Um...sorry but...that is incorrect, Rozlyn. If you're on a reality dating show, your personal life is EVERYONE'S business. Hey, you're the one who signed up for it...
Okay. So it's been a day and maybe you don't care about The Bachelor. I do. More than I should. Despite the fact that Jake is a tad bit uptight.
I will fully admit that I basically missed the first half hour of the Bachelor. Not my fault. I was chasing Girlfriend around the house to get her into her pj's. A difficult task since she would only speak to me in dinosaur language. In case you're wondering, dinosaurs don't wear pajamas.
So by the time I got to the television on Monday, it was time for Ali's big "come fly with me" date with Jake. That's the thing about dating a pilot, you've got to expect he's going to want to fly you places. And Ali's afraid of flying. Excellent! Ali dresses for the occasion in yet another yellow dress. Who has more than one yellow dress? Maybe this is her power color. She attempts to gracefully straddle a motorcycle in it. Seriously, I think it's very rude to pick up a girl for a date on a motorcycle. Does Jake even consider how long she has probably spent on her hair? So rude. Plus you are going to get dirty from the road air and possibly bugs in your teeth.
They get to the airport and the plane is like the size of gnat. I'd be freaking out too. Jake makes a big show of doing his "pre-flight." I hope they gave that girl a shot of something before they went up in the air. Once they are flying, she likens it to "floating." Sorry, but that's not what I want to feel like while in the air. I want to hear lots of engines. But no propellers. I am not a "prop" girl.
Cue "On the Wings of Love" ABC! Of course they do. Giving Jeffrey Osborne about another 2 minutes worth of fame. Ali says "the plane taking off was our relationship taking off." Seriously. So. Cheesy.
Then Ali and Jake get into a vintage car and drive to Palm Springs. They have dinner and Ali tells Jake all of her boyfriends have names that start with J. So obviously, they must be together. Jake flashes his dimples and Ali leans in to kiss him. And then, hark! What is that music?
Jake and Ali run across a park and see a bunch of old guys singing a Chicago song. Wait...those old guys ARE Chicago! The band! You know the ones! Who sing "Saturday in the Park!" And...and....um....someone help me here....
Anyway, Ali and Jake jam out to Chicago. Can you jam out to Chicago? They try.
In the meantime, back at the house, the girls discover there will be another group date. A few girls will not be getting dates this week. One of those girls is Michelle. In case you're forgetting who Michelle is, she is the one who is scary.
When Michelle discovers she is not getting a date, she goes upstairs to pack. Because "what is the purpose of me staying? He clearly doesn't want to be with me if I'm not getting a date with him." Tenley the Disney Princess is horrified. "But you must stay!" she cries. Tenley's deer and bunnies and bluebirds nod in agreement. Michelle zips up her suitcase and puts it downstairs, throwing a dart at her Jake dartboard.
Meanwhile, the ladies and Jake are going to an amusement park. Elizabeth immediately snatches Jake away and reads him a note/poem. Or at least I thought it was poem until I realized it was actually a vaguely threatening note. It says "Don't kiss me until you're ready to kiss only me for the rest of your life." Okay. Well. A bit demanding, if you ask me. I can see not wanting to jump into bed with the guy but come on. Jake says "I respect her values...it's kind of sweet." Excellent values. If perhaps you are in a Jane Austen novel.
After the day at the amusement park, the group daters meet for cocktails. Vienna gets a little sloshy, pulls Jake aside and tells her big secret. I'll try to get this right, it's a bit confusing. At 17, she was engaged to her pastor's son but she called it off. So a month later, this pastor's son got married to someone else. So in retribution...or else just because she's an idiot....she runs off and elopes with the first breathing male she sees (this would make her 18, I suppose) and lo and behold, it doesn't work out. This makes her sob for some reason. And then Ashley with the brown hair interrupts her tale of woe with a margarita and her extremely pink fingernails.
At the end of the night, Jake gives the rose to Elizabeth, the girl who won't kiss. Together, they sit and watch the fireworks and think about kissing. Elizabeth consents to his elbow touching hers. I can't help but think that Elizabeth's rule is just like the prostitute (Julia Roberts) in Pretty Woman who won't kiss her customers but will pretty much do everything else. I wonder if the same rule applies.
Cocktail party time! It's Ella's birthday so she gets a cupcake! I'm sure that makes her feel much better about being away from her son. Michelle tells Jake she packed her bags because she didn't think he was into her.
And then the drama begins! Chris the Dork Harrison comes and pulls Rozlyn out of the cocktail party. He apologizes and says "you entered into an inappropriate relationship with a staffer." The way it was worded, you know it was written by lawyers. He then politely tells her the staffer has been fired and she has to go home. Chris looks like he might cry (as our fellow Bachelor friend Cassie has pointed out) the entire time. Rozlyn looks like a deer in the headlights. Or a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Or...hell, just insert your own cliche here. She goes upstairs to pack her bag while a big fat bouncer-type watches. I don't know why. Do they think she is going to wreck the joint? Meanwhile, Rozlyn's wilted rose looks on. Nice touch, ABC. Trying to add some art to this, are you?
Meanwhile, Jake is disturbed to learn that the hottest girl on the show is getting kicked off. He gets teary-eyed and asks "can I get my rose back?" He watches as Chris tells the remaining girls the news. They all start to cry and I'm like..huh? What the heck is everyone crying about? I hate that. I'm all for crying if there's a good reason and there are plenty of good reasons. But to cry for that? Not acceptable. Clearly, no one here has experienced any real tragedy in their young, surgically-enhanced lives. Jake says "I feel deceived. If anyone else is not sure if they want to be here, pull me aside and we'll talk about."
Tenley is beside herself. Ashley can't believe Roz was "getting it on" with someone else. I can't believe that someone just used the phrase "getting it on." Ali says "f*ck her." Couldn't have put it better myself.
Okay. Rose ceremony time. Ali and Elizabeth have roses and are therefore safe.
Rose #1 Vienna
Rose #2 Gia
Rose #3 Tenley
Rose #4 Ella
Rose #5 Valisha
Rose #6 Corrie
Rose #7 Jessie
Rose #8 Asleigh with the blonde hair
Rose #9 Michelle
Rose #10 Kathryn.
This means that Christina and Ashley with the brown hair are history. Not surprised. Christina was kind of loud in a "I spend a lot of time in a bar" kind of way that would frighten someone like Mr. Pleated Khaki Pants. And Ashley had those kind of big round eyes that might frighten you late at night. Plus she insists on saying "genuon" instead of "genuine" which really irritated me. She did it more than once.
Okay. Next week someone goes bungee jumping with Jake. Vienna annoys everyone. And Jake wells up with tears. Really? Again?
Until next week...
Nan
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Falling into the category of "So Bad It's Good"...
or maybe it's just sooo bad??
See for yourself:
http://tvwatch.people.com/2010/01/12/bachelor-bachelorette-all-star-show-coming-to-abc/
Okay, must go bachelor blog now.
See for yourself:
http://tvwatch.people.com/2010/01/12/bachelor-bachelorette-all-star-show-coming-to-abc/
Okay, must go bachelor blog now.
Watch this space...
at some point today, I'll do the Bachelor Blog. Was in Buffalo all day yesterday so I couldn't make it happen.
More to come!
More to come!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The rest of it
The Bachelor, that is.
So. Time for Jakie Jake to get to know the ladies better. He claims he is "blown away by beauty." But he assures the camera "I want inner beauty." Uh huh. Right.
First thing he does is pull Ali in the yellow dress away for alone time. She is so excited by this she falls and rips her dress. She tells him she is afraid of flying and hasn't done so for eight years. Excellent match, ABC. She asks him what his top priorities are. He says "G-d. Family. Friends." Sounds like some kind of army slogan or something. Channey tells Jake her lovely landing strip sentence in Cambodian. Jake says "that's so purdy." And then she tells him what it means. You start to wonder if Jake even knows what a landing strip is. Outside of an airport, that is.
Meanwhile, the girls are getting to know each other. Christina notices that "lots of girls have their tatas out to play." Ashley the brunette decides to take things up a notch by dressing up in a vintage stewardess outfit that is literally up to her hoo-ha. All while telling Jake that she is working on her PHD.
Elizabeth the nanny is desperate to get attention so she grabs a football and challenges Jake to a game. Somehow this leads to a game with all the girls, blondes versus brunettes. I have a feeling that the brunettes should have been a much larger team if they were looking at people's roots. Jake plays quarterback for both teams. Which makes sense because some of the women are larger than him.
I know. I'm a height-ist. I can't help help. It's biological, I swear.
In case you care, the brunettes won. Insert your own blonde joke here.
Here a few observations from the night, or at least the night ABC wanted us to see. Michelle is freaking crazy. Crying, freaking out that "her husband Jake" is talking to other women. Rozlyn is beautiful but evil. Vienna likes to touch people. Lots of girls keep talking about their values which means you can bet no one's going to see any action this season. Tenly tells Jake ten things about her and then kisses him and then freaks out because he's only like the second guy she's ever kissed. Really? And then...
Jillian and Ed show up! Jillian in a disco ball of a dress. Why are they there? To help their dear pal make sense of all the ladies. You know Ed is psyched. He is taking notes. Or jotting down numbers, one or the other. They interview the ladies. Jillian dirty dances with one of them. What?
Okay. They reach their conclusions. Ed tells Jake he likes Elizabeth the nanny from Nebraska. Uh huh. I'll bet. Jillian likes Ella. Jake says "who goes?" Ed practically screams "Michelle! Not a good vibe!" Really? What gave you that impression? The bunny boiling away in the kitchen? Jake says thanks and ignores what they have to say.
He then gives Tenley the first impression rose and she is welling up with tears. Oh brother. These two are made for each other. You can see all the animals of the forest stitching her wedding gown as we speak.
Okay. Rose ceremony time. Tenley is safe. Here is the rest:
Rose #1 Ella
Rose #2 Elizabeth from Nebraska
Rose #3 Ali
Rose #4 Vienna
Rose #5 Christina
Rose #6 Gia
Rose #7 Ashley (brunette)
Rose #8 Rozlyn
Rose #9 Jessie
Rose #10 Corrie
Rose #11 Valisha
Rose #12 Asleigh (blonde)
Rose #13 Kathryn
Rose #14 Michelle (who sobs pathetically).
And then we get scenes for the upcoming season. In case you haven't heard in the news, some bachelorette on the show hooks up with a crew member which throws everyone into a tizzy. Hey, she certainly wasn't going to get any from Jake. Not surprisingly, there are lots of tears. And apparently, Jakie Jake gets so mad that he kicks something. What a badass.
And that's all, folks. Can't wait until next week....
Sorry so late. I apologize for any typos, too tired to read this again.
So. Time for Jakie Jake to get to know the ladies better. He claims he is "blown away by beauty." But he assures the camera "I want inner beauty." Uh huh. Right.
First thing he does is pull Ali in the yellow dress away for alone time. She is so excited by this she falls and rips her dress. She tells him she is afraid of flying and hasn't done so for eight years. Excellent match, ABC. She asks him what his top priorities are. He says "G-d. Family. Friends." Sounds like some kind of army slogan or something. Channey tells Jake her lovely landing strip sentence in Cambodian. Jake says "that's so purdy." And then she tells him what it means. You start to wonder if Jake even knows what a landing strip is. Outside of an airport, that is.
Meanwhile, the girls are getting to know each other. Christina notices that "lots of girls have their tatas out to play." Ashley the brunette decides to take things up a notch by dressing up in a vintage stewardess outfit that is literally up to her hoo-ha. All while telling Jake that she is working on her PHD.
Elizabeth the nanny is desperate to get attention so she grabs a football and challenges Jake to a game. Somehow this leads to a game with all the girls, blondes versus brunettes. I have a feeling that the brunettes should have been a much larger team if they were looking at people's roots. Jake plays quarterback for both teams. Which makes sense because some of the women are larger than him.
I know. I'm a height-ist. I can't help help. It's biological, I swear.
In case you care, the brunettes won. Insert your own blonde joke here.
Here a few observations from the night, or at least the night ABC wanted us to see. Michelle is freaking crazy. Crying, freaking out that "her husband Jake" is talking to other women. Rozlyn is beautiful but evil. Vienna likes to touch people. Lots of girls keep talking about their values which means you can bet no one's going to see any action this season. Tenly tells Jake ten things about her and then kisses him and then freaks out because he's only like the second guy she's ever kissed. Really? And then...
Jillian and Ed show up! Jillian in a disco ball of a dress. Why are they there? To help their dear pal make sense of all the ladies. You know Ed is psyched. He is taking notes. Or jotting down numbers, one or the other. They interview the ladies. Jillian dirty dances with one of them. What?
Okay. They reach their conclusions. Ed tells Jake he likes Elizabeth the nanny from Nebraska. Uh huh. I'll bet. Jillian likes Ella. Jake says "who goes?" Ed practically screams "Michelle! Not a good vibe!" Really? What gave you that impression? The bunny boiling away in the kitchen? Jake says thanks and ignores what they have to say.
He then gives Tenley the first impression rose and she is welling up with tears. Oh brother. These two are made for each other. You can see all the animals of the forest stitching her wedding gown as we speak.
Okay. Rose ceremony time. Tenley is safe. Here is the rest:
Rose #1 Ella
Rose #2 Elizabeth from Nebraska
Rose #3 Ali
Rose #4 Vienna
Rose #5 Christina
Rose #6 Gia
Rose #7 Ashley (brunette)
Rose #8 Rozlyn
Rose #9 Jessie
Rose #10 Corrie
Rose #11 Valisha
Rose #12 Asleigh (blonde)
Rose #13 Kathryn
Rose #14 Michelle (who sobs pathetically).
And then we get scenes for the upcoming season. In case you haven't heard in the news, some bachelorette on the show hooks up with a crew member which throws everyone into a tizzy. Hey, she certainly wasn't going to get any from Jake. Not surprisingly, there are lots of tears. And apparently, Jakie Jake gets so mad that he kicks something. What a badass.
And that's all, folks. Can't wait until next week....
Sorry so late. I apologize for any typos, too tired to read this again.
Bachelor Round-Up "You can land your plane on my landing strip anytime..."
"Just smile for me and let the day begin
You are the sunshine that lights my heat within
I'm sure that you're an angel in disguise
Come take my hand and together we will rise
On the wings of love
Up and above the clouds
The only way to fly
Is on the wings of love
On the wings of love
Only the two of us
Together flying high
Flying high
Upon the wings of love..."
Seriously. Doesn't it make you throw up in your mouth a little?
And yet. The producers at ABC thought this was a good theme song for our new Bachelor, Jake.
Anyone else get the feeling they were trying to rip off "Top Gun" in the beginning of The Bachelor last night? Just Jakie Jake, a real man's man if I ever saw one, wearing his Aviator glasses taking off down the highway on his motorcycle. At one point, he pauses. And...cue the sunset! Cue the birds! Cue Jake's sculptured jawline! Jake is just like Maverick! At this point in the game, is Tom Cruise really the man you want to emulate??
Let me start by saying this...I like Jake. I do. He is a little too earnest, sincere and squeaky clean for his own good. But. There is something about these qualities that are also incredibly endearing. Of course, he has such high moral standards that I'm not sure any woman is ever going to measure up. And I'm pretty certain he might iron his underwear. That being said, I'm sure he looks really nice doing it.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
What did we learn last night? Well, for starters...there will be a lot of tears this season. Or almost tears. You know the kind. Like when your eyes well up but don't actually overflow. Picture Emilio Estevez in "The Breakfast Club" when he's talking about his dad. You know what I mean. Last night, as Jake talked about meeting his future wife, he did that almost-tears thing and said "I'm going to walk out of here with a fiance." I checked the clock. It was only 8:05. Five minutes into the show and we already had tears. It was going to be a long night.
Or as about 8 or 9 bachelorettes said last night "It's going to be a bumpy ride." Seriously, ABC, how many more of these pilot puns are we going to have endure this season?
So we briefly meet some of the bachelorettes as they prepare to come on the show. A few highlights...Ali, a pretty blonde who's last boyfriend used to sneak out of her room while she was sleeping to have relations with her roommate. Alexa "I love straddling my Harley." Tenley "I played Arielle, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella in Disney World, teee-hee...and I just know my prince is waiting for me." Christina is "a guy's girl and I'm a little bitchy." Vienna the Paris Hilton-Wanna-Be who totes her little dog Chloe around everywhere who has a "daddy who bought me like five cars because I keep crashing them." Elizabeth the nanny from Nebraska who looks like Courtney Cox with fake boobs. Gia is a "fitness model"...which I think means you have an excellent body but face, not so much. Emily is also a fit model. Is this a popular occupation? How does one become one? There's Tiana, who I thought was Disney's newest princess (she is in my house) but on the Bachelor, it means you are a tall blonde Canadian who considers herself old at age 31.
All right. Next Maverick, er, Jake pulls up at the Bachelor Mansion on his motorcycle. The driveway is wet as usual. Why is it always wet? This is Southern California, for G-d's sake. Chris the Dork Harrison and Jake have a little sit-down together. Jake's eyes well up AGAIN as he says his parents still hold hands in the grocery store and he's haunted by loneliness. Chris Harrison says "I hear you have a lot of first dates but not seconds." Jake's lower lip starts to tremble.
And then it's time to meet the ladies! Here are some initial impressions, so you can keep them all straight:
First girl out is Rozlyn. She is beautiful in a truly unexceptional way. She looks like a much skinner, not as interesting Scarlet Johanson. She is also the first to say "fasten your seat belt, it's going to be a bumpy ride." Ha ha. Good one.
Next up...Emily. She is tiny with dark hair, green eyes, green dress and teeth like Chicklets.
Next is Ali, a cute blonde in a very yellow dress. She tickles Jake with a peacock feather. He seems thrilled.
Jessie. A slim brunette with curly hair and a bit of a deer-in-the-headlights stare. She touches Jake's arm and says "do you have a registry for those guns?" Oy.
Next is our Disney princess, Tenley. She pops out of the limo and a trail of bluebirds follow her singing. She also looks a lot like Christina Applegate.
Next is Ella, the hairstylist from Knoxville with a son. She does that neat little trick of "hey what's on your shirt" and then knocks Jake in the nose. Some people find that endearing. I think it is seriously annoying.
Next up is Kathryn, a blonde flight attendant in a very fluffy purple dress.
Next is Caitlyn, who I forgot existed until I just checked my notes. She is a brunette in a blue sparkly dress who I literally never saw again for the rest of the show.
Then there is Elizabeth, the air captain who is about as serious as a heart attack. She asks Jake if he prefers to be called Jacob.
Alexa is a blonde wearing motorcycle gloves. We don't see much of her after this either.
Then there is Vienna, the Paris Wannabe. She gets out and touches Jake's abs. She is blond and kinda cross-eyed.
Next is Corrie from Kissimmee. This is a town close to Orlando. She also charms Jake by saying "what do you think about kissimmee?" He blushes and then she explains herself. Big laughs shared by all.
Then there is Kimberly, a dancer from Oklahoma. Not very memorable except for...hmm. That's all I got.
Then there is Valishia, who is a brunette in a red dress who gives Jake some dirt from Texas.
Next is Gia, the fitness model who also owns a hair salon. I found her mouth kinda distracting but she has a certain look.
Then there is Elizabeth the nanny from Nebraska. Again...picture Courtney Cox with freckles.
There's Channy, wearing a very short yellow dress that barely covers her landing strip. At least that's what she tells him in Cambodian.
There's the brunette Ashley, a teacher in a pink dress.
And then there is Tiana, the fake blonde from Canada who reminded me of Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter.
Dear G-d, does this ever end??? I've been writing this for almost an hour now and I'm still not done.
Next is Christina, who comes carrying jellybeans as parting gifts for all the girls because she is sure she will win. Way to make friends, Christina.
Then there is blonde Ashleigh, who trips and winds up in the Bachelor's arms. I don't think she faked it, it was a pretty big trip.
Next is Kirsten, a blond waitress. I don't think we see her again.
Next up is Stephanie in a short gold dress. She is a dance coach.
Then there is Sheila, who walks up in aviator glasses because hey, she's an aviator too. Never mind that it looks like crap with an evening gown.
And finally, there is Michelle, who acts like a airplane as she gets out of the limo. Does it sound stupid? Yup, it was.
Okay. Well. I think I'm going to need to take a break now. I've got to do some work before I leave so tune in later for the rest. More to come!
You are the sunshine that lights my heat within
I'm sure that you're an angel in disguise
Come take my hand and together we will rise
On the wings of love
Up and above the clouds
The only way to fly
Is on the wings of love
On the wings of love
Only the two of us
Together flying high
Flying high
Upon the wings of love..."
Seriously. Doesn't it make you throw up in your mouth a little?
And yet. The producers at ABC thought this was a good theme song for our new Bachelor, Jake.
Anyone else get the feeling they were trying to rip off "Top Gun" in the beginning of The Bachelor last night? Just Jakie Jake, a real man's man if I ever saw one, wearing his Aviator glasses taking off down the highway on his motorcycle. At one point, he pauses. And...cue the sunset! Cue the birds! Cue Jake's sculptured jawline! Jake is just like Maverick! At this point in the game, is Tom Cruise really the man you want to emulate??
Let me start by saying this...I like Jake. I do. He is a little too earnest, sincere and squeaky clean for his own good. But. There is something about these qualities that are also incredibly endearing. Of course, he has such high moral standards that I'm not sure any woman is ever going to measure up. And I'm pretty certain he might iron his underwear. That being said, I'm sure he looks really nice doing it.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
What did we learn last night? Well, for starters...there will be a lot of tears this season. Or almost tears. You know the kind. Like when your eyes well up but don't actually overflow. Picture Emilio Estevez in "The Breakfast Club" when he's talking about his dad. You know what I mean. Last night, as Jake talked about meeting his future wife, he did that almost-tears thing and said "I'm going to walk out of here with a fiance." I checked the clock. It was only 8:05. Five minutes into the show and we already had tears. It was going to be a long night.
Or as about 8 or 9 bachelorettes said last night "It's going to be a bumpy ride." Seriously, ABC, how many more of these pilot puns are we going to have endure this season?
So we briefly meet some of the bachelorettes as they prepare to come on the show. A few highlights...Ali, a pretty blonde who's last boyfriend used to sneak out of her room while she was sleeping to have relations with her roommate. Alexa "I love straddling my Harley." Tenley "I played Arielle, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella in Disney World, teee-hee...and I just know my prince is waiting for me." Christina is "a guy's girl and I'm a little bitchy." Vienna the Paris Hilton-Wanna-Be who totes her little dog Chloe around everywhere who has a "daddy who bought me like five cars because I keep crashing them." Elizabeth the nanny from Nebraska who looks like Courtney Cox with fake boobs. Gia is a "fitness model"...which I think means you have an excellent body but face, not so much. Emily is also a fit model. Is this a popular occupation? How does one become one? There's Tiana, who I thought was Disney's newest princess (she is in my house) but on the Bachelor, it means you are a tall blonde Canadian who considers herself old at age 31.
All right. Next Maverick, er, Jake pulls up at the Bachelor Mansion on his motorcycle. The driveway is wet as usual. Why is it always wet? This is Southern California, for G-d's sake. Chris the Dork Harrison and Jake have a little sit-down together. Jake's eyes well up AGAIN as he says his parents still hold hands in the grocery store and he's haunted by loneliness. Chris Harrison says "I hear you have a lot of first dates but not seconds." Jake's lower lip starts to tremble.
And then it's time to meet the ladies! Here are some initial impressions, so you can keep them all straight:
First girl out is Rozlyn. She is beautiful in a truly unexceptional way. She looks like a much skinner, not as interesting Scarlet Johanson. She is also the first to say "fasten your seat belt, it's going to be a bumpy ride." Ha ha. Good one.
Next up...Emily. She is tiny with dark hair, green eyes, green dress and teeth like Chicklets.
Next is Ali, a cute blonde in a very yellow dress. She tickles Jake with a peacock feather. He seems thrilled.
Jessie. A slim brunette with curly hair and a bit of a deer-in-the-headlights stare. She touches Jake's arm and says "do you have a registry for those guns?" Oy.
Next is our Disney princess, Tenley. She pops out of the limo and a trail of bluebirds follow her singing. She also looks a lot like Christina Applegate.
Next is Ella, the hairstylist from Knoxville with a son. She does that neat little trick of "hey what's on your shirt" and then knocks Jake in the nose. Some people find that endearing. I think it is seriously annoying.
Next up is Kathryn, a blonde flight attendant in a very fluffy purple dress.
Next is Caitlyn, who I forgot existed until I just checked my notes. She is a brunette in a blue sparkly dress who I literally never saw again for the rest of the show.
Then there is Elizabeth, the air captain who is about as serious as a heart attack. She asks Jake if he prefers to be called Jacob.
Alexa is a blonde wearing motorcycle gloves. We don't see much of her after this either.
Then there is Vienna, the Paris Wannabe. She gets out and touches Jake's abs. She is blond and kinda cross-eyed.
Next is Corrie from Kissimmee. This is a town close to Orlando. She also charms Jake by saying "what do you think about kissimmee?" He blushes and then she explains herself. Big laughs shared by all.
Then there is Kimberly, a dancer from Oklahoma. Not very memorable except for...hmm. That's all I got.
Then there is Valishia, who is a brunette in a red dress who gives Jake some dirt from Texas.
Next is Gia, the fitness model who also owns a hair salon. I found her mouth kinda distracting but she has a certain look.
Then there is Elizabeth the nanny from Nebraska. Again...picture Courtney Cox with freckles.
There's Channy, wearing a very short yellow dress that barely covers her landing strip. At least that's what she tells him in Cambodian.
There's the brunette Ashley, a teacher in a pink dress.
And then there is Tiana, the fake blonde from Canada who reminded me of Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter.
Dear G-d, does this ever end??? I've been writing this for almost an hour now and I'm still not done.
Next is Christina, who comes carrying jellybeans as parting gifts for all the girls because she is sure she will win. Way to make friends, Christina.
Then there is blonde Ashleigh, who trips and winds up in the Bachelor's arms. I don't think she faked it, it was a pretty big trip.
Next is Kirsten, a blond waitress. I don't think we see her again.
Next up is Stephanie in a short gold dress. She is a dance coach.
Then there is Sheila, who walks up in aviator glasses because hey, she's an aviator too. Never mind that it looks like crap with an evening gown.
And finally, there is Michelle, who acts like a airplane as she gets out of the limo. Does it sound stupid? Yup, it was.
Okay. Well. I think I'm going to need to take a break now. I've got to do some work before I leave so tune in later for the rest. More to come!
"You can land your plane on my landing strip anytime."
The great thing about the Bachelor? There is never a shortage of dumb quotes. Ever.
I have high hopes for this season, folks. But let me say...with all the talk about values and morals, it's going to be a PG-rated season. I think Harry Potter may be steamier than this.
Still. I'll totally be watching.
More to come later.
I have high hopes for this season, folks. But let me say...with all the talk about values and morals, it's going to be a PG-rated season. I think Harry Potter may be steamier than this.
Still. I'll totally be watching.
More to come later.
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