Top Gun---the gayest movie ever?

Couldn't sleep last night. Top Gun was on. Haven't seen it since I was like 14. Still have no idea what happens in all the flying sequences. That's okay. The movies all about abs.

Someone just informed me if you go onto youtube and type in "gay topgun" all these examples will come up of why it's gay. Let's start with the volleyball game....sweaty men smacking each other around to Kenny Loggins. My favorite bit is when Maverick checks his watch and flexes his arm at the same time. IceMan...gayer than gay trying to make Maverick gay. Goose is gay but pretending to be straight and married.

Give it a look. It will open your eyes. And your ears to Kenny Loggins. Who knew he did anything beyond Footloose?

It's the Boom-Chicka-Wow-Wow Night...

on the Bachelorette.

3 guys. 3 overnight dates. 2 hours of softcore ABC.

Be sure to check it out...and get your picks in!

N

Terrible and getting worse

This is an actual quote from someone I know when asked how he felt. The truth is, this person's misery has little to do with health. There are sicker people who might answer differently.

I come from a long line of people expecting the worst yet hoping for the best. Hence why I'm convinced every little ache and pain is some exotic disease. I think pregnancy might me hyper this way; back then, when something little seemed wrong, it was always something big.

So once I stopped being pregnant, the aches and pains continued. It was only my body slowly cranking back into gear. But I thought I had everything. And got tested for it all. And you know what? Thank G-d it was all in my head. So I've decided, I am healthy. And that's how I'm going to stay.

Don't worry. I'm not going to be one of those people who tells you "smile!" Because those people ought to be slapped. How dare they demand that I smile? These are also inevitably the people who, on the very day when you have a spring in your step and your hair is behaving, informs you that you look tired.

Watch for these folks. They are same ones who chirp out cheeful little ditties such as "Fridays almost here!" and "working hard and hardly working!" The next time one of them asks you "how you doin?" you have full permission to say "Terrible. And getting worse." It'll give 'em something to talk about with the next poor sap they see in the elevator.

Enjoy your Monday.

Bachelorette Round-Up "She talks too fast to be from Georgia..."

So first of all...I missed part of the beginning of the show. Dude, this 8’o clock start time is killing me. While Deanna was on her hometown date with Jesse, my girl was yelling “more mimi (milk) please!”

But it looks like I didn’t meet that much. When I walked in, Jesse was snowboarding and Deanna was hanging on for dear life. It sounds like he was trying to convince her snow is fun. Ha. Good luck, buddy. Southern girls don’t dig snow. I’ve been in New York for 15 years and I still don’t like it. Not that I am a true Southerner….anyway….

So Jesse explains that he has not yet kissed Deanna because he “wants to build a foundation first.” Okay. Look friend, it’s just a kiss. Don’t overthink it. The longer you wait, the more there is riding on it. So you better be good at what you’ve been making her wait for.

Jesse shows her his cute little apartment “which is small like me.” Okay. Not the best comparison you could make especially before the boom-chicka-wow-wow dates. Then Jesse’s parents show up, his dad wearing a weird hat with hair attached. Dad is even sporting a bolo. Still, his parents are little bit hippie-dippy but extremely sweet; they both tell Deanna it took them 12 years to have a child! Mom also says “she’d give her life for him.” Deanna assures the mom that “whatever happens in the end, she’s lucky to have met Jesse.” Uh oh. Not so reassuring after all. Jesse tells his father that he’s not ready to get married yet. His father tells him to be open. Okay…

So next Jesse and Deanna go on a horse-and-buggy ride and they finally snog. Didn’t look all that impressive to me. Certainly not worth waiting six weeks for.

Next day, Deanna’s off to Dallas to see Jeremy’s life. He picks her up via motorcycle and they go for a ride. Deanna thinks he looks hot on the motorcycle. She’s even more excited when she sees his amazing apartment. She says “I have to admit, with him I’d have the perfect life; perfect house, perfect man, perfect dog.” Only thing about Jeremy’s house is it’s very….organized. Everything has it’s place. Even the bar exam is plastered on his wall. You get the feeling it isn’t much fun being Jeremy.

By the way, anyone notice the dog glaring at Deanna like “stay away from my man.” Jeremy and the dog seem a bit co-dependent on each other and the dog is sensing she’s about to get the old heave-ho.

So to lighten the mood, Jeremy busts out the photo album and shows off pictures of his deceased mother. The weepfest continues as he reads his journal entries from his mother’s deathbed. Am I the only one who felt this was inappropriate for reality television?

Next up, Jeremy’s brothers stop by to check Deanna out. One of his brothers is married to a woman who also lost her mother. Not that you can help what happens to you in life but…geez, this is a morose bunch. They need to go do karaoke or something to lighten things up.

Jeremy’s brothers then rake Deanna over the coals about her intentions. She says “he is everything I’ve ever looked for and I’m scared to death.” The brother look a bit pale and squishy compared to sculpted Jeremy but as we all know, genetics are a tricky game.
Jeremy tells Deanna…”I want you but I also need you.” Poor thing is looking for a new mother. Deanna says “he is determined, loving affectionate and everything fits right into place.” Hmmm. Beware of things that seem too perfect, I always say.

Next up, she is off to Seattle to meet Jason. Jason runs up to her and she doesn’t look all the impressed. How can he compete with Perfect Man in Dallas? By the way, anyone catch that Deanna had no idea what the Space Needle was in Seattle? How does she not know what this is? Did she never watch Frazier?

Dee is all nervous about meeting Jason’s son Ty. Though she tells him “she wants 3 children before she’s 30.” Uh huh. Spoken like someone who has never had children before. She says “I want little people.” Careful what you wish for…

And then ABC does some of the cheesiest, most shameless TV I’ve ever seen. They have Ty and Jason running towards each other and then falling into the grass together. The music rises into a crescendo and Deanna is bawling. Shameless, I tell you. Then the two of them do an Obama-like fist bump.

Meanwhile, Deanna is totally into it. She says “that was it for me, it all fit into place. Seeing Jason with his child, it’s what anyone could wish for. I already see he’s a wonderful father.”

They then spend the day together in the park and she says “this experience made me a different person…I felt like we were a family. No one think they want to be a stepmother but I very possibly could be.”

Oh and by the way, Ty was in the same carseat my daughter has. A cowprint. Just in case you care.

I do have to say….if Deanna doesn’t pick Jason, I wonder if he will regret pimping out his son like this? Not sure I think it’s cool to do that if nothing’s a done deal yet. Though of course in real life, it is a done deal. Hmmmm…..

Jason’s family are all really warm and friendly and even cook Greek food for Deanna. Deanna says “this is just like my family.” Then for some reason they all start Greek dancing even though I’m pretty sure they’re not Greek. And then if that isn’t enough school spirit, Jason’s clan starts playing leapfrog in the backyard. Holy crap, people still do this? Are they going to get out the potato sacks next? Do an egg toss? Three legged races?

Still, they're fun. I'll take them over the mopey bunch in Dallas anyday. The only sad part is when Jason has to say good-bye to Ty again and he starts to bawl. Deanna's crying, his parents are crying, I'm crying...what?! How can I be crying??? This is the Bachelorette and I have a heart of stone. I guess I can relate. Next thing you know I'll be sobbing at Hallmark commercials. Man, I'm getting soft in my old age.

Anyway, Deanna says she could "see spending the rest of her life with jason." Of course, this is before she goes to Raleigh and has her mitts all over Graham. Girlfriend can't keep her hands off him. She even says so herself.

Now. Most of us have dated someone like Graham at one point in our lives. You know, the guy who is hot and cold, who makes you work for him, who is well, kind of a jerk but you like him anyway. It's for the masochist in all of us. Mine's name was Andrew and sooner or later, I got smart and that was it. You can only stand yourself for so long in a situation like this. Hence...the hometown date with Graham.

It goes like this. She watches Graham play basketball. She attempts to play him in basketball. Considering he used to be a professional, not terribly much fun. Then she goes to meet the parents. Mom talks. Dad, not so much. Mom shows off Graham's trophies, not to mention an incredibly awkward middle school photo. Seriously, most children should just not be photographed between ages 12-14.

Then Graham's mom has alone time with Dee.

Dee: You think Graham's ready for a relationship/marriage?

Mom: Finding someone who lasts pasat 4 weeks is hard for Graham. He's a loner.

Dee: I think I'm falling for him more than he's falling for me.

Mom: You need to pick the decision that's right for you.

All righty, then. Mom knows her son sucks. She's trying to warn Deeanna. Deeanna gets upset and tries to get Graham to talk. Only he slouches and sits there on a park bench, silent.

Dee: What's going on in your head.

Crickets.

Dee: You okay? You handle things differently than me.

Grahm: I handle things internally.

Dee: You're closed off.

G: This is how I am.

He then slouches off and leaves her on the bench. Now, who's up for a lifetime of this? Raise your hands, now. Yeah. I thought so.

And then for some reason, ABC treats us to 10 WHOLE MINUTES OF PROMOTING THE STUPIDEST LOOKING SHOW ALIVE WHERE PEOPLE GO THROUGH OBSTACLE COURSES. WHY, ABC, WHY???? This show will suck. Why must I see people trying to avoid getting thrown in mud?

Okay. Back to the Bachelorette, thank goodness. Rose ceremony time. Here's how it pans out:

Rose #1 Jesse...dressed like Sonny Crockett for some reason.

Rose #2..Jeremy

Rose #3...Jason, wearing a tie he borrowed from his accountant

So Graham gets the boot! She walks him out, visibly more upset than he is. She says "in the end, I feel like you were letting me on...you have no idea how hard this is for me. I am saying goodbye to the one person I thought I was in love with.

And then Graham does the move that just kills me...he gives her a letter with all of his feelings in it! What a passive aggressive move...he knows this will just slay her. He says "I hope you'll read it someday." Of course she will! She reads it the second you are in the limo, you tool! Because women just can't resist. A glutton for punishment, I'm telling you.

And does Graham cry in the limo? No! Why? Because he's got a cold, cold heart. I seriously think he needs a kick in the extra long, very hairy shins. Meanwhile, Dee sat there crying her eyes out. Poor thing.

And for the very first time in this whole show, I finally got Deanna. Finally.

Next week, it's the boom-chicka-wow-wow dates which is always very exciting. Previews show Jesse trying to be all good and forgoing the fantasy suite. Oh dear.

Sorry this is so late. Kristin Bradley is still in the lead in the online game, btw.

Have a good one,
N

"She talks too fast to be from Georgia..."

This from Graham's dad last night. The Bunn family is not a talkative bunch.

Good show, I thought. A little overwrought, but fun.

More to come.

N

Don't forget...

Bachelorette is on at 8 tonight. It's the hometown dates, which should prove interesting.

I also got my first rejection from an agent. Always a great way to start a Monday...

Anyway, happy bachelorette-ing tonight.

N

Where my peeps at?

So. Before I had a baby, I was under the impression I'd be joining some kind of a club. You know, the parents' club. Where we'd all hang out together bemoaning our lack of sleep, etc. That I'd instantly have a bunch of new mom friends to go to the park with and have playdates with. And drink wine with.

It's been 22 months. Where my peeps at?

Mind you, I'm not a stay-at-home mom. If I was, I'm sure I'd know more people in the neighborhood. Join a mommy group. Take mommy-baby yoga. Something. But I'm not. So I guess these parents' clubs only exist for people who are actually in the neighborhood during the day.

I see them all hanging out together on weekends. Their kids all know each other and greet each other on the playground. A. just looks at them, like hey, can't I join your party? In case I need more to feel guilty about.

It's not like A. doesn't have friends. Quite the contrary. She knows more people in our neighborhood than we do. Thanks to our friendly nanny, she's got a whole circle of pals who also have nannies. So she talks about Jack and Teddy and the whole crew and goes to their birthday parties. But I've never met them. I suppose I could try to hunt them down via my nanny. But that would require a whole lot of time and energy I don't have.

Maybe once A. goes to school, that's when I'll find my peeps. The parents-with-kids-in-school club. That must be it.

But in case there are other peeps out there like me, come find me on the 9th Street playground. We'll be the ones on the swings. By ourselves.

The Bachelorette Round-Up "He's a good mutant but a mutant nonetheless."

Okay. So. The first part of last night's show was an interview with Deanna. Chris our Invisible Host sits down with her and actually speaks. Does she shed new light on anything? No. Does she blink a lot? Yes. Was she blinded by the sparkles on her wanna-be prom dress? Quite possibly.

I will admit that I did not see all that much of the first hour of the show last night. That is because our girl decided that Daddy could not possibly put her down to her liking. Of course, once I got in there, she decided she actually preferred Daddy. And so it goes.

Anyway...the snippets from Deanna hour included her talking about being grossed out by Robert, not being attracted to Rich and defending her treatment of Fred. We also got to see Trista the Bachelorette pimping out her kid AGAIN and simpering about Ryan. Best part of the show was seeing what our pal Sean the Hick's life is life back at home. Homie's got a 5 bedroom house a block away from his mama. He also has a closet full of namebrands, LV luggage, a tanning booth and several tricked out cars. In case you are still wondering if he's an idiot, he's got a Hummer. Nuff said.

My favorite part of the show was the shots of Ron getting rid of SEan's mullet. Or as Jesse puts it "business upfront and a party in the back." Love that.

So the real show starts with Deanna taking all the guys with her to Palm Springs for a week. Sean gets the first alone date. He says he's like "a Kentucky racehorse...hanging back but now I'm making my move." He and Deanna are going up a mountain via a cable car and she is seriously freaking out. Then they eat dinner overlooking the mountains. He tells her "you are the piece I need in my life." They snuggle in a hammock and kiss, though Deanna doesn't look like she enjoys it that much.

Next day, group date. The guys are going out on ATC's. Goin' muddin'. Or in this case, sanding. If you ever for a second doubted whether or not Deanna is a redneck...this answers it. Girlie is in her element. Twilley is not. He almost pukes on the helicopter and can't seem to open/close the helicopter doors. He also can't seem to drive the ATC. As Deanns put it...Twilley is just in his own little world.

And then they all jump in the pool. Jason and Deeanna have alone time, where he tells her he is just like his mother and knows how to love. Jesse holds hands with DEanna but can't seem to work up the chutzpah to smooch her. She leans in and practically purses her lips. Nothing.

And then Graham steals her away and they smooch like no tomorrow. These two are all over each other. Jason sees it and it makes him nervous. Deanna says "there's something about Graham...I'm like a giddy schoolgirl."

Next up is a date with Jeremy. They go and hang out at Frank Sinatra's old house in the HOllywood Hills. Kinda cool. Until they attempt to sing. Nooooooo. Back away from the mic, friends. Stick to dancing and kissing. There you go. Jeremy then peels off his shirt because there cannot be one show where his abs do not get screen time. Deanna says "he's the perfect guy...there's no way I could ask for more from him." Hmmmm....there's got to be some catch...is ABC setting us up for something?

Cocktail party time. Only...there is no cocktail party. Because Deanna has made her choice and doesn't want to face the guys. She's got weird soap opera hair tonight...kinda scary. Here's how it went down

Rose #1...Jeremy...working a nice gray suit

Rose #2...Jason...who runs up to her

Rose #3...Graham...she beams at him

Rose #4...Jesse

The country boys are out! Twilly says "I'm not a supermodel...I'm just Twilley...I've got a unique personality that can be a little much." Uh..yeah. Sean seems bummed but I'm sure a ride around in his hummer blasting Molly Hatchett will help beat the blues.

Next week...Deanna goes to the guys hometown. Best quote so far looks to be from Graham's mom who says "It's difficult for someone to last past 4 weeks with Graham." Uh oh....dum, dum, dum!! The drama!

BTW...Kristin Bradly-Green is still in the lead in the rose ceremony game...go Kristin!

Until next week...
N

"He's a good mutant but a mutant nonetheless..."

Words of wisdom from our good friend Twilley. That's the last we'll see of him.

Sean got the boot too. Bye, bye rednecks.

More to come later.

Nan

Tonight's the night...

Twilley's got to go. Hopefully it will be tonight.

If you're playing the online game, get your picks in today!

Enjoy the show...remember, starts at 8.

n

Overthinking my high school reunion

Yes, I am that old. How did that even happen? I swear I was 16 like 5 minutes ago.

Turns out, I am old enough to have a 20-year high school reunion coming up this July. Mmmm. Nothing like South Florida in the dead heat of summer. Really an appealing place to be. Thanks, high school reunion planners. I suppose they assume that no one has left the state. That reason alone is enough to make me not want to go.

Here's the thing. I went to the 10 year reunion. I wore the shortest dress I could find and ate a really crappy rubber chicken dinner. I remember saying to my friends, "Guys, take a good look at me. Because you won't be seeing me at the 20-year-reunion." Not that it was so painful. But it still felt like we were in high school. Not enough time had gone by or something. Everyone pretty much looked and acted the same. It made me want to hop on the next plane to New York.

But when the 20-year notice came up...I gave some thought. It would be good to see some of my very closest friends who are scattered to the wind. It would be nice to catch up and see what everyone's made of their lives. And then I went on the Classmates website. Big mistake.

There were pictures up from the 20-year reunion from the Cooper City High class of '87. I scanned through them, incredulous. Who were these old people? Why were they wearing frumpy clothes? Could that really be the most popular boy in school? How the hell did everyone get so old? And worse, did that mean I looked like that too?

No no no no no no no no no. I covered my eyes, shutting out the images of the Homecoming Queen looking like somebody's mother. Never mind that I am somebody's mother.

Let's get this straight. I did not love high school. Mediocrity was worshipped. Conformity was king. That being said, I prefer to keep high school—and all the people in it—in this little time warp. Where the hair was big, the music comprised of electronic drum machines and everyone was young and hopeful. I don't want to come face to face with the reality of expanded waistlines, unrealized dreams and inevitable sickness/death.

Does this make me a weak person for not wanting to know the truth? Perhaps. But if I choose to live in my fantasy world, so be it. The friends that I do stay in touch with from high school, I want to know the truth about. But everyone else, well, I want to keep them just how they are in my mind.

I wish everyone well. Just from far, far away.

Bachelor Round-Up..."I'm dropping the hammer, baby.."

Let's just talk for a second about having a "type." I don't really think I personally have one. Though back when I was dating I always preferred a taller guy. Smart is helpful. So is a sense of humor. There. I'm done. I guess I do have a type.

That being said...there's a whole lot out there that isn't my type. Like guys who wear ugly striped suits. Consider themselves hicks. Enjoy martial arts or car racing. Apparently, this is EXACTLY Deanna's type. As some of my more Southern friends would say (Dana and Elizabeth)...bless her heart.

Deanna does not know how to be a good bachelorette. You'll see why in this round-up. What she needs is me to go out to LA and clean house for her. G-d knows she's doing a crap job of it.

So the show starts out with the guys having to write Deanna a love song. What a painful exercise. And also...doesn't make for such great tv. Lots of guys sitting around moaning and trying to make things rhyme, not so exciting. Then the men get up to perform for Deanna. Lots of people may have been watching the guys. I was watching Deanna, totally distracted by the FACT THAT SHE WAS WEARING UGGS. Dude, what is she...some little sixteen-year-old mall rat? Who wears them anymore? And in LA when it's hot? Sigh.

I digress. So...most of the guys suck at singing except for Robert who thinks he's good when in fact, he sucks too. Twilley does something that only he thinks is funny. Brian does something that he thinks is heartfelt but is, in fact, funny. Jesse is the one who wins this challenge because not only is the song not too bad, every other word is "Deanna" and safe to say she likes hearing her name a lot.

So Jesse wins a date night with Deanna. ABC gives him a suit so he doesn't embarrass himself with one of his usual get-ups. Deanna is trying to figure out if "Jesse is husband material for me...he's fun but is he just a friend?" They take a limo to a theater where Natasha Beningfield performs just for them. Is it me or do you think there is no way Natasha Beningfield is the usual music Jesse listens too?

They slow dance and talk about each other's habits/traits. Really stimulating stuff. For example:

Deanna: So are you stubborn?

Jesse (channeling Sean Penn in Fast Times): FER SURE!

You get the idea. It seems like Deanna wants to be into this guy but doesn't seem as though she really is. They just don't look like a couple to me. Next!

Next day, it's a group date. Six guys are going...Brian, Jeremy, Twilley, Sean, Jason and Graham. They are going to the slot car races and the guys are stoked. Lots of testosterone and high fives and chest bumps and the like. All the guys are going to race around the track and whoever goes the fastest, gets some alone time with Deanna. Poor Brian can barely fit in the car and has a few false starts. Eventually, he gets up to speed. I'm not even trying to do puns; they just come so fast and furious with this date...

Okay. Sean the Big Old Hick wins this challenge. Apparently, he and his good old boys race muscle cars back home. Why does this not surprise me in the least? Of course, this is not before Deanna takes a turn in the car, burns rubber and beats all of their scores. Go speed racer, go....

Deanna and Sean sit on the grass with all the bugs and discuss how much they have in common. Deanna tells him she lived in Kentucky for a while which apparently puts her that much closer to goddess in Sean's mind. He says "we have a bluegrass connection" and "we're both rednecks." She seems to agree. C'mon, ABC...where's the Deliverance music when we need it?

And then Deanna has alone time with some of the other guys. Jeremy lets her know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Graham interrupts and the two of them get into some kind of a tiff. She's totally all over him, rubbing his furry arms and asking him for a kiss. To which Graham says "I don't want to be one of the bunch." Dude. If you don't want to be one of the bunch, don't sign on for a reality dating show! She gets all pissy which is always a sure sign that you like someone. Jason is the only one who seems to pick up on this.

Next day, the guys decide to throw a bbq so they can all hang out with Deanna. Only...none of them are hanging out with Deanna. Robert goes into the house to mope and Graham is avoiding her. In truth, the little hissy fit she throws is really because she's not getting what she wants from Graham. But instead, she yells at all the guys and tells them if they don't want to hang out then go home. Then she leaves.

Of course, that night she has a two-on-one date with Robert and Fred. Robert has obviously not started it all off on the best foot. Still, he seems confident that she will choose him. Note that whoever gets the rose on this date will stay and whoever doesn't goes home.

The guys take a limo to dinner with Deanna. Robert keeps trying to outdo Fred with his show-offy tales. Robert makes me ill. He's not cute and thinks he is and prides himself on being a great kisser. I don't know where all this confidence came from but it's annoying. When he finally gets alone time with Deanna, he informs her how much chemistry they have and tries to kiss her. She shifts around so he is forced to plant one on her cheek. She says "I had to dodge Robert." Yikes.

And then she has alone time with Fred the lawyer who literally begins to plead his case. Poor Fred. Nice enough guy but just not cute. She tells him "you're sweet Fred." But you just know her heart's not in it.

Okay. Rose time. She tells Robert "I need to say goodbye to you." Fred takes a big gulp of wine, happy he's going to get to stay. But no. Just as the poor boy relaxes a bit she tells him "I think you're amazing but....I don't see forever with you and I can't lead you on." She totally pulls a Brad! She thinks she isn't but she should have just told them at the same time so Fred wouldn't think he was okay. When the guys back at the house see that both guys are going home, they really freak out. Brian looks as though he might cry.

Let's talk about Bri-bri. Tall, handsome, loves to hang with the guys...hmmmm. Is he really here for the guys? Just a thought. Anyone with me?

Deanna is upset when she comes home from her date with Fred and Robert and falls into Jason's arms. You just know this guy loves being the one there to comfort her. There, there...let daddy make it alllllll better....

And finally...it's cocktail party time. To lighten the mood, Deanna suggests they all strip down and go swimming. They do. And then Chris our Invisible Friendly Ghost Host comes out and makes them have a rose ceremony. Only one guy is leaving and that is poor Bri-Bri. Unbelievably...Twilley is still around! How is this happening? And that, my friends, is why Deanna IS a redneck. Only a redneck would find Twilley charming. I meanwhile picture him in a big ole truck with a wad of chaw in his mouth. Shudder.

Next week...we're down to the final 6. Jesse, Jeremy, Jason, Twilley, Sean and Graham. Apparently, Jeremy, Sean and Graham all make their moves. Girlfriend is going to be mighty busy....stay tuned. Oh...and at 8pm next week...we get to hear directly from Deanna....if you think you can stomach it. Better eat dinner first.

That's it, friends. Enjoy the week. Keep cool.

N

"I'm dropping the hammer, baby..."

Is this a racing term and I just don't know it? Or a hick term meant to be screamed out when you're racing slot cars?

Either way, I am so out of my element. No wonder I can't figure out who this bachelorette will choose.

How do you know you're a redneck? When you don't flinch if someone calls you one. Didn't bother Deanna a bit. Yee-haw.

More to come later.

N

Don't forget...Bachelorette starts at 8 tonight...

who knows why but it totally coincides with A.'s bedtime, which sucks for me. Apparently, they need to make room for that strangely named show The Mole. Which sounds like a rodent who lives underground or something that you need to get checked out by a dermatologist.

Anyway...if you're playing the game, get in your picks. And if you're in New York, stay inside. The heat makes everyone all cranky. Myself included. And my subway ride took an hour and a half this morning. Gotta love that F train...

Happy Monday,
N

Much Hairdo about Nothing

So I've got tons of hair. If you know me, you already know this. It has been a source of drama for a good part of my life. Tears, frustration, freaking out, etc. When I was 11, I actually got kicked out of a beauty salon because the guy said I was being "difficult." I'm not even making this up.

As I got older, I learned to tame the beast. Even though you could possibly hide things in there and it would not be seen for days. Even though A. pointed at it happily the other day and said "bush." Greeeat. A sure sign that I needed a haircut.

So I made an appt at one of those special curly-haired salons. I've been there before and the cut was great, the styling a disaster. But it was new girl and I figured, ah. She's new. She doesn't know how to tame the beast.

I thought I'd try again. I go to my same guy, who is great with curls despite having fantastic Asian hair that always looks amazing and never like a bush. And then he sends me off to have it styled by some other young 'un. Dude. I am like the ultimate test for new stylists? Like the MCATS or hair?

Needless to say, girlfriend can't do it. She must enlist the aid of another newbie. So they are both spritzing my hair and scrunching and combing and twisting. AT a certain point, I just ignore them and start reading my magazines. In case you're wondering, yellow is the new color for spring and no, I won't be wearing it. When I finally look up...it's a disaster. I say "you know, I'm just going home. Let's just skip it." But no. They won't let me go.

They bring in some guy who seems a lot older than them. I explain I am just going home and the most exciting thing I will do that night is make quiche and bathe my child and therefore I really don't need to look so fabulous so can I go home now please? The guy says "we want you to have the full effect." I say "really, I'm cool. I know you can do it. I just want to go. "
He says "no, really. you should stay." I feel bad. So I do.

When I look up again, it is frizzy and poofy and I feel like I'm 12 again. The guy makes a big show of proudly handing me the mirror. I must ooh and ahhh because that is what is expected of me and know the cut will look good so I don't care. The second I leave, I pull it all up into a knot so I don't scare people on the subway.

And that my friends, is much hairdo about nothing. And yes, it looks perfectly fine today.

Have a great Friday.

N

The happiest place on earth

Yes, I know. I am way behind the times. But this week, I finally got it together and joined Facebook. Holy cow. So much fun. The ultimate time waster too. I should finish my novel, oh, in about ten years now.

Why am I telling you this? Because in case you didn't know, The Bachelorette Show has a page on there. In case you're interested in being an overzealous fan. Which of course I'm not. No, not at all.

Just wanted to share.

N

Bachelor Round-Up..."Sometimes a tree has to get knocked down before it can bear fruit..."

Okay so...just getting around to writing this now. And of course, HIllary is on tv about to concede the nomination. Please oh please let Obama give her the vice presidency...what a dream ticket that would be. So I'm a little distracted as we speak. But...I will try to be amusing and patriotic at the same time.

Last night started with Chris our Invisible Host reminding us that there will be one group date and two one-on-ones. And of course, if you don't get a rose on the one-on-one...you know the deal. Blah blah blah. Rich the Geek is first up with a one-on-one date. He says "his stomach dropped." Uh oh. Homie knows he's probably on his way out. He packs his bags and hopes for the best.

And what does he get? The most stereotypically romantic date ever. Dinner on top of a building and then a romantic ride in a carriage around town. Geek Boy has the most ridiculous sunburn ever. Looks like a lobster and it ain't pretty. He has a serious chat with Deanna about...

Okay...HIllary is not conceding? Huh? I'm confused. Sorry but I think it's time. She is now plugging her website. WTF?

Back to the Bachelorette...which we all know is just as important as the election. Anyway, Deanna does a lot of blinking and says to the camera "I need to see if I can think of Rich as more than a friend." Oh boy. My feeling is always...if you have to ask, you already know the answer. Right in the middle of the romantic carriage ride, it hits Deanna that he is not the one. So she orders the driver to pull to the side of the road and dump off Rich. Seriously. Seems like she could have sucked it up until the end of the ride but no, she leaves him curbside. Seriously. Oh, she's nice about it and all. But still. Poor kid has to get out right there.

The men are all shocked Rich is leaving. They get over it quickly to go on their western date. Everyone is going except Jason, who will get his own one-on-one. The guys get all suited up in Western duds and ABC treats us to the music of the Good, Bad and the Ugly. No cliches here, none at all. I have my own version of the Good, Bad and the Ugly. The Good...Jesse. The Bad...Twilley, ick. And the Ugly...sorry but...Paul.

We can tell Deanna really likes this date. She thinks of herself as a country girl, yee-haw! All of a sudden her slight Southern accent intensifies and she sounds like Hoss on Bonanza. She says "Don't y'all look niiiiiice." And then she says "we're fixin' to do some line dancing." I inwardly shudder and keep watching. I'm fixin' to vomit.

Line dancing. Who created this? Naturally, all the guys suck. Deanna of course, does not. Why? BECAUSE SHE'S KNOWN ABOUT THIS DATE AND HAS HAD WEEKS TO PRACTICE.

Then they all go ride a mechanical bull. Jesse the Snowboarder does it best, go figure. And then Deanna gets on and all the guys slobber, visions of Urban Cowboy dancing in their heads. Only she decides to play a little trick on them and pretend to fall. Whoever comes to her rescue first...wins! And the winner is...Jesse the Snowboarder. He seems like her complete opposite but they seem to get along well. Jesse says something about wanting to be in a relationship where he can fart in bed. Anyone else catch this?

Meanwhile, Ron and Jeremy trade snarky remarks by the campfire. Now, Ron is a most unpleasant sort. I know he's a hairdresser so you'd think he'd be a people person but he's just not. He does fancy himself a philsopher and gives lots of unsolicited advice. Confirming my opinion that most of time, everyone should just mind their own beeswax.

Deanna calls Ron out for giving Jeremy a hard time. Ron tells her the issue is just between the two of them. Then Deanna has alone time with Jeremy and acts like a giddy teenager. Graham and Fred do a sneak attack on them to break them up, much to her dismay.

Then Deanna has some alone time with Robert who says he felt big chemistry with her the first night and now that he's talking to her, he can't feel his fingers. Deanna likes this concept and gives him a rose for it.

Next day, a reach for the stars date with Jason. They are going to an an observatory to watch the stars and eat dinner. In the middle of it all, he tells her about his kid. Deanna momentarily looks as though she's smelled something bad but then she seems fine with it and they make out.

All rightie. Next day, Deanna has a surprise for the guys. She's taking them to meet her good friend Ellen Degeneres. Oh yes. I'm sure these two are just besties, going out and shopping for v-neck green sweaters together (have you noticed how often D wears them?) Ellen makes the guys dance and take off their pants. She pretends to be excited by this. She then consults with Deanna, telling her what she thinks of the guys. She says she thinks Graham is scared and Jesse is funny and Fred is cool. She gets to give out one of the roses and presents it to Fred. Okay Fred. So if you ever want to date Ellen, you're in luck.

Cocktail party time. Ron tries to save himself. He does so by telling Deanna that at first he didn't think she was his type but then he came down with a case of the Deannas. Good luck friend. Here's how the rose ceremony played out...keep in mind that Jason, Robert and Fred are safe:

Rose #1
Twilley....HUH? C'mon ABC...stop making her keep this clown around.

Rose #2
Jesse

Rose #3
Jeremy

Rose #4
Brian

Rose #5
Graham

Rose #6
Sean

Who's out? Ron. And Paul. Paul is polite. Ron tries to make an inspirational speech. Saying something about how "she didn't reject me...she just chose others." Uh...okay. And that is distinctly different because.....

Anyway, the dude was just unpleasant, plain and simple. LIke serial killer unpleasant. Glad to see him go.

Next week, we see Deanna throw a hissy fit. Can't wait.

Gotta go. Obama is speaking now....will he give her the vice presidency? Hmmmm...

Night-night...

n

" A tree has to get knocked down sometimes before it can bear fruit."

This little ditty from Ron, resident philsopher on the Bachelorette. Only he's not a resident anymore. Thank goodness.

Interesting show last night. Clearly, I do not think like Deanna at all since I would have sent Twilley, Fred and Robert packing. But whatever.

By the way, stats of our game have changed. Kristin Bradley in first and Stacy Kay in second. Kudos to Dana McCullough for even playing when she's getting married this week! Congrats!

I left my little notebook at home with all my bachelorette notes but I will attempt to write it from memory. Later, though.
Must pretend to do work now.

Later,
N

Ever have one of those days?

I'm not having one of them but apparently someone else is. So I'm walking back from lunch and I see a bunch of people staring down the street. That's because a woman is sitting in the middle of it. Just sitting there. People tried to get her up but she wouldn't budge.

Good news is, all the cars were swerving around her. And people say New Yorkers aren't nice.

Bachelorette Tonight...

put in your picks now. Or join our group, Bachelorettes Anonymous. Password nanifesto.

Enjoy!

N

Oops....

not Sex in the City. Sex AND the City.

Duh.

I make this mistake all the time but as a true fan, I should know better.

Sorry.

Sex in the City...of Brooklyn

So this weekend I did what millions of other women across the country did...went to see the Sex in the City movie. K. organized the get together and was even kind enough to sneak cosmos (and cups) into the theater. I snuck in Sour Patch Kids which should pretty much tell you where my priorities are.

Anyway...since a lot of you probably haven't seen it yet and you're planning to it, I won't discuss any actual plot lines. But I will say the movie has been panned by most critics and they are all completely wrong. No, this is not high art but it's not pretending to be. It's good solid fun for people who were fans of the tv show. And while there are a few issues I had with the movie...mostly due to some "tying things up with a bow" type writing that drives me nuts...all in all, a good time was had by all.

Why is everyone hating Sarah Jessica Parker? There seems to be a lot of SJP bashing going on right now, including a website I found that does side-by-side comparisons to a horse. Did everyone forget how relevant this show was at one point? How she was the only real New Yorky (okay, somewhat real) heroine around? No, we do not all walk around in Manolo's and date millionaires. But how many New York women could relate sharing their woes with girlfriends over cocktails? Sometimes at the very same bars that Carrie did. How many times have you gotten together with your friends and discussed whether you were more of a Carrie, a Samantha, a Charlotte or a Miranda? Come on....admit it. And by the way...we all THINK we're Carries. When in truth, we're all probably a bit more like Miranda. Sorry. But you know it's true.

Ignore the haters. If you love the show, you'll love the movie. It's like going to visit some old friends. Old friends who dress way the hell better than you.

Sigh.

Yes, it's a beautiful day but...

if you happen to be inside like me while A. is napping....VH1 is showing a Bachelor marathon right now! All Bachelor, all the time. Starting with the first bachelor...that smarmy Alex.

Hee hee. Good stuff.