Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Bachelor really only needs to be 45 minutes anyway...

and that's all I saw last night so that's all I will blog about. I tried to go onto ABC and Hulu and they both said I had to download stuff to watch it. I tried. Didn't work. And since the husband isn't here to make it work, I'm done trying. Anyway, I don't think I missed much....Stacy and Marylou were kind enough to fill me in on what I missed so yes, this will be a half-assed update this week. Sorry.

Jay-jay took 5 ladies home to Seattle. Don't know why I thought this meant they would meet Ty but they didn't...only Melissa got a little glimpse of him. Like he was some rare bird species or something.

I'm sorry if I'm distracted but it's 10:24 pm right now and my friend is still up and saying the word "mommy" every 10 seconds and I'm trying to ignore it. It's hard. Hmmm....not sure these 24-year-old bachelorette girls really know what they're signing on for....kids seem charming during the day but not necessarily at bedtime. And by the way...I find my own child much less annoying, cleaner and more charming than other people's children, who as a rule, usually have runny noses and bad manners. Something for them to think about...

Now the word "mommy" has expanded to "mommy come here." Patience....

So the part I saw yesterday was when Jason was on a date with STephanie, Jillian and Molly and they go to a radio station for an interview. Because of course, that's what everyone does on a date. The djs ask Jason which of the ladies is the best kisser. Now. When you're currently dating five women,the proper answer to this is..."all of them." Not our Jay-Jay though. He actually picks one! Silly rabbit. In case you're wondering, the lucky winner is Molly...the one he smooched all night in the tent.

And then the Dj's blindfold Jay-jay with a feather boa and make him smooch Stephanie, Jillian and Molly to try to tell them apart. Luckily, each woman has her "signature move"...Stephanie kisses his hands, Jillian sticks her tongue in her mouth and Molly grabs his face. Would you believe he got it right?

Other random notable details of the night....(I caught my 45 minutes in drips and drabs)..Stephanie Botox Mom wears glitter eyeshadow. Really, a bold choice unless you're a stripper, dressed up for Halloween, or about to perform a rock ballad. And you already know my views on the eyebrow issues happening this year. Also...while I appreciate that all the girls do not want to kill each other on this season of the Bachelor, I do question all the cuddling happening....I love my friends dearly but I have never snuggled them in this way. And what's with the acting out of the scene from Lady and the Tramp with two girls eating spaghetti and winding up lip to lip? I think maybe everyone in the house is just drunk all the time. Because I've heard they have no tv, radio, Internet, newspapers so all they're left to do is talk about Jay-jay.

Also...did you get the feeling they were trying to get all Sleepless in Seattle on us last night? What with the houseboat overlooking the harbour and everything. Also...why does Naomi always have her hair in her eyes? Why did all the girls sob hysterically when Jason sent Stephanie packing? And more importantly, what was up with the white fur Steph was wearing and did P.Diddy recognize his was missing? Do you get the feeling that at some point in the show Melissa is going to burst into a cheer? And is it wrong of me to be prejudiced against a person because they choose to shake their poms-poms for a living? What will I do if A wants to do that? After all, there was a brief (very brief) point in my life when I considered becoming a Solid Gold dancer. For reals.

So. Long and short of last night? Stephanie the Botox Mom got the boot. In the end, Jay-jay just couldn't muster up the courage to kiss her very lipglossed lips. Moral of the story...you can like someone all you want, think they are lovely people, etc. But it don't mean a thing is you ain't got that schwing....

That's all she wrote, folks. Sorry for the half-assed update, but that's all I got.

That...and apparently, a sleeping child. Whew.

Good night.

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