Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Falling into the category of...better late than never....

Well, I’m a bit late writing about this train wreck since work beckoned. And boy, is the world pissed at Jay-Jay. Not sure I can write much that hasn’t been already been said, but I’ll give it my all.

And I’ll spend most of my time on the show after the show, since that’s where things got interesting. The thing you have to ask yourself…which lots of people have been asking all day is this….was it real? Or have you been simplyh watching a crappy school play dreamed up by the likes of desperate ABC producers? Complete with bad acting and a somewhat wimpy, weepy leading man.

The finale starts with Jason’s family coming out to New Zealand to meet the ladies. His whole family is skeptical of both girls and rightly so; apparently Jay-Jay has no judgment when it comes to women. I’m sure this guy has been the poster child for unrequited love his entire life…you can picture the notes he’s been passing to the cutest girl in class since kindergarten. DO YOU LIKE ME? PLEASE CHECK YES OR NO.

Melissa is meeting the family first, getting tons of grilling from Jay-Jay’s brothers. Mel says “you seem cynical.” Of course they are! Jason’s already proposed twice in his life with nothing to show for it. Mom’s cynical too. Who’s not cynical? Ty! Ty loves Melissa. So does Jason’s dad. Mom is eventually won over. Until the next day…

That's when Molly arrives on the scene. She does not impress Ty in the least. He’s like, where’s the perky little cheerleader? Molly attempts to appear to like children. Ty tries to push her into the ocean. Eventually, reluctantly… he allows her to fly a kite with him, glaring all the way.

And then the rest of the family gets to meet Miss Molly. Jason’s sister looks at her like she’s got three heads. Brothers grill her but she is not phased because she the ice queen. Sister tells Jay-jay that Molly is “focused.” Like a cat on a mouse, she is….

Of course, Jay-jay is torn. It’s the Bachelor, they have to at least pretend to be torn for the sake of drama. His mother must go with your gut. Apparently, Jay jay has no gut. Or guts. Anyway…

After that, a whole lot of boring things happen, such as Melissa calling her mom and asking if she would be willing to talk to her possible future husband on the phone. She agrees. Melissa and Jason then jump into freezing cold water. Then Molly decides to show Jay Jay that she is a sexy mama by giving him a massage straddling him in a bikini. Lots of oil and skin, just the way ABC likes it. Surprisingly unsexy, by the way.

And then…just as Jason is deliberating his choices…we see two ungraceful legs in ugly shoes awkwardly scramble out of a limo. Why…it’s none other than Deanna! How shocking! ABC…you are so….SHOCKING! Yawn.

Apparently, Deanna just happened to be in the neighborhood and wanted to drop by to tell Jay-Jay that she should have chosen him instead of Jesse. Poor Deanna. She can barely keep a straight face. Doesn’t seem as though she really wants him to accept. She knows what Jay-jay’s answer is going to be before he even says it. “Thanks for the opportunity but I’ve got two other women I’m in love with.” Deanna looks relieved, mumbles something about not following your heart “but leading your heart” which I think is supposed to be deep but instead is just confusing. Annoying ABC writers, you guys suck. And then Deanna collects her paycheck and goes home to stare at herself in the mirror. At least her eyebrows are looking better.

And then a ring lady shows up at the house to show Jason some engagement rings. Because really, when you’re torn between two people, the very best thing you should do is propose. He picks this really yucky one, a sideways Marquis ring that I really don’t care for. But hey. It’s free. And with the way he offers up rings, he needs a bargain when he can get one.

Okay. It’s the big day. Which means we get to see the girls as they curling iron their hair, trying to make the most of it despite all the frizz in the air. Damn that New Zealand rain. Molly is decked out in an ill-fitting purple prom dress, Melissa is in a gold Grecian creation. For some reason, it looks like Melissa has a nest on the side of her head and Molly is rocking a ponytail. To make a long story short, Jay jay tells Molly he must send her home. Molly shows very little emotion, just continually repeating “I think you’re making a very big mistake.” She doesn’t cry much. Jason on the other hand, cries buckets. He does a dramatic run over a glass balcony, looking like he’s going to hurl his guts out. Just the shape you should be in before you propose to someone.

Which he does. Of course, Melissa says all kinds of things that hint at what is to come, such as “everytime I feel this happy, it gets taken out from under me.” Still, Jay jay does the deed and she says “I’m the happiest girl in the world.” Not to be outdone, he says “I’m the happiest man in the universe.” And Melissa says “I’m going to be a Mesnick.” Uh huh. Don’t go picking out the china patterns yet, Missy.

Okay. Cut to six weeks later. Chris the Dork Harrison is before us, looking serious, telling us that it’s going to be a very dramatic After the Final Rose Ceremony. He pulls Jason out alone, no audience members, onto a darkened stage. He says “You’re going to end it tonight with Melissa?” Jason, who looks as though he’s trying not to smile or cry, nods. He says “the chemistry is different between us. She knows my heart and head’s not into it.”

Then they bring a very reluctant Melissa onto the stage. She clomps up in high heels, looking pissed the whole time. He says “we’re not right for each other.” Melissa says “You don’t even want to try. Something happened and you have yet to be honest about what that is.” Jason says “I still have feelings for Molly” though he denies talking to her.

This is when it gets weird. Melissa appears to be checking out her shoes the whole time and starts referring to herself in the third person. “You don’t want to fight for Melissa. You gave Melissa a ring but you don’t want to fight for her.” And then she utters the best line of the night, which makes me doubt she wrote it herself “You’re such a bastard.” Hmmm…help from the ABC writers, perhaps?

And then she says “I trusted you with everything…the engagement was a once in a lifetime thing and you took it from me.” She hands him back the ugly ring and says “good luck in the future, good luck with Molly. Don’t call me, don’t talk to me, leave me alone.” She stomps off to the limo where she says “I’m always playing the pity card…something’s wrong with me.” Meanwhile, Jason sobs. And sobs. And sobs some more. I don’t know what the hell he’s crying about, Melissa’s the one who just got dumped for someone else on national television.

And then Jason goes away and they bring out Molly. Molly supposedly has no idea why she’s there. She says she’s never been in the position of heartbreak before but that she still has feelings for Jason. She tells Chris she wishes Jason would come out and say he’d made a mistake. And then they bring out Jason and he tells Molly “My heart hasn’t let go of you” and asks her if she wants to go out for drinks. She stares at him and then back at Chris Harrison like she is being punked.
When it becomes clear she isn’t she says “This is something I’ve dreamt of” and before you know it her hand is on his knee. And then she kisses him. And then that’s it. Jay-jay gets what he wants, Molly gets what she wants and Melissa is the luckiest of them all because she doesn’t have to deal with whiny Jason for the rest of her life.

Last night’s second After the Rose Show? Did we really need it? What was the point? Damage control? To make us like Molly and Jason a little better? They were certainly all over each other. My take on it? She’s a little annoying, that laugh of hers was starting to bug. And he is beyond annoying and very clingy. She’s gonna get sick of it fast, especially if she really runs off and moves to Seattle. The highlight of the evening is finding out Jillian will be the next bachelorette. I’m kind of nervous for her since who knows what poor saps they’ll sic on her. Hope it’s someone cool. Get used to hearing the word “a-gain” again.

So. What do you guys think? I don’t hate Jason the way everyone else does. I say...hate the game, not the player. He has the right to break up with someone if he doesn’t like them. But I think if he was a real man, he could have stood up to the producers and asked them not to do it on television. And I’m still not entirely convinced this wasn’t all set up by the producers to begin with….like perhaps he’d been hooking with Molly all along? I don’t know. We’ll never really know, will we? And more importantly…do we honestly care?

I’ll miss not blogging about this for a while…though it will also be a welcome break from Jason and his drama. I do love hearing from everyone, though. So feel free to stop by and visit the bloggy sometime…I promise to start blogging about something else…something slightly more…shall we say…intelligent. Only slightly, but still.

I'll miss you guys....have a great Wednesday.


1 comment:

Elizabeth Cobb Durel said...

perhaps it's cynical, but did the first girl really have to return the ring? if she got dumped, then i think that etiquette dictates she gets to keep it. (Because of course, etiquette and decorum always play a part in these things....)

But how awesome would that be?

Also, I'll bet they said the ring manufacturer's name about 40 times. It's not like they didn't get their commercial....