My new boyfriend

In case you're wondering, his name is Jay. In case you're wondering, yes, my husband does know about him. And he totally approves.

Jay is really tall and slim and we spend a lot of time in bed together. That's because Jay is my new body pillow. He is as long as a king size bed, which is quite impressive, really. Mostly, he lies there smugly, waiting to be snuggled, which he knows will happen since I need serious comfort. He is also shaped like the letter "J." Hence, his name.

Why do I need Jay in my life?

Simple. I am pregs.

If you're reading this, you probably already know this information because I announced it to all 408 of my Facebook friends last week. Yes, perhaps kind of cheesy to declare it to the whole world that way. But I've spent a lot of time worrying about this situation. So finally, it was a relief to sort of shout from the electronic rooftops.

And now you know why I haven't been blogging. Hard to share things about yourself when the biggest thing happening in your life you can't talk about. But I'm back. And I promise not to be pregnancy girl talk all the time. Because let's face it...if you are a male, you do not care. And if you are a female, you've already been there...done that. Or if you haven't done that, you might be completely horrified by the gory details. So I'll keep that talk to a dull roar.

Meanwhile, our girl is super excited about the prospect of a baby brother. We'll see how girlfriend feels about it when he starts waking her up in the middle of the night. Currently, she is kind of pissed off that he hasn't shown up yet. She still claims to like the name Cream Cheese but has opened up her options to include Mango, Butter or Zack.

My current hopes are that Baby Boy doesn't show up early like Baby Girl did, that he never dates a Kardashian and that he stops forcing me to eat things like Sprees, Smarties and slices of lemon. Oh, and that he stops leaning on that part of my back that I believe the doctor called the sciatic nerve. I thought only old people had sciatica. Apparently either this isn't true or I am old.

Anyway, that's where my boyfriend Jay comes in. A snuggle from Jay keeps the sciatica away. After all, he's got to earn his keep. Boyfriend kinda hogs the bed.

What I won't be watching...probably

Okay. Maybe...just maybe...if I am having an exceptionally horrific day I might turn on the new show, Bachelor Pad again. Most likely not. Here's why:

Eating contests.

Dude. Disgusting. Someone inevitably barfs and that is just something no one needs to see. Bad enough that sometimes you do it...or even worse...have to clean up someone else's. I also realized something profound as I watched people like Krissily and Tenley compete in Survivor-style challenges...I fundamentally don't care about these people. At all. Not saying I will never blog about Bachelor-related things again but I do not care about this pack of Bachelor rejects. I wish them well. I just no longer wish them on my television anymore.

But the folks from Glee, True Blood and Mad Men? More, please.

Summer's been crazy but now that it's almost over...I plan to pay a bit more attention to the blog again. Starting with redesigning it because I must say...these polka dots are making me a bit dotty. So watch for it.

Until then, I must go prepare for a princess party.

A blog about why I'm not blogging

I totally didn't blog about the Bachelorette last week. And I won't be this week. Here is why:

1. Ali is just unpleasant to watch. I don't find her charming. Or even cheesy enough to mock, like Jake. Basically, she is boring. No interest in spending time analyzing her life.

2. I 'm pretty sure she doesn't pick anyone. The only one she has chemistry with is Roberto. And she's insecure around him because she thinks he is too good looking for her.

3. I think she is trying to get herself a gig on Dancing with the Stars. Oy.

4. None of these guys are very appealing either. You need someone to root for. Who is it this time? The greasy-haired professional wrestler, Rated R? The casting is horrible.

5. I am saving my energy for the new show, Bachelor Pad...which will feature lots of controversial people from Bachelor Shows past. Michelle with the crazy eyes? Check. Elizabeth the girl who wouldn't kiss? Check. David with anger management problem? Check. I'm so in.

In the meantime, sorry if I have disappointed you. But I just can't waste my time writing about this. I'm saving myself for other things.

Have a good Tuesday,
N

Poo poo

That is my daughter's favorite word to say, unfortunately. She thinks it is hilarious. So would I, if it wasn't coming out of her mouth. When things get more serious than she would like, that is what she says...poo poo. And then waits for a laugh.

So...poo poo. Laughter? Anyone?

Yes, I know I need to blog further but I simply cannot tonight. Girlfriend is still awake...yes, still awake! This after accidentally locking herself in her room, my husband taking off the doorknob, A. deciding her bedroom was keeping her awake and insisting she could only sleep in our bed. Awesome. This is turning out to be just the relaxing evening I was hoping for.

Poo-poo.

I will blog tomorrow.

I took a week off...

I didn't mean to. Work just decided it for me. Promise to take notes and take things more seriously. Even though rumor has it that Ali doesn't pick anyone.

"He's like Mr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde..."

Yes, folks....I did watch it last night. Didn't take notes so the recap will be late. But it will happen. Yes, it will.

And by the way...rumor on the street is Ali didn't pick ANY one. Awesome. So she's annoying and doesn't give everyone a happy ending. Perfect. Time well spent.

More to come.

N

Who's lamer than Ali the Bachelorette?

Me. Because I didn't write a round-up this week. I. Just. Couldn't. Do. It.

Here are the reasons I did not write it:

1. Ali's hair extensions. I'm sorry but the only people who should wear them are drag queens, period.

2. I am getting old. Because I simply do not find any of the men on this show remotely appealing. Okay, maybe just Roberto. But the rest look like high schoolers. And not like the cute high school men on Glee.

3. Men having hissy fits is not nearly as much fun as women having hissy fits.

4. The poof. The hair poof, that is. If you came of age during the late 80's/early 90's, you will know the hair poof I am referring to. It is that little bit of hair in the front that deliberately sticks up. Why? No idea. But it was "the thing" back then. Now when I look back at pictures, it seems ridiculous. Well, on this show, The Poof is back...in Craig's hair. The fact is...you have to work to get The Poof. And if he is working to get The Poof, then I can't watch him.

5. Bad editing. Okay, ABC...we get that you edit this show to death. But seriously...if you are going to make it seem like Jonathan the Weatherman is the one getting the last rose for dramatic reasons....DON'T SHOW HIM IN AN EARLIER SHOT WEARING A ROSE. Did you think no one would catch that??

6. Ali laughs a little too hard at things that just aren't funny. That's what people do who have no actual sense of humor.

7. The elf factor. That's what all the men look like. And I don't like elves. They creep me out.

Promise to try harder next week....sorry to disappoint you guys!