You see? I do work in advertising. When I'm not blogging about The Bachelor, that is.
In case you are wondering, blogging can be very profitable. If you let google place an ad on your site, you get money. Why, just this week...I will be getting a big fat check for six dollars. So I can buy a sandwich. Oh wait. Not in this town. I can buy a cup of soup. And a beverage. So exciting.
Anyway....getting back to where left I off...the drama between Jake and Michelle.
JAKE: I think it would be better if you left now.
MICHELLE: I can't believe you're doing this.
THE PRODUCER IS ALREADY DOWNSTAIRS HAILING A CAB. APPARENTLY, THEY ARE GREEN IN LA.
JAKE WALKS HER OUT. MICHELLE BEGINS TALKING BACK TO THE LITTLE VOICE IN HER HEAD.
MICHELLE: He kicked me to the curb. He gave me a peck instead of kiss. What is that about?
JAKE QUICKLY PUSHES HER INTO THE CAB AND SHUTS THE DOOR.
MICHELLE: Jake is not for me.
JAKE BEGINS TO RUN AWAY. SPRINTING, REALLY.
JAKE (TO CAMERA): That was the right decision.
THE PRODUCERS: Yeah, she scared us too.
Jake returns to the ladies and says "no rose tonight. I need some time. See you real soon." He walks off with his hands in his pockets. And that, my friends, is why I am going on record that I believe Jake will choose no one this season. I have no inside info. Just a hunch.
Okay. Next day, next date. This time with Ella, the single mom who sounds like Peggy Hill. Jake picks her up in a helicopter. They're going to Sea World. And Jake has a surprise. He's invited her son along for the ride. Ella says "Ma little man, oh ma G-d." But....she doesn't look totally completely thrilled to see him. Because now she will totally not be getting any lip action.
But. Then she sees Jakey hanging out with her son. Putting on his jacket for the penguin experience. Giving Ethan a toy plane. In her mind, she pictures buying him a "world's number 1 Dad" mug for Father's Day next year.
Ella says "he's the angel I never expected. I love having a family life, watching soccer games." Hmmm. I'm sure Jake will too. Someday. With his own kid. Not someone else's. Still, he gives her a rose, saying "you're a great mother." Why does that not sound like a marriage proposal to me?
All right. Cocktail party time. Everyone hates Vienna. Especially Ali, who has turned out to be kind of Mean Girl a la the Plastics. Or Heathers. You practically expect her to pop out with "dude, what's your damage?" Meanwhile, Elizabeth-No-Kiss has some alone time with Jake. He tells her she sends mixed signals and she is playing games. Elizabeth opens her wide blue eyes and says "no!" Jake says "some couples elect not to kiss for spiritual reasons." Really? Is kissing not spiritual? I guess I'm not spiritual because I am pro-kissing. And then Jake says "but that's not you. You're a tease, I think."
And then Vienna interrupts. Elizabeth breaks into tears and says "I can get a date any day of the week. I'm very selective." Finally, she gets to have a few more minutes with Jake who tells her "you dangled a kiss like a carrot." Yeah. This girl's getting a rose.
Okay. Rose ceremony time:
Rose #1 Gia
Rose #2 Corrie...I think she'd actually be a good match for him
Rose #3 Tenley
Rose #4 Ali
Rose #5 Jessie
Rose #6 Kathryn
Rose #7 Asleigh
Who's going home? Brunettes! No-kiss Elizabeth is out. Guess withholding your lips is not the way to a man's heart. And Valishia is out too. What? You've never heard of her? Then you certainly will be as surprised as I was when Jake says to her "hug your kids for me." Huh? How many does she have? Who the heck is watching them? Who has childcare for like six weeks solid?
Anyway, next week Gia and Jake get close and the ladies all have to take a bus somewhere, much to the dismay of Vienna. Sounds fascinating.
Until then..
Nan
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
"I'm on Cloud Jake..."
So I can't even pretend that I watched the whole show this week. I couldn't. Our girl wasn't feeling so hot. She had a little episode this weekend that forced her to be on a nebulizer. No, that is not something from Star Trek but this weird contraption that gives them oxygen plus medicine and helps them breathe. It is worse than it sounds.
Anyway, I will fully admit that I let my daughter watch the first few minutes of The Bachelor as we nebulized on the couch. My husband was shouting from the kitchen "is this really a good idea?" Meanwhile, she cracked up laughing as Jake kissed someone. I couldn't tell you who except that she had dyed blonde hair. But that would be the whole cast, really.
A said "this is for grown-ups."
I said, "Well. Sort of."
And then the nebulizing was done and that was the end of A's exposure to The Bachelor. If she decides to dye her hair the color of a highlighter pen or start spray-tanning, I only have myself to blame.
I basically missed the first half hour of the show as we got her to bed. Yes, I could watch it on ABC.com but honestly, I don't have the time and the gist of it is this: Jake went on a one-on-one date with Vienna. She was very excited about it. They bungee-jumped together despite Jake's fear of heights. A pilot afraid of heights? Ok. Doesn't make sense to me, but fine. When I walked back in the room, Jake was talking about how nurturing Vienna was. Next shot...the requisite hot tub scene. More kissing. Vienna is wearing a ruffly bikini and I can't help but wondering how the blond extensions are going to do in the water. Seems okay. Lots of kisses. Lots of shots of Vienna's crossed eyes rolling back in her head as she tells us how she is falling in deep love with Jakey. He gives her a rose. Her extensions give him a high five. She says "the best day of my life will be when I marry him."
Back at the house, we discover there will be a group date happening. They are going to Jon Lovitz's comedy club. Of course, most of these girls are too young to even remember who he is, but whatever. The women will all get the opportunity to write and perform their own comedy on stage. First up, Ali. Her big joke? "Why was Tigger licking the toilet? He was looking for Pooh. "Ha ha! Laugh riot. Next up, Tenley. Girlfriend knows she is not funny so instead she contorts her body so that her legs are behind her head, much to the delight of every male in the audience. Miss-I-Don't-Kiss Elizabeth goes up on stage and starts talking about some guy in Utah with a big schlong. Kathryn seizes the opportunity to drag Jake up on stage and kiss him.
Michelle AKA Bunny Boiler...who looks to be planning a Columbine style attack on the club....begins to critique the kiss. She says "when I have my kiss with Jake, it's going to be tongue in your mouth, pulling hair, ripping clothes off." Not that I think there's anything wrong with living in a fantasy world but..sometimes, real life has to enter into it.
And then Michelle gets on stage. You know the term "uncomfortable silence?" Seems to have been created for her.
MICHELLE: So I notice there are no coconuts on these palm trees. I wonder where they are?
She then pokes herself in the chest with a microphone.
AUDIENCE: UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE
MICHELLSE: I'm waiting for a hole to get some one-on-one.
AUDIENCE: UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE.
ALI: Something's a little bit off about Michelle.
Y'think? Even Jon Lovitz looked uncomfortable.
And then it's Ashleigh's turn. She's been freaking out that she has to do this, sucking down the drinks. She tells a few blonde jokes and then scampers off. And then it is Corrie's turn. She does some fantastic impersonations of the ladies in the house. But the best one she does is of Vienna.
CORRIE: I long my long blonde fake hair. I love walking around topless. I love to talk crap about every other girl in the house.
All the girls are laughing hysterically. Who isn't? Jake. He looked concerned. Could he have misjudged her? Uh. Yeah.
It's evening time. Time for cocktails! Tenley the Disney Princess pulls Jake aside and tells him about her past. She tells him her husband had an affair and left her for another woman. The bluebirds put a Kleenex in front of her face and say, "blow."
Jake gives her a hug and they kiss. Someday my prince will come....someday....we'll meet again....
Then all the other girls decide to spend their alone time with Jake talking about Vienna. Really, ladies...accentuate the positive. Guys hate hearing this kind of crap. In the meantime, Michelle is plotting her next move. Elizabeth says "Michelle needs a therapist, not a husband." True. Nevertheless, Michelle get her alone time with Jake.
MICHELLE: I really really really really want a husband.
JAKE: I believe you.
MICHELLE: I think we should kiss.
JAKE LEANS AWAY, LOOKING AROUND FOR A PRODUCER.
MICHELLE: Let's kiss.
JAKE SHUTS HIS EYES AND TRIES TO THINK OF THE OCEAN.
Michelle plants one on him. Jake keeps his mouth tightly shut and looks like he is in pain.
MICHELLE: You've gotta give me something more than that.
JAKE: I just want this night to be over.
THE PRODUCER RADIOS IN SECURITY.
MICHELLE: You know, I can't stay. I want to but not being able to really kiss you hurts. If you want me to stay, I'll stay.
JAKE: I think it would be better if you left now.
Dun dun dun! Sorry to break off at such a crucial moment. But it's getting late and I've got a somewhat sick one at home. More to come later....
Anyway, I will fully admit that I let my daughter watch the first few minutes of The Bachelor as we nebulized on the couch. My husband was shouting from the kitchen "is this really a good idea?" Meanwhile, she cracked up laughing as Jake kissed someone. I couldn't tell you who except that she had dyed blonde hair. But that would be the whole cast, really.
A said "this is for grown-ups."
I said, "Well. Sort of."
And then the nebulizing was done and that was the end of A's exposure to The Bachelor. If she decides to dye her hair the color of a highlighter pen or start spray-tanning, I only have myself to blame.
I basically missed the first half hour of the show as we got her to bed. Yes, I could watch it on ABC.com but honestly, I don't have the time and the gist of it is this: Jake went on a one-on-one date with Vienna. She was very excited about it. They bungee-jumped together despite Jake's fear of heights. A pilot afraid of heights? Ok. Doesn't make sense to me, but fine. When I walked back in the room, Jake was talking about how nurturing Vienna was. Next shot...the requisite hot tub scene. More kissing. Vienna is wearing a ruffly bikini and I can't help but wondering how the blond extensions are going to do in the water. Seems okay. Lots of kisses. Lots of shots of Vienna's crossed eyes rolling back in her head as she tells us how she is falling in deep love with Jakey. He gives her a rose. Her extensions give him a high five. She says "the best day of my life will be when I marry him."
Back at the house, we discover there will be a group date happening. They are going to Jon Lovitz's comedy club. Of course, most of these girls are too young to even remember who he is, but whatever. The women will all get the opportunity to write and perform their own comedy on stage. First up, Ali. Her big joke? "Why was Tigger licking the toilet? He was looking for Pooh. "Ha ha! Laugh riot. Next up, Tenley. Girlfriend knows she is not funny so instead she contorts her body so that her legs are behind her head, much to the delight of every male in the audience. Miss-I-Don't-Kiss Elizabeth goes up on stage and starts talking about some guy in Utah with a big schlong. Kathryn seizes the opportunity to drag Jake up on stage and kiss him.
Michelle AKA Bunny Boiler...who looks to be planning a Columbine style attack on the club....begins to critique the kiss. She says "when I have my kiss with Jake, it's going to be tongue in your mouth, pulling hair, ripping clothes off." Not that I think there's anything wrong with living in a fantasy world but..sometimes, real life has to enter into it.
And then Michelle gets on stage. You know the term "uncomfortable silence?" Seems to have been created for her.
MICHELLE: So I notice there are no coconuts on these palm trees. I wonder where they are?
She then pokes herself in the chest with a microphone.
AUDIENCE: UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE
MICHELLSE: I'm waiting for a hole to get some one-on-one.
AUDIENCE: UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE.
ALI: Something's a little bit off about Michelle.
Y'think? Even Jon Lovitz looked uncomfortable.
And then it's Ashleigh's turn. She's been freaking out that she has to do this, sucking down the drinks. She tells a few blonde jokes and then scampers off. And then it is Corrie's turn. She does some fantastic impersonations of the ladies in the house. But the best one she does is of Vienna.
CORRIE: I long my long blonde fake hair. I love walking around topless. I love to talk crap about every other girl in the house.
All the girls are laughing hysterically. Who isn't? Jake. He looked concerned. Could he have misjudged her? Uh. Yeah.
It's evening time. Time for cocktails! Tenley the Disney Princess pulls Jake aside and tells him about her past. She tells him her husband had an affair and left her for another woman. The bluebirds put a Kleenex in front of her face and say, "blow."
Jake gives her a hug and they kiss. Someday my prince will come....someday....we'll meet again....
Then all the other girls decide to spend their alone time with Jake talking about Vienna. Really, ladies...accentuate the positive. Guys hate hearing this kind of crap. In the meantime, Michelle is plotting her next move. Elizabeth says "Michelle needs a therapist, not a husband." True. Nevertheless, Michelle get her alone time with Jake.
MICHELLE: I really really really really want a husband.
JAKE: I believe you.
MICHELLE: I think we should kiss.
JAKE LEANS AWAY, LOOKING AROUND FOR A PRODUCER.
MICHELLE: Let's kiss.
JAKE SHUTS HIS EYES AND TRIES TO THINK OF THE OCEAN.
Michelle plants one on him. Jake keeps his mouth tightly shut and looks like he is in pain.
MICHELLE: You've gotta give me something more than that.
JAKE: I just want this night to be over.
THE PRODUCER RADIOS IN SECURITY.
MICHELLE: You know, I can't stay. I want to but not being able to really kiss you hurts. If you want me to stay, I'll stay.
JAKE: I think it would be better if you left now.
Dun dun dun! Sorry to break off at such a crucial moment. But it's getting late and I've got a somewhat sick one at home. More to come later....
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
"My personal life is no one's business..."
Um...sorry but...that is incorrect, Rozlyn. If you're on a reality dating show, your personal life is EVERYONE'S business. Hey, you're the one who signed up for it...
Okay. So it's been a day and maybe you don't care about The Bachelor. I do. More than I should. Despite the fact that Jake is a tad bit uptight.
I will fully admit that I basically missed the first half hour of the Bachelor. Not my fault. I was chasing Girlfriend around the house to get her into her pj's. A difficult task since she would only speak to me in dinosaur language. In case you're wondering, dinosaurs don't wear pajamas.
So by the time I got to the television on Monday, it was time for Ali's big "come fly with me" date with Jake. That's the thing about dating a pilot, you've got to expect he's going to want to fly you places. And Ali's afraid of flying. Excellent! Ali dresses for the occasion in yet another yellow dress. Who has more than one yellow dress? Maybe this is her power color. She attempts to gracefully straddle a motorcycle in it. Seriously, I think it's very rude to pick up a girl for a date on a motorcycle. Does Jake even consider how long she has probably spent on her hair? So rude. Plus you are going to get dirty from the road air and possibly bugs in your teeth.
They get to the airport and the plane is like the size of gnat. I'd be freaking out too. Jake makes a big show of doing his "pre-flight." I hope they gave that girl a shot of something before they went up in the air. Once they are flying, she likens it to "floating." Sorry, but that's not what I want to feel like while in the air. I want to hear lots of engines. But no propellers. I am not a "prop" girl.
Cue "On the Wings of Love" ABC! Of course they do. Giving Jeffrey Osborne about another 2 minutes worth of fame. Ali says "the plane taking off was our relationship taking off." Seriously. So. Cheesy.
Then Ali and Jake get into a vintage car and drive to Palm Springs. They have dinner and Ali tells Jake all of her boyfriends have names that start with J. So obviously, they must be together. Jake flashes his dimples and Ali leans in to kiss him. And then, hark! What is that music?
Jake and Ali run across a park and see a bunch of old guys singing a Chicago song. Wait...those old guys ARE Chicago! The band! You know the ones! Who sing "Saturday in the Park!" And...and....um....someone help me here....
Anyway, Ali and Jake jam out to Chicago. Can you jam out to Chicago? They try.
In the meantime, back at the house, the girls discover there will be another group date. A few girls will not be getting dates this week. One of those girls is Michelle. In case you're forgetting who Michelle is, she is the one who is scary.
When Michelle discovers she is not getting a date, she goes upstairs to pack. Because "what is the purpose of me staying? He clearly doesn't want to be with me if I'm not getting a date with him." Tenley the Disney Princess is horrified. "But you must stay!" she cries. Tenley's deer and bunnies and bluebirds nod in agreement. Michelle zips up her suitcase and puts it downstairs, throwing a dart at her Jake dartboard.
Meanwhile, the ladies and Jake are going to an amusement park. Elizabeth immediately snatches Jake away and reads him a note/poem. Or at least I thought it was poem until I realized it was actually a vaguely threatening note. It says "Don't kiss me until you're ready to kiss only me for the rest of your life." Okay. Well. A bit demanding, if you ask me. I can see not wanting to jump into bed with the guy but come on. Jake says "I respect her values...it's kind of sweet." Excellent values. If perhaps you are in a Jane Austen novel.
After the day at the amusement park, the group daters meet for cocktails. Vienna gets a little sloshy, pulls Jake aside and tells her big secret. I'll try to get this right, it's a bit confusing. At 17, she was engaged to her pastor's son but she called it off. So a month later, this pastor's son got married to someone else. So in retribution...or else just because she's an idiot....she runs off and elopes with the first breathing male she sees (this would make her 18, I suppose) and lo and behold, it doesn't work out. This makes her sob for some reason. And then Ashley with the brown hair interrupts her tale of woe with a margarita and her extremely pink fingernails.
At the end of the night, Jake gives the rose to Elizabeth, the girl who won't kiss. Together, they sit and watch the fireworks and think about kissing. Elizabeth consents to his elbow touching hers. I can't help but think that Elizabeth's rule is just like the prostitute (Julia Roberts) in Pretty Woman who won't kiss her customers but will pretty much do everything else. I wonder if the same rule applies.
Cocktail party time! It's Ella's birthday so she gets a cupcake! I'm sure that makes her feel much better about being away from her son. Michelle tells Jake she packed her bags because she didn't think he was into her.
And then the drama begins! Chris the Dork Harrison comes and pulls Rozlyn out of the cocktail party. He apologizes and says "you entered into an inappropriate relationship with a staffer." The way it was worded, you know it was written by lawyers. He then politely tells her the staffer has been fired and she has to go home. Chris looks like he might cry (as our fellow Bachelor friend Cassie has pointed out) the entire time. Rozlyn looks like a deer in the headlights. Or a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Or...hell, just insert your own cliche here. She goes upstairs to pack her bag while a big fat bouncer-type watches. I don't know why. Do they think she is going to wreck the joint? Meanwhile, Rozlyn's wilted rose looks on. Nice touch, ABC. Trying to add some art to this, are you?
Meanwhile, Jake is disturbed to learn that the hottest girl on the show is getting kicked off. He gets teary-eyed and asks "can I get my rose back?" He watches as Chris tells the remaining girls the news. They all start to cry and I'm like..huh? What the heck is everyone crying about? I hate that. I'm all for crying if there's a good reason and there are plenty of good reasons. But to cry for that? Not acceptable. Clearly, no one here has experienced any real tragedy in their young, surgically-enhanced lives. Jake says "I feel deceived. If anyone else is not sure if they want to be here, pull me aside and we'll talk about."
Tenley is beside herself. Ashley can't believe Roz was "getting it on" with someone else. I can't believe that someone just used the phrase "getting it on." Ali says "f*ck her." Couldn't have put it better myself.
Okay. Rose ceremony time. Ali and Elizabeth have roses and are therefore safe.
Rose #1 Vienna
Rose #2 Gia
Rose #3 Tenley
Rose #4 Ella
Rose #5 Valisha
Rose #6 Corrie
Rose #7 Jessie
Rose #8 Asleigh with the blonde hair
Rose #9 Michelle
Rose #10 Kathryn.
This means that Christina and Ashley with the brown hair are history. Not surprised. Christina was kind of loud in a "I spend a lot of time in a bar" kind of way that would frighten someone like Mr. Pleated Khaki Pants. And Ashley had those kind of big round eyes that might frighten you late at night. Plus she insists on saying "genuon" instead of "genuine" which really irritated me. She did it more than once.
Okay. Next week someone goes bungee jumping with Jake. Vienna annoys everyone. And Jake wells up with tears. Really? Again?
Until next week...
Nan
Okay. So it's been a day and maybe you don't care about The Bachelor. I do. More than I should. Despite the fact that Jake is a tad bit uptight.
I will fully admit that I basically missed the first half hour of the Bachelor. Not my fault. I was chasing Girlfriend around the house to get her into her pj's. A difficult task since she would only speak to me in dinosaur language. In case you're wondering, dinosaurs don't wear pajamas.
So by the time I got to the television on Monday, it was time for Ali's big "come fly with me" date with Jake. That's the thing about dating a pilot, you've got to expect he's going to want to fly you places. And Ali's afraid of flying. Excellent! Ali dresses for the occasion in yet another yellow dress. Who has more than one yellow dress? Maybe this is her power color. She attempts to gracefully straddle a motorcycle in it. Seriously, I think it's very rude to pick up a girl for a date on a motorcycle. Does Jake even consider how long she has probably spent on her hair? So rude. Plus you are going to get dirty from the road air and possibly bugs in your teeth.
They get to the airport and the plane is like the size of gnat. I'd be freaking out too. Jake makes a big show of doing his "pre-flight." I hope they gave that girl a shot of something before they went up in the air. Once they are flying, she likens it to "floating." Sorry, but that's not what I want to feel like while in the air. I want to hear lots of engines. But no propellers. I am not a "prop" girl.
Cue "On the Wings of Love" ABC! Of course they do. Giving Jeffrey Osborne about another 2 minutes worth of fame. Ali says "the plane taking off was our relationship taking off." Seriously. So. Cheesy.
Then Ali and Jake get into a vintage car and drive to Palm Springs. They have dinner and Ali tells Jake all of her boyfriends have names that start with J. So obviously, they must be together. Jake flashes his dimples and Ali leans in to kiss him. And then, hark! What is that music?
Jake and Ali run across a park and see a bunch of old guys singing a Chicago song. Wait...those old guys ARE Chicago! The band! You know the ones! Who sing "Saturday in the Park!" And...and....um....someone help me here....
Anyway, Ali and Jake jam out to Chicago. Can you jam out to Chicago? They try.
In the meantime, back at the house, the girls discover there will be another group date. A few girls will not be getting dates this week. One of those girls is Michelle. In case you're forgetting who Michelle is, she is the one who is scary.
When Michelle discovers she is not getting a date, she goes upstairs to pack. Because "what is the purpose of me staying? He clearly doesn't want to be with me if I'm not getting a date with him." Tenley the Disney Princess is horrified. "But you must stay!" she cries. Tenley's deer and bunnies and bluebirds nod in agreement. Michelle zips up her suitcase and puts it downstairs, throwing a dart at her Jake dartboard.
Meanwhile, the ladies and Jake are going to an amusement park. Elizabeth immediately snatches Jake away and reads him a note/poem. Or at least I thought it was poem until I realized it was actually a vaguely threatening note. It says "Don't kiss me until you're ready to kiss only me for the rest of your life." Okay. Well. A bit demanding, if you ask me. I can see not wanting to jump into bed with the guy but come on. Jake says "I respect her values...it's kind of sweet." Excellent values. If perhaps you are in a Jane Austen novel.
After the day at the amusement park, the group daters meet for cocktails. Vienna gets a little sloshy, pulls Jake aside and tells her big secret. I'll try to get this right, it's a bit confusing. At 17, she was engaged to her pastor's son but she called it off. So a month later, this pastor's son got married to someone else. So in retribution...or else just because she's an idiot....she runs off and elopes with the first breathing male she sees (this would make her 18, I suppose) and lo and behold, it doesn't work out. This makes her sob for some reason. And then Ashley with the brown hair interrupts her tale of woe with a margarita and her extremely pink fingernails.
At the end of the night, Jake gives the rose to Elizabeth, the girl who won't kiss. Together, they sit and watch the fireworks and think about kissing. Elizabeth consents to his elbow touching hers. I can't help but think that Elizabeth's rule is just like the prostitute (Julia Roberts) in Pretty Woman who won't kiss her customers but will pretty much do everything else. I wonder if the same rule applies.
Cocktail party time! It's Ella's birthday so she gets a cupcake! I'm sure that makes her feel much better about being away from her son. Michelle tells Jake she packed her bags because she didn't think he was into her.
And then the drama begins! Chris the Dork Harrison comes and pulls Rozlyn out of the cocktail party. He apologizes and says "you entered into an inappropriate relationship with a staffer." The way it was worded, you know it was written by lawyers. He then politely tells her the staffer has been fired and she has to go home. Chris looks like he might cry (as our fellow Bachelor friend Cassie has pointed out) the entire time. Rozlyn looks like a deer in the headlights. Or a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Or...hell, just insert your own cliche here. She goes upstairs to pack her bag while a big fat bouncer-type watches. I don't know why. Do they think she is going to wreck the joint? Meanwhile, Rozlyn's wilted rose looks on. Nice touch, ABC. Trying to add some art to this, are you?
Meanwhile, Jake is disturbed to learn that the hottest girl on the show is getting kicked off. He gets teary-eyed and asks "can I get my rose back?" He watches as Chris tells the remaining girls the news. They all start to cry and I'm like..huh? What the heck is everyone crying about? I hate that. I'm all for crying if there's a good reason and there are plenty of good reasons. But to cry for that? Not acceptable. Clearly, no one here has experienced any real tragedy in their young, surgically-enhanced lives. Jake says "I feel deceived. If anyone else is not sure if they want to be here, pull me aside and we'll talk about."
Tenley is beside herself. Ashley can't believe Roz was "getting it on" with someone else. I can't believe that someone just used the phrase "getting it on." Ali says "f*ck her." Couldn't have put it better myself.
Okay. Rose ceremony time. Ali and Elizabeth have roses and are therefore safe.
Rose #1 Vienna
Rose #2 Gia
Rose #3 Tenley
Rose #4 Ella
Rose #5 Valisha
Rose #6 Corrie
Rose #7 Jessie
Rose #8 Asleigh with the blonde hair
Rose #9 Michelle
Rose #10 Kathryn.
This means that Christina and Ashley with the brown hair are history. Not surprised. Christina was kind of loud in a "I spend a lot of time in a bar" kind of way that would frighten someone like Mr. Pleated Khaki Pants. And Ashley had those kind of big round eyes that might frighten you late at night. Plus she insists on saying "genuon" instead of "genuine" which really irritated me. She did it more than once.
Okay. Next week someone goes bungee jumping with Jake. Vienna annoys everyone. And Jake wells up with tears. Really? Again?
Until next week...
Nan
Falling into the category of "So Bad It's Good"...
or maybe it's just sooo bad??
See for yourself:
http://tvwatch.people.com/2010/01/12/bachelor-bachelorette-all-star-show-coming-to-abc/
Okay, must go bachelor blog now.
See for yourself:
http://tvwatch.people.com/2010/01/12/bachelor-bachelorette-all-star-show-coming-to-abc/
Okay, must go bachelor blog now.
Watch this space...
at some point today, I'll do the Bachelor Blog. Was in Buffalo all day yesterday so I couldn't make it happen.
More to come!
More to come!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The rest of it
The Bachelor, that is.
So. Time for Jakie Jake to get to know the ladies better. He claims he is "blown away by beauty." But he assures the camera "I want inner beauty." Uh huh. Right.
First thing he does is pull Ali in the yellow dress away for alone time. She is so excited by this she falls and rips her dress. She tells him she is afraid of flying and hasn't done so for eight years. Excellent match, ABC. She asks him what his top priorities are. He says "G-d. Family. Friends." Sounds like some kind of army slogan or something. Channey tells Jake her lovely landing strip sentence in Cambodian. Jake says "that's so purdy." And then she tells him what it means. You start to wonder if Jake even knows what a landing strip is. Outside of an airport, that is.
Meanwhile, the girls are getting to know each other. Christina notices that "lots of girls have their tatas out to play." Ashley the brunette decides to take things up a notch by dressing up in a vintage stewardess outfit that is literally up to her hoo-ha. All while telling Jake that she is working on her PHD.
Elizabeth the nanny is desperate to get attention so she grabs a football and challenges Jake to a game. Somehow this leads to a game with all the girls, blondes versus brunettes. I have a feeling that the brunettes should have been a much larger team if they were looking at people's roots. Jake plays quarterback for both teams. Which makes sense because some of the women are larger than him.
I know. I'm a height-ist. I can't help help. It's biological, I swear.
In case you care, the brunettes won. Insert your own blonde joke here.
Here a few observations from the night, or at least the night ABC wanted us to see. Michelle is freaking crazy. Crying, freaking out that "her husband Jake" is talking to other women. Rozlyn is beautiful but evil. Vienna likes to touch people. Lots of girls keep talking about their values which means you can bet no one's going to see any action this season. Tenly tells Jake ten things about her and then kisses him and then freaks out because he's only like the second guy she's ever kissed. Really? And then...
Jillian and Ed show up! Jillian in a disco ball of a dress. Why are they there? To help their dear pal make sense of all the ladies. You know Ed is psyched. He is taking notes. Or jotting down numbers, one or the other. They interview the ladies. Jillian dirty dances with one of them. What?
Okay. They reach their conclusions. Ed tells Jake he likes Elizabeth the nanny from Nebraska. Uh huh. I'll bet. Jillian likes Ella. Jake says "who goes?" Ed practically screams "Michelle! Not a good vibe!" Really? What gave you that impression? The bunny boiling away in the kitchen? Jake says thanks and ignores what they have to say.
He then gives Tenley the first impression rose and she is welling up with tears. Oh brother. These two are made for each other. You can see all the animals of the forest stitching her wedding gown as we speak.
Okay. Rose ceremony time. Tenley is safe. Here is the rest:
Rose #1 Ella
Rose #2 Elizabeth from Nebraska
Rose #3 Ali
Rose #4 Vienna
Rose #5 Christina
Rose #6 Gia
Rose #7 Ashley (brunette)
Rose #8 Rozlyn
Rose #9 Jessie
Rose #10 Corrie
Rose #11 Valisha
Rose #12 Asleigh (blonde)
Rose #13 Kathryn
Rose #14 Michelle (who sobs pathetically).
And then we get scenes for the upcoming season. In case you haven't heard in the news, some bachelorette on the show hooks up with a crew member which throws everyone into a tizzy. Hey, she certainly wasn't going to get any from Jake. Not surprisingly, there are lots of tears. And apparently, Jakie Jake gets so mad that he kicks something. What a badass.
And that's all, folks. Can't wait until next week....
Sorry so late. I apologize for any typos, too tired to read this again.
So. Time for Jakie Jake to get to know the ladies better. He claims he is "blown away by beauty." But he assures the camera "I want inner beauty." Uh huh. Right.
First thing he does is pull Ali in the yellow dress away for alone time. She is so excited by this she falls and rips her dress. She tells him she is afraid of flying and hasn't done so for eight years. Excellent match, ABC. She asks him what his top priorities are. He says "G-d. Family. Friends." Sounds like some kind of army slogan or something. Channey tells Jake her lovely landing strip sentence in Cambodian. Jake says "that's so purdy." And then she tells him what it means. You start to wonder if Jake even knows what a landing strip is. Outside of an airport, that is.
Meanwhile, the girls are getting to know each other. Christina notices that "lots of girls have their tatas out to play." Ashley the brunette decides to take things up a notch by dressing up in a vintage stewardess outfit that is literally up to her hoo-ha. All while telling Jake that she is working on her PHD.
Elizabeth the nanny is desperate to get attention so she grabs a football and challenges Jake to a game. Somehow this leads to a game with all the girls, blondes versus brunettes. I have a feeling that the brunettes should have been a much larger team if they were looking at people's roots. Jake plays quarterback for both teams. Which makes sense because some of the women are larger than him.
I know. I'm a height-ist. I can't help help. It's biological, I swear.
In case you care, the brunettes won. Insert your own blonde joke here.
Here a few observations from the night, or at least the night ABC wanted us to see. Michelle is freaking crazy. Crying, freaking out that "her husband Jake" is talking to other women. Rozlyn is beautiful but evil. Vienna likes to touch people. Lots of girls keep talking about their values which means you can bet no one's going to see any action this season. Tenly tells Jake ten things about her and then kisses him and then freaks out because he's only like the second guy she's ever kissed. Really? And then...
Jillian and Ed show up! Jillian in a disco ball of a dress. Why are they there? To help their dear pal make sense of all the ladies. You know Ed is psyched. He is taking notes. Or jotting down numbers, one or the other. They interview the ladies. Jillian dirty dances with one of them. What?
Okay. They reach their conclusions. Ed tells Jake he likes Elizabeth the nanny from Nebraska. Uh huh. I'll bet. Jillian likes Ella. Jake says "who goes?" Ed practically screams "Michelle! Not a good vibe!" Really? What gave you that impression? The bunny boiling away in the kitchen? Jake says thanks and ignores what they have to say.
He then gives Tenley the first impression rose and she is welling up with tears. Oh brother. These two are made for each other. You can see all the animals of the forest stitching her wedding gown as we speak.
Okay. Rose ceremony time. Tenley is safe. Here is the rest:
Rose #1 Ella
Rose #2 Elizabeth from Nebraska
Rose #3 Ali
Rose #4 Vienna
Rose #5 Christina
Rose #6 Gia
Rose #7 Ashley (brunette)
Rose #8 Rozlyn
Rose #9 Jessie
Rose #10 Corrie
Rose #11 Valisha
Rose #12 Asleigh (blonde)
Rose #13 Kathryn
Rose #14 Michelle (who sobs pathetically).
And then we get scenes for the upcoming season. In case you haven't heard in the news, some bachelorette on the show hooks up with a crew member which throws everyone into a tizzy. Hey, she certainly wasn't going to get any from Jake. Not surprisingly, there are lots of tears. And apparently, Jakie Jake gets so mad that he kicks something. What a badass.
And that's all, folks. Can't wait until next week....
Sorry so late. I apologize for any typos, too tired to read this again.
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