Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Bachelor Round-Up "Smells a little like chicken..."

So I was all happy that Obama pushed The Bachelor back an hour. I mean….that means that I actually had a shot at watching the whole thing. Of course, I did not bank on being so bored that I fell asleep after the Dallas date. Lame, lame, lame…that’s me.

So the first hometown date is with Jillian in Canada...some place up in British Columbia called Kelowa. I did a google search bc I was curious and apparently it is “the gateway to the stunning Okanangan Valley.” Now as someone who has actually spent a significant amount of time in Vancouver, I can honestly say that I have heard of the Okanagan Valley...it is synonymous with wine. So I assume that there is going to be some wine drinking here bc The Bachelor Show is always looking for an excuse to get people liquored up so they do dumb things on television.

The date starts with Jillian and Jay-Jay running towards each other. Which is good that she reciprocated the jog because it always seemed like Jay Jay used to run toward Deeanna and she wouldn’t run back, which always gave him the appearance of an over-eager pup. Jillian tells him she spent every summer at this particular lake and oh, by the way, there is a Loch Ness type creature named Ogopogo who lives in it and oh yeah, she stepped on it once. Oh, they are wacky way up north. I love Canadia.

Next they head to the Mission Hill winery, which I usually bring home with me when I come back from Vancouver. Though don’t get the ice wine because although it always seems like a good idea when you’re in Canada, no one really wants to drink wine that tastes like grenadine. This is where Jillian spills the beans that although she seems very happy-go-lucky, her mom actually battled depression for 15 years and was in and out of hospitals. But “she got better.” Huh. I didn’t know you could cure this kind of thing…thought it was an demon you just had to continue to battle but hey, if you say so. More wine!

And then it’s off to meet Jilly’s family. They welcome her home with signs and an enormous Maple Leaf flag. Jillian’s dad wraps him up in the Maple Leaf flag and douses him with maple syrup to welcome him to the family. Then they all burst into a rousing chorus of “O Canada.” Hi, ABC? That horse? Quit kicking it, it’s dead.

Of course, we have to hear how Jillian won over Jay-jay with her hot dog theory. Man, she is getting a lot of mileage out of this. Then Mom reads a poem to Jillian that rhymes “grain” and “again” which is very cute. Mom pulls Jay-jay aside and grills him a it, telling him that his BA in psychology will come in handy in the family. They both agree that Jillian has lots of soul, character, depth and layers. It must be all that hot dog talk that makes them all think she is so deep.

And then Jason gets to meet Granny. Granny says “Jason is a very, very beautiful guy….I’m happy for her. I told her I’d take her up to Northern Alberta and marry her off to a Ukranian.” I couldn’t tell if this was a good thing or a threat but anyway, Granny is very, very amusing, ha, ha! Actually, the whole family is pretty charming…really. And it’s not just the Canadian accents, either. I dig 'em, maple leaves and all.

Next day, next date. Jay-jay is meeting Molly on a golf course in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Molly is all prepped up at The Country Club, driving around in a golf course. She says the words Country Club like 50 times, clearly impressed with herself. She seems to think Jay-jay will be impressed too but he looks at her like, what are you wearing. Molly slaps him on the back and says “don’t worry, I brought you some clothes.” And bam, Jay-jay is dressed like a dork too. They both seem to be terrible at golf, despite Molly claiming to have gone golfing every Sunday with her family.

It’s just a laugh riot over at Molly’s house. In case you doubt it, Molly’s mom gets out the funny hats. Ha, ha! They are soooo crazy. And then Mom makes Jay-jay draw a picture of Molly for some reason. And it’s a bad drawing! Ha, ha! Hilarity ensues. In the meantime, Dad tells Molly “whatever you do…you’re a winner. If he doesn’t pick you, don’t cry if he puts you in the limo…just smile.” No wonder Girlfriend sort of reminds me of a Stepford wife…just smile and look pretty….

Next up, a date with Naomi in California. Her parents are divorced and mom’s kind of a hippie. Dad’s kind of a Jesus freak. And for some reason, there is a dead bird hanging around. And they want Jason to say a prayer over it as they bury it. Jason is looking around like….this is a joke, right? For Chris Harrison’s blooper reel? No, it’s for reals, Jay-jay. And then Dad takes Jason out for a little chat about Jesus. Jason the Nice Jewish Boy smiles and nods politely, checking the room for possible exits.

And Naomi’s mom has premonitions. But you already knew I was going to say this. She also says Jason is “an indigo kid” and that they are “in the same soul family” and that Jason in his past life was a mother. And Jason says, “check, please!”

Okay. Onto Dallas. Melissa appears wearing really small white shorts and I assume she has just gotten back from cheerleading practice. She tells Jay-jay he will be meeting her friends but not her family because they are not comfortable with public-ness of the this. You can see Jay-Jay is bummed but what can you do? Her friends all seem cool but oddly enough, have never met her parents either. Quite mysterious. Maybe she was raised by wolves?

And then, I am sad to say, I fell asleep. Marylou and Stacy let me know Naomi got the boot last night, which isn’t surprising and that next week, they are all headed to the overnight dates in New Zealand. Seems like a pretty far place to fly if you’re never going to leave the hotel room but hey, whatever. I’m not the producer. And hopefully our Publicity Whore Friend Deanna will be showing up soon to rustle up some trouble.

That’s all I got, kids. Still, it’s more than last week. Happy Tuesday.

Take care,

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