You see? I do work in advertising. When I'm not blogging about The Bachelor, that is.
In case you are wondering, blogging can be very profitable. If you let google place an ad on your site, you get money. Why, just this week...I will be getting a big fat check for six dollars. So I can buy a sandwich. Oh wait. Not in this town. I can buy a cup of soup. And a beverage. So exciting.
Anyway....getting back to where left I off...the drama between Jake and Michelle.
JAKE: I think it would be better if you left now.
MICHELLE: I can't believe you're doing this.
THE PRODUCER IS ALREADY DOWNSTAIRS HAILING A CAB. APPARENTLY, THEY ARE GREEN IN LA.
JAKE WALKS HER OUT. MICHELLE BEGINS TALKING BACK TO THE LITTLE VOICE IN HER HEAD.
MICHELLE: He kicked me to the curb. He gave me a peck instead of kiss. What is that about?
JAKE QUICKLY PUSHES HER INTO THE CAB AND SHUTS THE DOOR.
MICHELLE: Jake is not for me.
JAKE BEGINS TO RUN AWAY. SPRINTING, REALLY.
JAKE (TO CAMERA): That was the right decision.
THE PRODUCERS: Yeah, she scared us too.
Jake returns to the ladies and says "no rose tonight. I need some time. See you real soon." He walks off with his hands in his pockets. And that, my friends, is why I am going on record that I believe Jake will choose no one this season. I have no inside info. Just a hunch.
Okay. Next day, next date. This time with Ella, the single mom who sounds like Peggy Hill. Jake picks her up in a helicopter. They're going to Sea World. And Jake has a surprise. He's invited her son along for the ride. Ella says "Ma little man, oh ma G-d." But....she doesn't look totally completely thrilled to see him. Because now she will totally not be getting any lip action.
But. Then she sees Jakey hanging out with her son. Putting on his jacket for the penguin experience. Giving Ethan a toy plane. In her mind, she pictures buying him a "world's number 1 Dad" mug for Father's Day next year.
Ella says "he's the angel I never expected. I love having a family life, watching soccer games." Hmmm. I'm sure Jake will too. Someday. With his own kid. Not someone else's. Still, he gives her a rose, saying "you're a great mother." Why does that not sound like a marriage proposal to me?
All right. Cocktail party time. Everyone hates Vienna. Especially Ali, who has turned out to be kind of Mean Girl a la the Plastics. Or Heathers. You practically expect her to pop out with "dude, what's your damage?" Meanwhile, Elizabeth-No-Kiss has some alone time with Jake. He tells her she sends mixed signals and she is playing games. Elizabeth opens her wide blue eyes and says "no!" Jake says "some couples elect not to kiss for spiritual reasons." Really? Is kissing not spiritual? I guess I'm not spiritual because I am pro-kissing. And then Jake says "but that's not you. You're a tease, I think."
And then Vienna interrupts. Elizabeth breaks into tears and says "I can get a date any day of the week. I'm very selective." Finally, she gets to have a few more minutes with Jake who tells her "you dangled a kiss like a carrot." Yeah. This girl's getting a rose.
Okay. Rose ceremony time:
Rose #1 Gia
Rose #2 Corrie...I think she'd actually be a good match for him
Rose #3 Tenley
Rose #4 Ali
Rose #5 Jessie
Rose #6 Kathryn
Rose #7 Asleigh
Who's going home? Brunettes! No-kiss Elizabeth is out. Guess withholding your lips is not the way to a man's heart. And Valishia is out too. What? You've never heard of her? Then you certainly will be as surprised as I was when Jake says to her "hug your kids for me." Huh? How many does she have? Who the heck is watching them? Who has childcare for like six weeks solid?
Anyway, next week Gia and Jake get close and the ladies all have to take a bus somewhere, much to the dismay of Vienna. Sounds fascinating.