Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Lactose Intolerance and other things to keep to yourself

Lately I find that people are telling me things I don't really want/need to know. Like yesterday. The moderator of the focus groups when into great detail regarding her lactose intolerance. (Of course,despite knowing this about herself, she downed large quantities of cheese before having to moderate a bunch of 10-year-old boys.)

Which leads me to my next much info is too much? Telling your mom/significant other things doesn't count. Because of course, they long to know the state of your bowels at all times.

Here is my list of things that you should keep to yourself. Feel free to add to it. I realize of course I am running the risk of you suggesting I keep this blog to myself. So if you do indeed feel this way...keep it to yourself.

1. The state of your unwanted body hair...comments such as "I so need a wax right should feel my underarm hair, really"

2. The current state of American Idol....yes, I know. I write about the Bachelor. But American Idol is so much lamer because it's so mainstream and dreadful. Plus it calls itself AI which is horrific.

3. Following in that category...people who speak in text message language such as LOL.

4. The running tally of foods that give you intestinal distress. "Grapes give me gas" or "mexican food repeats on me all day" or "one hot dog and I'm in the bathroom all day."

5. "We're trying to get pregnant" or "we're doing the baby dance" or "we're going on a baby making vacation." Don't care how good your friends one wants to picure you doing this.

6. The "It was expensive but it was worth it" people. Ha! These people just want to brag about how much money they spent. You did not ask yet they feel compelled to tell you. This usually follows with actual dollar amounts along with repeated assurances "it was worth it, though."

7. People who comment on the size of your child. This one hits close for me since A. was such a peanut in the beginning. Everyone felt compelled to tell me how teeny she was and how when THEIR child was her age, he was already so-and-so size. All children grow at different rates, Shut the heck up, people. Your kid looks FAT to me but I'm keeping my mouth shut, aren't I?

8. In somewhat the same category...women who get off on telling you their (or their friends') horrific birth story and everything that went wrong and how she was in labor for TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT AND THEN THEY GAVE HER A C-SECTION! These people are mean and secretly get a kick out of scaring first time moms. They should be made to sit in the corner.

9. If you get Botox....we all know it. Seriously. You can't move half your face.

10. Books that changed your life. I'm not talking about a particular novel that really moved you. I'm talking about Who Moved My Cheese? or The Celestine Prophecy or The Artist's Way. These are people who are really looking for a new cult to follow and since Tom Cruise isn't around to introduce them to Xenu....they have found salvation at Barnes & Noble. And more importantly, they want to convert you, too.

Feel free to add more. I'll write the Bachelor Round-Up tonight (hopefully...). Welcome to the bloggy blog, hope you enjoy.



Oren said...

11. Pet ailments or any pet story involving its bodily functions or excretions. This includes the administration of any medications or medical procedures.

Great blog so far!

Elizabeth Cobb Durel said...

12. Every details of the latest boring "fight" you and your significant other had recently. Really, it's boring and I don't care all that much. Plus, you're going to be really embarrassed that you shared that with me when you like him/her agin.

Elizabeth Cobb Durel said...

also, i LOVE the blog name. seriously. yay! i'm glad you have one, too!

Elizabeth Cobb Durel said...

13. Any comment or discussion that incorporates the word "moist." Not only do I hate that word with a violent passion, any conversation that utilizes it is either is either completely inappropriate or veering dangerously close to it.


(Okay, maybe using it when talking about cakes is okay. But that's it. And even then, I still hate it.)

Nanette said...

Elizabeth...I hate the word "moist" too!
And exclamation points!


Karen Shelley said...

Wedding plans. No one really cares what flowers you pick, how many wedding locations you've surveyed, or how much the cake costs.