents it to Fred. Okay Fred. So if you ever want to date Ellen, you're in luck.

Cocktail party time. Ron tries to save himself. He does so by telling Deanna that at first he didn't think she was his type but then he came down with a case of the Deannas. Good luck friend. Here's how the rose ceremony played out...keep in mind that Jason, Robert and Fred are safe:

Rose #1
Twilley....HUH? C'mon ABC...stop making her keep this clown around.

Rose #2

Rose #3

Rose #4

Rose #5

Rose #6

Who's out? Ron. And Paul. Paul is polite. Ron tries to make an inspirational speech. Saying something about how "she didn't reject me...she just chose others." Uh...okay. And that is distinctly different because.....

Anyway, the dude was just unpleasant, plain and simple. LIke serial killer unpleasant. Glad to see him go.

Next week, we see Deanna throw a hissy fit. Can't wait.

Gotta go. Obama is speaking now....will he give her the vice presidency? Hmmmm...



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