It's official....the Bachelor show is now 0-12....

sort of like my high school football team.

Shayne and Matt have broken up. For more scoop, go here:

http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/report-shayne-lamas-breaks-up-with-the-bachelor-star-matt-grant-7486.php

So not surprising. But still.

N

The anti-cheerleader

That's me.

Not that there's anything wrong with being a cheerleader. I just happen to think it's dumb. George W. was a cheerleader, in case you need further proof.

So now that my high school reunion is this weekend, I am so glad I'm not going. There, I said it.

Everyone on Facebook is so excited. The more they talk about it, the more I get that sinking feeling in my chest that I used to get when I was forced to go to pep rallies in high school. Despite the fact that I wasn't feeling peppy and I resented people telling me I was supposed to. Besides, our football team was 0-10 for three years running. Cheering wasn't really going to help them.

So while I will enjoy hearing all the gossip from the reunion...who got fat, who got skinny, who got rich, etc.....I'm thrilled that this is one pep rally I don't have to participate in. Ha.

Okay, it's official. I'm going to stop watching television until spring.

So instead of doing my work, I was researching The Bachelor. And whether or not Jason will be the next one. And yes of course I have a million other things to do...especially since we're going on vacation this Friday.

And what do I discover....no Bachelor show on the fall schedule???!! Because they are "taking their time to find the perfect bachelor."

Hello? Jason? Hello? Jeremy? They have plenty of rejects to choose from. There's even some rumor that it might be Paula Abdul's ex-boyfriend. Ha. What a crock. You know that dude's just out to be famous. Because that is the only reason I can think of to ever date Paula Abdul.

I guess I will have to find a new hobby now. Sigh.

Yay....the RV ad is gone!

Crap, will I bring it back by writing about it??? Okay, let me try this and see what happens:

books
books
books
books
puppies

Let's see what ad pops up now. Ha.

Frosting cupcakes is very theraputic

I just did it last night. I think that's why I bake; so I can frost. I find it very satisfying, making the frosting look pretty. And best of all, it requires no thinking.

Why did I not consider this when I was considering career options? A job where your body moves one way and your mind another? Why did I think I'd be so much more satisfied using my brain?

That's not to say that I'm not thinking while frosting. I am, just about something I want to think about instead of what I get paid to think about.

You think there is a degree for frosting? Would that be a bachelor of science or bachelor of arts? Art because you are making cupcakes look beautiful? Or is it a science for making them taste delicious?

In case you're wondering, no...I do not have time to ponder these things. This is what they call procrastinating.

And while we're at it, note the little advertisement on the side of my blog. Apparently, it changes according to what I write about; it actually scans my words and puts up ads that relate to my blogs. So I do wonder what I wrote about to deserve an ad about an RV park. Because I don't support camping. Ever. And I certainly don't think I'm an RV girl...since that seems to be a culture that I don't fit into. I say this because we once went whitewater rafting and stayed in a cabin in an RV park....and all the people watching NASCAR blew out our electricity. Nuff said.

Okay. Back to work. I imagine the little advertisement on the side of my blog will now about baking supplies. I can live with that.

Not that I believe everything I read in the NY Post...

but this isn't sooo unbelievable. There's a story that Shayne Lamas, Bachelor Matt's pick, is hooking up with some media rich dude. And she hasn't dumped him yet. I'm just sayin'. You might want to know.

You also might want to know that they are demolishing our offices while we are still in them. So if I start hacking up asbestos, I wouldn't be so surprised. Good stuff.

Later.

N

It's the end of the world...

there's an entire reality show dedicated to trying out for the show Legally Blonde? Seriously? Someone gets paid for thinking these things up?

And worse....I am watching it. Someone needs to come over and put me out of my misery.

This makes The Bachelorette look like Masterpiece Theatre.

My BFF Jane

Everything is better with a little Jane Austen.

Even subway rides. Which is perhaps why I try to read one Jane Austen ride every summer. It makes New York a little prettier, the subway rides a little less humid, sticky and otherwise miserable.

This summer’s selection is Emma. I find myself sitting up straighter as I read it, hoping to become a woman of fine carriage. Who I am trying to impress, I have idea, since there certainly are no worthy gentleman to be found on the F train. Particularly the sweaty little man who tried to ram into me yesterday to beat me into the train.

“What a truly hateful little man!” I exclaimed. I really did. If I had gloves, I probably would have used them to slap him across the face. But I had only a computer bag and an impossibly large purse. So instead I walked haughtily into the train, giving Hateful Little Man withering stares, the likes of which I’m sure he never saw before. I’m sure he is still writhing about in pain on the train platform.

Who couldn’t use a little Jane? What relationship couldn’t use a man telling his beloved “you have bewitched me body and soul?” Whose life would not be better with starting every morning with a long invigorating walk though the woods? And who can forget the world’s best insult of all time (perfectly delivered by Dame Judy Dench in the film version of Pride & Prejudice) “Madam, you have a very small garden.”

Perhaps instead of those poems the MTA posts in the subways, they would do better to post a snippet or two of Jane. People might actually read them. And learn a little something about well, being nicer to each other. Or at the very least, polite with their insults.

My complexion is pinkening at the very thought of it.

Bachelorette Finale Round-Up "It's like sharing a cupcake..."

Okay guys. I'll try to do the whole thing in one sitting but we shall see. It was a whole lotta Bachelorette show last night...though I must say, I will miss it come next Monday night...

The show began with the guys coming home to meet Deanna's big fat Greek family. Only they seemed more Southern than Greek to me. The brother's drawl was thick as syrup. The family assures Dee that they are not going to be all nice/warm like they were with Brad, they will grill these guys. Dee tells them the guys are very different. Jason is divorced with a child. Jesse is a snowboarder with the most shockingly long hair. I'm sure they are picturing Axl Rose.

First up is Jason. They don't really grill him, in my book. The dad does say he doesn't know if Dee is ready to be a mother. Sister asks if Jason is in love and he says yes. Brother asks Dee what the "wow factor" is with Jason. Best she can come up with is "he's a great father." Sorry, while that is a very nice quality, it does not exactly qualify as a wow factor. Jason tells Sister he has never felt like this about anyone, even his ex-wife. Nice...not exactly an admirable quality to insult the mother of your child. Though this mother seems, oddly enough, fairly absent.

Jason then asks Dee's father for her hand in marriage. This seems to delight Dear Old Dad. He says "no one's ever asked me that before." Dad says "Jason would be a great pick for my daughter. He's a gem, got a lot of class and he's a great catch." Maybe Dad should date him.

Next up, Jesse meets the fam. He even cut his hair for the occasion. Only Jesse is freaking out. He can't handle the questions particularly about his future as a professional snowboarder.

Dad: When you're as old as me, how are you going to be a competitive snowboarder?

Jesse: Uh...

Dad: Why did you get into snowboarding?

Jesse: It was fun?

Dad: Once the butterflies stop, are you ready for the lifetime committment? I'd expect frequent visits to Atlanta...I have a nephew who's 6'5 who will come and hunt you down.

With a shotgun! And his posse! And the Sheriff with those cool mirrored glasses! Yee-haw!

Sorry. People from Florida can't resist making fun of people from Georgia.

Anyway, Sis feels strongly that Jason is more right for Dee than Jesse. Dee says "with Jason I feel I can depend on him but..." Dad says "Jason asked for permission to marry you and Jesse didn't. Jason knows what he wants and asks for it." This gives Dee pause for thought because she's already picked out her free ABS wedding gown and really wants to wear it, quite possibly with the white jeans she wears every ten minutes. Hmmm. Tough decision.

Next date, there's another hometown date where the guys get to meet the rest of her big fat Greek family. This line-up now includes yaya and papa, some random aunt/uncle and sister-in-law Crystal. Yaya informs Dee that she will do the choosing.

So what's the big surprise here? The guys are going to be on this date with Deeanna together! What fun! ABC even has us watching Deeanna hold hands with both of them at the same time. Which is really so ridiculous and just well, stupid. Unless you are watching HBO's Real Sex and then it makes a ton of sense. But you aren't. This is the network owned by the Mouse People, the folks over at Disney. So instead, it's just silly.

Highlights of this date include Jesse teaching the grandparents the fist bump. Dad giving Jesse his permission to propose but insisting he keep his hair short. And grandma stating that she prefers Jason.

And then the guys leave and Deeanna has a conversation with her sister and Crystal. Crystal says "Jesse is grounded and just a cool guy. He is rocking it out and being himself." Sister says "you're not as comfortable with Jesse." Crystal says "you're not where Jason is, you're a free spirit." Sister says "oh yeah, well you have a really bad perm, Crystal and what the heck kind of name is Crystal anyway?"

Anyway. You get the idea.

Now Dee is back in the Bahamas, sharing another date with the guys before she makes her big decision. But before she goes on the date, poor mopey Jeremy wants to talk to her. Let's just call him Eeyore from now on. He knocks on her hotel door and tells her she is making a big mistake and that he was a statue until he met her. Not that he's oh-so-lively now. Deanna cries her pretty little soap opera tears and says "it's just not in my heart. I don't want to promise you something I can't give you." Etc, etc. Eeyore walks away and does a lot of dramatic crouching and crying. Seriously felt like I was watching a telenovela. I think ABC is setting this guy up to be the next bachelor. Hmmmm.

Next up, a date with Jesse. Lots of kissing and shots of Dee in a bikini. Yawn. Even worse, he gives Dee "a book of thoughts." Oh dear. Please call it something else. It's a little photo album with all kind of choice subtitles such as "Your my soulmate" (thanks for pointing out the spelling, Amanda Z!). I won't bore you with the rest. The most interesting thing about the date was the bad carpeting in the hallway of the hotel.

Next day, next date with Jason who comes running up to her like a pathetic puppy dog. Even worse, she is wearing a Kevin Federline-inspired Fedora. Shame on you, ABC Stylist. Dee tells Jason they are going to go diving with sharks. Jason says "sharks and people aren't supposed to hang out together.' But he keeps it together and acts brave while Dee freaks out. Night falls and Jason busts out a board game he made called "eight roses" which cleverly forces them to re-enact their relationship. First kiss, etc. I was totally buying into this hook, line and sinker.

Next day, the boys are going to pick out their free engagement rings. Jason seems confident. Jesse, not so much. He appears to be puking in the bushes. Then we see them all getting ready for the big finale. Dee is wearing a very Grecian-inspired blue dress. ABC treats us to their usual cheesy music. And then she makes her way up to the Bombay Company proposal table and waits. Cue the wind!

Now, you know the first person out of the limo is the one getting dumped. And it is...Jason???!! HUh! No, no, no, no. I even say out loud "haha. ABC is trying to trick us like they did during the Jesse Palmer season. The one time they had the winner go first." I am pleased with myself and wait.

But I am wrong. Just as Jason crouches down on one knee, Deanna stops him. She says she loves someone else more than him. Even though he wore an orange tie "for his Georgia peach."

Damn. ABC got tricky this time. They even leaked stuff onto blogs about Jason being the final one. I was a believer. I truly was. Before you know it, she shoves Jason in the limo and he's driving around shell-shocked with that pathetic sad music playing. Jason says "the only thing I have for sure is my little boy." Who you pimped out on tv, Daddy-O! Talk about a bad idea.

Okay. The big proposal. Dee says "I can see a life full of excitement with Jesse." He comes up to her and he is like beyond short. He says "when I look at you, I see forever. I want to spend forever with you." And then he gets down on one knee. At least he had the decency to pick out a good ring.

And then it's time for yet another hour of BAchelorette...AFter the Final Rose! Poor Jason sits on the stage fairly shocked and humiliated. He's especially angry that she let him get down on one knee. Of course, I'm just staring at the tv wondering if he's had a nose job. Still up in the air about it, what do you guys think?

Then they bring out Deanna who seems geniunely upset about dumping Jason. Until Jason says "I would have given anything for you to look at me like you looked at Jesse and Graham." This gets her all hot and bothered and defensive. Chris Harrison asks Jason if he's open to love again. Jason says "I proposed twice. Third time should be the charm." Awww. Poor thing. Get this guy on the show and get him some chicks, already.

And then they bring out Matt the Bachelor and Shayne Lamas and holy cow, Shayne is scary. Big hair, fake tan, fake lashes, etc. There's something about her that makes her look much older than she is. At this point, it appears that I stopped taking notes. I think because I went to get some sorbet. Anyway, when Chris asks them about plans for the future, Shayne says "I think we'll be traveling." To which Matt says "oh really?" You get the feeling these two hardly see each other, just coming out occasionally to revive each other's "careers." Shayne also says "Matt doesn't fit in my bed." Probably because it's so full of small white dogs wearing pink.

Finally, they bring out Deanna and Jesse. Deanna is beyond all over him. Jesse has that look of a deer in the headlights. They announce their wedding date is next May. Dee isn't going to let this poor sucker get away. You start to wonder who the real winner of this show is....

And there you have it, folks. Another lovely season. Kristin Bradley-Green won our online game, with Tammy in second and Stacy Kay in third.

Cheers all. Feel free to come visit the blog anytime...I'm sure I"ll find lots of other things to mock.

Take care,
Nan

"It's like sharing the same cupcake--uh, uh....I want the whole thing."

Jesse got the whole cupcake. Now he has to figure out what to do with it.

Was I the only one sitting there with my mouth open last night when Deeanna chose Jesse as her one and only? Dude. Can you believe it? Good luck with that.

More to come later.

N

Tonight's the big night...

2 hour season finale plus an hour's worth of After the Final Rose! That's almost too much of a good thing. Sort of like eating too much ice cream.

Oh well. Enjoy...may the best man win. Or...not.

Bachelorette Round-Up "Jeremy's a brat..."

I wish I had something funnier to post but I don't. Somehow the show seemed better on Monday.

Sorry this is late but it could not be helped. It will be the condensed version for sure. The show begins with Deanna pouting about having to let the booty call she was most looking forward to, Graham. But he was a "brat" so now everything was all up in the air. Meaning she will just have to make do and sleep with three other guys.

The first date is with Jeremy. She says "he's perfect" which she has said like a million other times which leads me to think it's more of an accusation at this point. She says he is "very serious and wants to see if he can have fun." Well. He can't. Not super lively but he is nice to look at. Deaanna gets pouty because Jeremy is holding back. In fact, he tells the camera he is not holding back but needs to have a talk with her.

In the meantime, they keep saying "don't you love the Bahamas? It's better in the Bahamas. Hey, can you believe we're in the Bahamas?" Yes, the tourism board surely got their money's worth.

Finally, at dinner Jeremy starts giggling and sweating and tells Deanna "I want to say I'm falling in love with you but...it's already happened." Deanna takes this opportunity to bust out the fantasy suite card. They run to the fantasy suite and get cozy on the bed. Well ABC. It's 8:09 and already one couple is getting busy in the boom-boom suite. In case you have any doubt what's happening, Jeremy gets up and pulls the shades. All righty then.

Next day, next booty call. Jason comes charging at Deanna like an overly-caffinated puppy. I've decided except for his exceptionally close-set eyes, he's cute. He's determined to show his fun side. The go to a floating dock for a picnic and talk about how they are willing to eat anything and aren't they soo adventurous? Then they go kayaking with Deanna bossing Jason around. Get used to it buddy, if you really are in for a lifetime of this.

Nighttime rolls around and Deanna puts on a dress that looks like a lovely green towel. Jason tells Deanna that she and Ty are his two favorite subjects. This prompts her to present him with the fantasy suite card. Jason doesn't even let her read it, tossing it to the side and doing his puppy run to the suite. He then presents her with a sand dollar necklace to remind them OF THEIR TIME TOGETHER IN THE BAHAMAS. Did you know they were in the Bahamas? He thanks her for teaching him he could fall in love again. And then...boom-chicka-wow-wow....

Next day, next dude. It's Jesse time. Do you ever feel like Jesse's still in high school? He's like "you look so hot, dude." And "this is rad." I suppose some people might find it endearing but I do not. They go horseback riding into the ocean, which is something I have not seen before. Then at dinner, Jesse asks her a lot of questions. He even tells her he wants to have kids before he is 30 which I do not believe at all. He wants this "so he can throw a football with his kid" which as we all know a 40-year-old dad can simply not do. She asks him about his plans after snowboarding. He says he'd like to be a sports agent "because that would be fun." And not in the least bit competitive and just perfect for a really laid-back, chilled-out dude. Hey Jesse. Ever see "Jerry Maguire?"

Anyway, Deanna busts out the fantasy suite card. What the hell. May as well go three for three. Jesse acts like he is not going to accept it then PSYCH! He does. Ha ha. He's such a kidder, that Jesse.

And then before you know it, it's rose ceremony time. Jeremy gets the boot, is the long and short of it. And that's it for now because I need to change locations. More to come!

nan

So the Bachelorette was great last night...

and I'm still at work with no signs of leaving. It's 7:21pm. So...I won't be writing about it tonight.

Hopefully, everyone will still be interested tomorrow.

Have a good night,
N