Before I was a parent, I was under the mistaken assumption that once your kid started sleeping through the night, they slept through the night. Ha, ha. What a joke.
What I have learned is that kids who sleep though the night only do so under the most perfect conditions. Anything less than perfect and all bets are off. Less than perfect conditions include sickness, vacation, too much heat, not enough heat, too long of a nap, too much sugar, poop issues, strange noises, company, potty training and overgrown toenails. Which means that perfect conditions only exist about 30 percent of the time, tops. Now that she's able to talk, it's gotten more interesting:
Me: Okay, so Mommy's going to read you a couple of books and then Daddy will come in and brush your teeth. Okay?
A: I need Kid.
(Kid is a very very small purple bunny.)
Me: I don't know where Kid is.
A: Kid's out front. Daddy, I need kid!
(Kid arrives on the scene delivered via Daddy.)
Me: Okay, we've read all our books. So I'm going to lower the lights..
A: No! Too light!
Me: You mean more light.
A: Too light!
Me: Okay. So it's night-night time now. Time to go to sleep. Everyone sleeps. Mommy sleeps, Daddy sleeps...
A: Ice pops sleep, sorbet sleeps...
Me: Yes and kitties sleep and doggies sleep...
A: And pizza sleeps and poo-poo sleeps...
A: And trees sleeps and moths sleep and Barnes & Noble sleeps...
Me: That's true, I guess it does...
A: And Elmo sleeps and Dora sleeps and mouse sleeps...NO MOUSE!
Me: Mice sleep...
A: NO MOUSE!
Me: No, there aren't any mice around here....
(Which is not entirely true but sometimes white lies are necessary particularly around bedtime.)
A: I need an ice pop.
Me: You need an ice pop?
A: Green one.
Me: When do you get ice pops?
A: After dinner.
Me: Is it after dinner?
(Which it is. Not a great argument.)
Me: It's bedtime now.
A: I'm awake.
Me: Yes, but if you close your eyes, you'll be asleep.
A: I need medicine.
Me: Are you sick?
Me: What hurts?
A: My toe.
Me: Your toe hurts? Where?
A: Right here.
Me: You want me to kiss it?
(I kiss it.)
Me: Feel better?
Me: Now it's time to go to sleep.
A: I need Elmo. Daddy! Elmo!
Me: Elmo's right here.
A: I need the other one. Daddy! Elmo, please!
(Miraculously, J knows what she is talking about and Elmo arrives on the scene.)
Me: Okay. Daddy's here. I'm going out front now and Daddy...
(At this point she politely but forcefully pushes me out of bed, ready to have Daddy to herself.)
Cut to 10 minutes later. There is snoring in the baby monitor. Of course, when I go to check on them, J is fast asleep. A waves at me happily.
Tune in to tomorrow for the adventures of What Happens When We Leave Her Door Open At Night. Fun stuff, I'm telling you.